Bath

You might not know this, but Bear has a thing about water.
He ran me a hot bath last night, as I've been ill. I was naked, and bent over swooshing more cold water into the hot. I felt his erection through his jeans on my bare arse and felt really flattered. He stroked it a while until I stepped into the bubbles.
His hand was tracing my thighs, and I shuddered. He looked puzzled, then said, 'aah'. And dipped a finger into my cunt. I was moaning, thinking that I'd be fine with just the thigh-stroking for a while, THEN this, but then that this was better, and then-that I've never been fingered in the bath before.
I reached up to feel his clothed erection, then pulled it out, stroking it as he stood next to the bath. It was veinier than usual, I noted.
I opened my mouth and looked at him, then sucked half of his cock, swirling my hand, lubed by warm water, down the rest.
I thought I felt pre-come on my lips fairly quickly, then realised he was in fact coming, and it usually takes a good while to make Bear come from oral, so I put his cock back inside my mouth and swallowed all he had to give.
I remarked on how quick it was, and he remarked that I 'look good in water'.

Fingers

Last night, I took four fingers, right up to the lower knuckle, before I cried out. Proud.
I struggled against Bear's fingers &felt like he was in my womb :)
He growled, 'I've wanted to fuck you for a while now..'
I ordered him to come.
This morning I wanked him off over my tits.

Crossed Out

Flirting until the act is hot.
Being up against his door in over-the-door restraints whilst wrapping my legs around his hips is hot.
Being strangled, my throat pressed down on whilst he towers above me, not knowing when he's going to stop and feeling like I'm gonna pass out in a good way is hot.
I kind of want to pass out and wake up to him doing disgusting things to me.
Him holding my hips and driving his cock sharply upwards is hot.
He's amazing.

You Could Be Mine

Yesterday I wanted sex, obviously. Bear's riposte was 'show me your tits.'
Soon we he has on top, me wrapping my legs around his hips digging my nails in his back for dear life. He spat in my mouth (mmm) and over my chest, rubbing it in. Couple this with licking my face, all over my cheeks.
Urging me to come, 'Come bitch come, come on my dick..'
Pushing my head down on his dick as he knelt up, then me sinking down on it. A ridiculous amount of orgasms.
When we'd returned from tea, just before bed, I blew him, thinking about three times he was going to come in my mouth..not being able to wait..Climbed on top and after coming twice shreiking how I wanted him to come inside me.
More of the same today, riding him after a lubey handjob, then him telling me he wanted me to put the anal beads up inside me. I was hesitant, then it felt amazing from on top.
I bent over for him, 'I want you to fuck me from behind, and I want you to treat me like a slut.'
Fucked me 'til I was squealing, then came into his hand and made me lick it out of his palm. Fucking DELICIOUS.
This afternoon I wanted more..He'd been squeezing my tits, telling me how they (and me) belonged to him, were his property, kissing me, flicking his tongue in my mouth, discussing oral..But he was too tired and needless to say I went home a horny Songs. I'm so glad I'm seeing him tomorrow!
And we have still not used our over-the-door cuffs.

Silly

I said I'd update more..then I didn't.
I've thought about closing this, because because of uni, I rarely see Bear and its really hard for me. But, its nice to have a record, and record those times we are together..
Yesterday I was feeling really sexy. Black lacy french underwear and a black bra with red ribbon trim under my clothes. Bear told me to take my pants off..he uses this as pre-sex words a lot now so I know whats coming..I did a lot of bending over whilst I sorted out music etc., I wanted to make the bed but he had other ideas..Rubbing the satin crotch of the panties as I was on all fours protesting, he said 'doesn't that feel good? I really want to fuck..'
He sat on the bed and I straddled him, in just bra and panties now, pushing tits in his face.
'You look so good..' he rarely says that, so I felt a rush of 'oooh!'
Soon I was on my back getting my nipples nibbled, my cunt licked and bitten through my underwear..I love getting touched THROUGH the underwear so I was wet..him fingering me, then me naked him stroking his dick in front of me, me whining for his cock. Him fucking me, pausing to squirt, all over his chest his face in his mouth.
He fucked me, growling for me, my legs curled around his hips and arse, him growling away telling me he likes the look in my eyes..I was screaming and he came inside me.
I was disappointed I couldn't have more..I wanted anal and to suck him until he came in my face but it was pretty late and he promised more the next day.
So today as he slept (he stayed at my house whilst I went to work) I put on a pink with white lace bra and matching thong and went to work. I usually hate thongs but am getting used to them..I think Bear likes enticing underwear so it makes me feel better.
After I'd returned from work and we'd been out to eat I was dying for sex..Luckily he stripped out of his jeans and told me he wanted to see my underwear. I stripped and put my be-thonged arseup against his boxers, feeling his erection.
'Are you doing this on purpose? This could make me come alone..'
'Yes' I said.
He lay down and I straddled him, he told me he liked the underwear. I asked him did he want a blowjob, and I've never known him turn one down.
I sucked for a while then came up for air.
'You know what I want to do? Suck you until you tell me I can fuck you, then fuck you, then swallow your come..'
He told me he hadn't said I could fuck him yet, and to keep sucking. After a while he said I could get on it, if I wanted. I said, 'desicions..' and kept sucking.
I caved after a few minutes, parted my thong and slid onto him. He told me the next time he saw me, he wanted to lead me around in my collar then tie me up. So if I go up there, I have to bring my collar to him. I want one at his house.
He told me to turn around, so we did a lot of reverse cowgirl. I felt his finger up my arse after a while and told him I wanted him to fuck me up the arse.
He got behind me and was really going for it, it was amazing.
'Do you want your vibrator too?'
I told him I loved him, he was so dirty.
'Vibrator or glass?'
I picked the glass dildo but it obviously isnt as soft as my vibe and was hurting him, so he carried on fucking my arse. He told me he wanted to come on my vibe and watch me use his come as lube. I thought that about the hottest thing ever, as we have white lube which I pretend I'm doing just that with-it seems so naughty.
I asked him to talk dirty to me.
'You slut, I don't have to talk dirty to you. Your arse is going to make me come..'
But he got tired and needed to shower. I asked could I blow him in the shower. That was really special, him face-fucking me, then wanking, looking at my face begging for it, my tongue out me whimpering. I love his taste.

I'm Back

That was a long break, wasn't it.
Sometimes blogging..Remembering the details of what I do with Bear..is intense, really hard for me to do. But the next time we fuck, I'll tell. I'll do better.
I have since taken my first experience of double penetration. He fucked me in the arse whilst fucking my cunt with my vibe.
He bought me a glass dildo, and I bought him special cuffs, so he can hang them over a door and we can fuck standing up.
This morning he slapped my face so hard I'm pretty sure my jaw went in two different directions.
I love him, I love him I do.
So, here's to better blogging.

Feelin' Dom

He has not felt particularly 'dom' in ages. I didn't know he was last night. We came back from partying, and I told him to go down on me. He kept asking, 'is that what you want?'..It was disturbing.
The head was great until he bit my cunt. He was very bitey last night. Thighs, cunt etc. When I'd came about twice, I whispered 'come here..'
He began talking really filthily, basically. It's been a while for that, too.
'I want you to make my dick and balls wet..I want you to come over my dick. How does it feel? Tell me how good my cock feels.'
I said, 'Did you like eating my cunt?'
'I loved it..do you want me to do it again, or do you want me to keep fucking you with my dick?' He grabbed my hand and put it over his dick as he slid in and out. 'Dont move your hand, and I want you to come on me..'
He was so demanding of me describing how he felt. I told him he's the best I've ever had.
'I wanna fuck you on the floor..face on the carpet, arse in the air..'
Okay, that turned me on. A lot. His fingers would wander to my arse but it felt sore, so I pulled away. 'Come here..' he'd growl.
'Do you want me to come in your throat?' He asked sitting up. 'Do you like the taste of my come? Put my dick to the back of your throat. Suck me, then ride me. I wanna use you to come.'
There was a lot of sucking and riding and I asked him 'Am I your comeslut?' He loved that. He was supposed to come in my throat but I was dying to watch him come..I pulled his hips towards me further.

Just

Just to record what went on last night. The house was empty, Bear and I were going out later. I asked if he wanted some. At first he declined, but when I moaned about needs (heh) he followed me upstairs whilst taking off my belt.
I rode him.
'You feel good. Do I feel good? I want you to be louder..'
So I asked him to fuck me. Unfortunately he came, but I told him I'd wanted to swallow it. About ten minutes later he was hard again, and pulled my panties aside (not off) to slide it in me. Then he told me to go swallow, so I made him come with my mouth.
After the party, we fucked on his friends couch :D I was in tshirt and underwear and he was getting excited. I rubbed him hard, sucked him then told him to fuck me. We spooned for ages, really energetically, and he came when he fucked me from behind.

So Happy Together

I had sex with Bear last week and didn't document it. Argh! Yesterday:
He was frustrated with my attention span and called me upstairs. I hoped it'd be for sex!
We lay next to each other and he slowly kissed me, then told me to stand up. I stood between his legs and he stripped me naked. He was clothed. He fingerfucked me, me standing. Then he told me to bend over. He continued to fingerfuck me until my cunt was spasming on his fingers, and I was gripping the headboard. The orgasms were mad intense. He told me to flip over and carried on. It was weird getting so much foreplay.
Then he stopped, stood and undid his trousers. I looked on nervously. He told me to 'Come here.' I sucked his cock for a few seconds before he pushed me backwards onto my back.
I wasn't wet enough to get fucked, but he knelt over me naked.
'Lube!' I begged.
'What?,' He taunted. 'I'm not going in you!'
But of course he pushed into me. Fucked me hard. Legs pushed apart, up on his neck, around his back. He came but didn't tell me. I resent when he does that, but sex is about him.
This morning I wanted to fuck before I left. I didn't think he'd want to fuck in his mothers bed where we were sleeping, but he did. It was weirdly kinky to me. I slicked lube onto him and rode him. He felt rockhard. I snuck peeps in the mirrored wardrobes. Such a voyeur.
He didn't seem that 'into' it though, but he said he was tired. Bah.

Stitches

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Two Weeks Later

Two weeks since I last fucked him, so I was relieved.
I had it in my head that I was going to blow him then crawl into his lap. He wasn't having any of it.
I stripped him naked, me to my underwear and blew him as I knelt on the floor and he sat at the edge of my bed. He would pull out to suck my nipples, bite my neck,take my underwear off and put his fingers in my cunt. But then straight back onto his cock. It felt good kissing him.
He pulled me up by my hair and pushed me onto the bed, forcing his way in. It felt insane, the head of his cock teasing the entrance to my cunt. He fucked me roughly, making me shake.
'Can I get lube please?' I asked.
He looked like he was thinking about it. 'I want to hear you beg more.'
I bit my lip as he fucked me. 'Please, please please let me get lube!'
I reached for it and lubed him up, then he was straight back inside me, holding my legs open and plunging. Eventually he said, 'Get on top.'
I rode him to multiple climaxes, hard. 'How do you want to come?' I asked.
'All over you..And I want you to lick it up.'
'What do you want?'
'Keep riding it..'
But eventually I asked him to stand whilst I lay on the bed and he fucked me that way. Eventually he said he was going to come, so pulled out and came on my stomach.
I sucked the come off his cock and wiped myself down with my hand, sucking it off my fingers. He looked impressed with that.
Later I was resting my leg on his inner thigh and craftily started blowing him. It was lovely, soft and wet and slow with him fucking my throat..He started to fuck my asshole with his fingers and so sex and then anal danced before my eyes, but he told me he was going to come.
'No...' I said.
'I can't hold..'
So I swallowed everything he pumped down my throat.
Stupid high drive..I wanted him later and tried to suck him, but he wasn't having any of it.
Wish I didn't want him so much.

Making Love

I hate that Bear's work prevents me from seeing him often.
When the sex came up..He told me to stand before him and undressed me slowly..Longingly..He makes a very 'wanting' noise that deeply turns me on.
He got onto his knees as he pushed me onto the bed to give me soft oral..I could hear him removing his jeans and when he stood I was met with a huge erection. He fucked me, him standing me lying down, and then me on top. I told him how amazing he looks naked, how beautiful he is. I love to watch him come.
But..I have made love. I have never really done this before. I've fucked and I've had sex..I've had slow sex with an ex but it felt so..Staged.
Bear slid liquid on top of me and was gently inside me. He looked at me in a way that something really special was happening..That *I* was special..Kissed my face and my neck gently, nuzzled his face into mine as we breathed together. Held each other. We kept slowly moving together for a long time..It was so, so special and beautiful. I felt so deeply in love. I'm suprised I was so moved, I've always been of the 'let's fuck!' school.
This morning we fucked from behind and him on top..Trying to hold onto his orgasm..He is so, thoroughly amazing.
My 'drive' is becoming a bit of an issue though. I want to fuck him constantly and obviously, he can't. Not so soon after, anyway. I constantly want him.

Upsidedown

We were having a conversation about truth. He was naked, I was fully dressed.
"I would prefer for you to be honest with me about everything, even if I hated what you were doing" I said.
"Alright," He said. "Well can I be honest with you right now? I want you to sit on my face."
I giggled and said no. He told me he wanted to see my arse in the thong I was wearing (I rarely wear thongs.) he told me to suck his cock and bend right over him so he could see my arse. I sucked, and he was trying to lick my arsehole. I giggled and pulled away from him, setting myself between his legs.
"I want you to get on it and just ride me until I come..take these off" He said, indicating my underwear. I continued to suck whilst I struggled with my clothes, then sank down on top of him.
"Oh, you're wet.." He smiled.
We fucked like that for a while until he told me he wanted me to sit on his face. He wanted me to squirt on his face again. I couldn't sit on his face comfortably, so I pulled off him and sat at the edge of the bed with my legs akimbo and told him to come get me that way. I squirted all over his face and asked him why he liked it.
"Because I know you like it too.." He smiled. He was basically fucking me upside down..My legs were pulled up over his shoulders and he was 'aiming' down, half my body off the bed. I almost wanted to put my palms on the floor!
I asked him where he wanted to come. "All over you.." He smiled. My EXACT thought. And he did.
This morning we were arguing somewhat, and what eases tension? I stroked his cock, listened to his sounds as he enjoyed it. Then I was sucking it. He told me to get on his dick.
"Lube..." I protested.
He pushed my head down on his cock. "There's your lube." He snarled. Rough fingers on my cunt. I wasn't getting wet. He told me to get on. Wouldn't have it that I wanted lube.
He felt amazing, so hard..I rode him, pinning his arms. Out came the switch me.
"Do you like that?" I grinned. He continued to groan. I grabbed his neck. "Tell me you like it!"
He grinned. "I do."
I got an urge to slap him (now regretted!) and with permission, did. It was hot at the time, for an odd reason. I do not know why.
He came calling my name. I think he's used to me loving it.

Amazing

Had some of the most amazing sex of my life last night.
We were at a friends' bands gig, and Bear started off stroking my hair, which I LOVE. I gave little shivers of delight. Next he trailed down my stomach and put a hand in my underwear-all in the club with my best friend sat next to me. Stroking and rubbing my pubic bone the way I do when I wank. I was shivering. His eager fingers slid lower and my wetness flowed onto his fingers. I put my handbag over my crotch but am pretty sure my friend knew what we were up to! I was so close the whole time, but then we had to leave to go home.
We were staying at said friends, and could have hung out talking but I wanted to fuck Bear. We ran upstairs. He went to the toilet and I got undressed to my underwear, my panties still very wet. He came back, undressed to his boxers and slid into bed.
He leant over me and we started to make out-gorgeous. I still don't think we kiss enough during sex (and hearing 'I love you' during has become a huge turnon, for some reason..)
I commented, "You taste like biscuits." (Ha had been eating them) giggled, "Was that hot?"
"Not particularly. But I want to lick your cunt-is that?"
I gasped and nodded. "No objections then?" He grinned, sliding down my body. He drew my underwear aside but didn't take it off, and full on stuck his tongue inside my cunt, for what it felt like. He alternated hard licks of my cunt with nibbling my nipples-he'd pulled the cups down from my breasts but not removed the bra from my body. I tried, and he sharply told me to "Leave it." I groaned that he was so sexy.
I was trying to wriggle away from my underwear alongside riding his face. He looked up.
"No..I want you to be dripping wet before I even THINK about putting it in, do you understand that?"
But I was. And he slowly took off his boxers and knelt up, slowly stroking himself. THAT was too much. Hot. I tried to touch myself but he removed my hand and carried on stroking himself. I whined.
Eventually he sloooowly slid inside me-he felt so rock hard. My underwear was still on the top of my thighs, which was frustrating, but Bear was obviously trapping me.
"Does my dick feel good?" He crooned.
I wrapped my legs all around him but when I get to the point of full-on squirting, I have to push him away. I did, and he placed his face in front of my stream. I felt REALLY bad, but couldn't exactly stop.
He came up coated in my liquids, even dripping from his hair. He pushed back inside me and the occasional drop landed on me. I was so, so close. I tried to tug on his pelvis.
He laughed at me. "You want me to go faster, don't you? And fuck you hard. Well no, not yet.."
Frustrating, SUCH a tease. But the slow pulling out and sliding in-his entire shaft-felt amazing.
"Tell me when you're gonna squirt again okay..I want it in my face again, I know you liked it.."
I gasped. "I don't think I will again, I've lost too much.."
He increased the pressure on my cunt and suddenly I changed my mind. I came over his face again.
He began to lean back slightly so I sat up. He pulled off my underwear. We tried different varities of me on top, like the both of us in a sort of crab position, thrusting forward. Then I was on top in the traditional sense, pinning his arms. He grinned and told me my cunt felt good. Then he said he wanted to bend me over and spank me. I was worried about my friends in the next room but I suppose we were already making so much noise.
I bent over the bed and he slapped me, then slid into me. God, it was amazing. My orgasms were weakening my knees and after two more I flipped over so he was fucking me missionary again.
"I want you to come in my mouth" I told him.
"Just where I want to come.." He smiled.
He fucked me..I told him he was fucking me raw, he was with-holding so well..I was losing too much wetness but he wouldn't let me get any lube.
"Do you wanna swallow my come?"
"Yeah I want your come in my throat like a dirty bitch!" (See how I get caught up in the moment?)
"Come here" He grabbed my hair and pulled me forward, wanking into my mouth. But after a few minutes it was clear he wasn't coming.
"You're ages off!" I giggled. "You're tired, do you wanna lie down and I'll suck your dick?"
He lay and I sucked him for a while.
"I wanna lick your ass. Get into the position." He said. So clear about what he wants!
We got into the '69' position and He lapped away whilst I attended to his cock. He put a finger to my asshole-he'd actually been doing this all through sex, and I'd been whining and pulling away. He'd humoured me at first, but now his finger slipped in. Amazing. I lost all worry. After a while of him alternating finger and tongue on my arse I said "I want your dick in my arse."
"You want me to fuck this?" He asked and told me to get the condom from his wallet. "Put it on," He said. "I'm making sure you're lubed."
He lapped away..I was worried about not using actual lube, but I suppose I'd been 'loosened' somewhat by the fingerfucking.
It took a while to slide in, but GOD I forget how fucking amazing anal is. I was making really animalistic sounds.
"Do you wanna come in my arse now?" I asked.
He said yes and continued to fuck me..Rougher than you should an arse relatively un-used to anal, but GOD, hotness.
I was coming freely and easily as I usually do from anal. He told me he was going to come and I asked him to say my name.
Really, really delicious. Experimental and he did EVERYTHING right. Mmmm.

I Hate Not Seeing Him

It was seven or eight days since I'd seen Bear, because he was back home and I wasn't. I got back Saturday.
When I went round..He looked beautiful, well worth the wait. Kissing him just..does things to my genitals.
I pulled off his top and bit at his nipples whilst I took his pants off, then slid down to suck his cock. I missed it. I told him I missed his moans.
"Enough," He said. "I wanna fuck you now."
He undressed me and I lay on my back. God, it was delicious. I said, "Did you miss fucking me?"
"I missed everything about you.."
He came inside me, stayed inside and continued, coming again later. Amazing.
Later I fucked him with me on top. God, I love him.
A brief update, but all the same..

Japanese Rope Bondage

Guess what? We ended up getting a cane.
There's a sexshop around the corner from me I wanted to take him to..He ended up buying us some japanese rope bondage stuff and a cane attatched to a leather handle. It's bamboo and it looks painful. There WAS a proper 'cane' but he said he'd snap it and it wasn't as smooth..I do not want splinters in my arse. I got hold of some seamed tights. Seams are the yum.
After eating I decided I wanted to try on the latex stockings I bought the other week. I've never worn latex before, just pvc. They were difficult to get on, like putting my leg in a condom. There was an airbubble in the foot so I had to start again, and got talc all over the floor. *Sigh*
When I finally got them on, they fitted in the calves but were baggy on the thighs, like waders. Disappointing. I need a suspender belt. MORE money. Still, they look great with fetish shoes and beautiful all shined up.
I was sat in my girlboxers getting them on, though. Bear growled at me and took out his cock, rubbing against my crotch. I just wanted to try them on before anything sexual.
'Wait..' I said, offhand.
He pushed me over to slap my arse but I spun round to avoid it. He grabbed my face.
'Wait for what?' He asked.
I just looked at him. He slapped me.
'I asked you a question, AND you don't avoid it when I want to slap you.'
'Nothing..' I wailed.
He pulled my hair and snapped at me to get them on. But putting them on, he seemed to calm.
He is quite sadistic with that cane, though. I knew he would be. I already hate it. He just tells me it 'doesn't hurt'. I said to let me hit him with it, and he laughed and said he wasn't stupid.
Later, we were innocently just trying the various knots we could do with the japanese rope (it has clever adjustable restraints, too, quite handy.) and having myself in his hands was getting me quite excited.
I ended up my back to the wall, rope under my parted knees, cuffs cuffing my hands far apart. I couldn't really move. Bear bit his lip and started to stroke his cock looking at me. I whined.
I was really turned on but I wasn't getting wet. He was trying to force it into me but mercifully eventually got lube. I couldn't move well, and he was fucking me, pulling at the ropes to make it tighter. He stopped and told me it was time for the handcuffs. I wondered where, but when he snapped them on me I was even more unable to move-he'd intertwined them in the rope, basically. I was screwed.
'I am going to do something now, and you better enjoy it, or I won't be happy.'
He blindfolded me and I whined. I hate being blindfolded because I can't see Bear and obviously I love looking at him. That and I have no clue whats coming to me.
He mocked me. 'What, you want me to take all this off you?'
'I trust you..' I panted.
I could hear him scrabbling around in my drawer and tensed. Then there was something hard against the entrance of my cunt. He turned it on-my vibrator.
I was wide open and getting dripping wet against it but he wouldn't penetrate me with it. I needed it deep inside me. I tried to struggle against it.
This obviously excited him and he stuck his cock back inside me. I felt the vibe against my face and laughed-but he put it into my mouth. I hated my taste. He probably liked seeing me suck a cock. It stopped.
He felt amazing. I was whining, He was relentless, not coming.
'You're making my cock very happy. You know I'm going to come on your cunt, don't you? I'm gonna come all over your dirty little hole.'
I whined. He'd never come ON my cunt before but I'd fantasised. He didn't come for a while though. I was exhausted, willing him to. Eventually he pulled out and covered it.
A few minutes later I was stood up talking to him.
'Stare at my cock!' He barked.
I was taken aback but did it for a few seconds before my eyes trailed to his face. He indicated with a nod to carry on. After about a minute, 'Lick it.'
I got on my knees and lapped, thinking niavely that he wouldn't become hard. He was 'mmmming' and telling me about the sensation. I didn't dare take him into my mouth or touch his side, as I normally would. He scolded me for having my HAND on it. He was getting hard.
'Balls' he ordered. 'You may nibble but not a lot.'
After a few minutes of that, 'I'm bored. Suck my cock.' I began. 'Slowly!' He snapped.
It was delicious. He told me he wanted to come in my mouth. I moaned.
'Do you like sucking my cock? Licking my balls? Do you WANT me to come in your mouth?'-Not questions for my pleasure, reminding me of my whore-ness.
He then decided he'd come on my face, which I love. He stroked himself looking at me, then as he was coming, forced my head back until I thought it would surely snap off. He wiped it on my cheeks, lips, forehead, and snapped at me to get cleaned up.
After those two times, I was feeling really vunerable, which never happens to me. I felt really weak and in need of affection. He said it was because I knew he could take care of me. I gripped onto him all I could.
Today he was carrying the cane and mocked my walking. 'Come on, quick steps!' He said, wafting it at me.
'I'm not your pony..' I said.
'You WILL be.' He smiled, referring to my curiousity at ponyplay. (At least the tail buttplugs!)
And later called me his dirty little slut. *Sigh*

Watersports

Well, we had a big talk. Again.
The comments he made about women online hurt me, but he made the point, 'X, *I* linked you to that website, why would I if I felt it was wrong?'
So we discussed comprimise and he said he won't again. So we'll see. I, meanwhile, feel better. As much as I need verbal deprivation, verbal humiliation, I also like to hear that he loves me, which he says often now without prompt.
Last night I was detirmined not to give him sex, just feeling a little 'off' about my body, seeing that he'd complimented others, etc. But we began to play strip scrabble, I was in my underwear and he was fully dressed, clearly winning. It frustrated me so he let me stop.
But all his suggestions and touching made me aroused. As he said to me when I whined that I was detirmined not to give him any sex, 'If I want it enough X, I'll persist.'
I told him I was thinking about sucking his cock, and did.
Then we made out, hard, his hand in my hair, holding onto a clump, wrapped around his fingers. He pulled it for nothing, pulled my head back to bite my neck, pushed my head down onto his cock. Pushing my head up and down. I was gagging. I tried to get onto his cock.
'Do you want it inside you?'
I nodded.
'Suck my cock until I say you can get on it. Put my cock to the back of your throat until I say.'
I was feeling a bit naseous that night however, and I tried to keep it in back but felt like I was going to vomit. He told me to get on it. He was solid.
'You know, you're LUCKY I even let you on this cock. You're unworthy, you're nothing. That's right, my cock feels good, doesn't it? God, why haven't you made me come yet? Try harder. You piece of shit, you slut.'
Constant snarling. He'd never called me a 'piece of shit' before. I came over his dick, and he told me to go down and lick it up. I hate my taste.
When he allowed me to come back, he told me to make sure he comes this time.
'You know I'm only fucking you to come, don't you? I don't give a shit about your enjoyment.'
I was coming hard from all the degredation, and he eventually came but didn't tell me. I knew when he said 'Okay, you can kiss me now.' (He dislikes when I try to kiss him during his more 'dominant' times a lot, and I was told off for trying during this session.)
And later, before we showered, he pissed on me for the first time. He's only ever pissed in my mouth. I LOVED it.
I sat in the shower and he just let rip. It bounced off my chest and hit my face, my hair..It just felt so ultimately humiliating.
It's not something I thought I WOULD have enjoyed, but I did, thoroughly.
This morning we fucked again and I love how he just seems to sense where to put his dick to make it feel amazing. Hammering my gspot.
'I think you should come on me..'
'Me too.'

More Of The Same

Sigh.
Yesterday, I crawled on top of him, and it was short, because I have never wanted him to come more than I did yesterday. I just wanted to make him come, see it in his face. And he did.
Then, we had another row about trust issues. But then we went to a party.
There was a couple there joking about how the male should be kept on a leash, and Bear and I looked at each other, knowing we HAVE a leash.
But. More of the same. He's just..kept commenting on girls and it's not something I want, not when I've put this much into it.
I just don't know if I can be arsed with this hurt anymore.

Schoolgirl

I asked him, 'Should I put my uniform on and entertain you for a bit now?'
He said he wasn't in a really sexual mood. God, the monster reared its head again-why didn't he want me? Christ. I sulked a little, and he said to give him ten minutes. I said no, he'd rejected me now and it felt shit (I know, I know it's bratty.) he turned on the flirting and trapped me underneath him and just..slowly made out with me. For ages. We rarely kiss like that, so it was damn erotic.
He told me to put it on, and after a little hesitance, I went to change-white lacetop holdup stockings, my huge black fetish shoes, little checked blue skirt, tight white shirt, red bra, black crotchless underwear.
When he looked at me, he bit his lip. He didn't know where to look. I knew it was his fantasy come true, and he'd felt guilty about it for a while. (I've done it before for my ex, I think its pretty common!) He said he couldnt believe it was happening. I dropped to my knees and sucked him, looking up at him through layers of mascara. He was all, 'I really want to come.' I felt really sexy. I liked the uniform.
I said, 'No, there is a carefully laid out plan.'
I unbuttoned my shirt, removed my bra, put my open shirt back on, poured lube all over his upstanding cock and onto my tits, leaned forward and yes..titwanked him. He was pretty much in Heaven.
He kept saying how he wanted to fuck me. 'How do you want it?' I asked innocently.
He had me on my back..He didn't know where to look, told me how good I looked at regular intervals. Good stuff.
When he'd came, he said he wanted to go again, and WAS hard right away. He told me I was really dirty. I was whining..He slammed me really hard.
When it was all over, I said I wanted to wank, and reached for my vibe. He stuck two fingers out to me. 'Use these', he said.
It was hot 'using' him as a vibe. He still looked really turned on, and said he wished he could get hard. He said he loved being used for me to get off. I tried sucking his cock whilst I wanked with my vibe but no dice.
When we were getting ready to go out, he had all the names for me..Slutbitchwhore, and called me a filthy little fuck. Mmm.
Today I told him I wanted more marks on my tits..I have little yellow fingerbruises that look good, but I love having them slapped around. He grinned and sucked and scratched. No marks thus far, though.
Today we bought black vinyl sheets, one for here and one for at his house..so the beds stay dry. He was going to buy me a maids dress but no joy sizewise. Blast.
He did however buy me a new (softer) vibe (nice to have something that works!), new silky lube, toy cleaner wipes and batteries.
He didn't fuck me before he left for home, though. He said he has uni work to do, but Gawd.

Sexual Excess

I have had lots of sex the past few days.
It began Friday, Bear came over drunk at about 2AM. I was unshaved in all places, had no makeup on and pyjamas. He commented how he preferred me sans makeup. He was calling me a 'dirty little bitch' and we ended up fucking with him on top. I am suprised that he lasted as long as he did. Excellent.
On Saturday we fucked in the shower..I love doing this. Thinking about it now makes my pussy pulsate. Later I gave him a blowjob until he came. It is like an ego thing for me..Proving I CAN do it, I CAN give him pleasure without wanting anything in return, and I CAN make him come with my mouth. Plus he tastes good and I like the sensation of his come filling my mouth, and his fighting for breath and 'I'm gonna come..' I requested oral later.
The 'teasing session' started with pretty innocent spanking with the belt..joke spanking..then he got all involved with his hand, spanking me with his bare palm, delicious..He'd occasionally press my arsehole and I opened my legs slyly, hoping he'd put his fingers inside me. I was wet from a previous fingerfucking and wanted more. He'd tease me, but not enter me. He spanked fuck out of me.
He dipped into my drawer of delights and cuffed and collared me. He bit my nipples, breathed on my cunt, looked at me.
'I don't think you deserve this, do you?'
'No, Master.'
'So, why should I?'
I whimpered, panicked.
'I..I don't know..'
'Well, you have ten seconds to think about it.'
'Because..Because you know I'd make it up for you?' I made a stab at it.
'You will anyway. What else?'
'I'll do things I said I wouldnt..' I immediately regretted saying this..I just wanted his tongue on my cunt asap.
'Oh really? What things?'
'Anything you want..'
'Well. Alright, if you don't make a single noise. Then I'll stop. And keep your cuffs above your head.'
The cuffs dug into my wrists..This happened last time. Painful. Bear requested me to tell them when they hurt when he was putting them on..then clicked them tighter.
His sturdy tongue worked magic between my legs and I tried to keep the noise instead.
'I can't do this..' I whined.
'Fine.' He said. Mercifully forgiving.
'Can I take the collar off, it's too loose..' I whined.
'Suck it up' He spat.
Made me come, but wouldn't let my legs collapse onto his head. Pulled them apart.
We went to Ann Summers (British highstreet sexshop) later..He got me a ballgag (Yay! Except it doesn't fit. My head is too small. He is going to fix it.) And some fetish magazines to look at (Big mistake..Very 80s, very strange.) I got stockings..Black fishnet holdups and black sheer holdups with big satin bows. I am enchanted by stockings! I tried the fishnets on later and Bear was very turned on..Collared and leashed me, bent me over the sink and fucked the shit outta me..And later took photos, coupled with my fetish shoes.
Sunday we went to his house and I sucked his dick. I have been getting a LOT more confident with dirty talk. I asked him what he liked about when I sucked his cock. He was telling me, and I was all 'Really?' playfully. I told him I liked hearing him say 'cock'.
We'd bought a tiny disposable cockring with a little vibrator on with 20 minutes worth of vibration..So I slipped it on and straddled him. He said it was nice on his balls, did it feel good. I told him about how it felt on my clit.
I wanted him on top..We fucked for a while and I asked that he say my name when he came. Delicious.
Later, we talked about porn..He confessed that he likes the whole schoolgirl thing but felt pretty silly about it. I have bought a white shirt and black crotchless underwear (he likes crotchless underwear) and some white stockings, I have to get a blac, shirt skirt. Needless to say, he's in for a treat. I like Bear's liking of dressing up. I just wish I had more money! He also confessed he likes waterbondage porn. We watched some of it..And some of it featured electric shocks on the cunts of the girls..I said it was a bit extreme for me.
We watched Training Of O videos for a while. I LOVED it. Full of 'Please make me behave..' and other such sexy shit. The Masters were so brutal. He told me I have to ask to come, and if I am asked my relationship status, to say 'owned'.
I asked would he give me a beating with his hands in the future. He straddled my chest and put his cock into my mouth. He mouthfucked me brutally, I loved gagging on it. He fingered my cunt at the same time..I was so wet. Fucked me and fucked me..I asked to get fucked from behind. I was loving it. I was about to ask him to call me a slut before I came, but I felt him pull out..I thought he was going to force it into my ass, but he was coming directly onto my asshole.
Later, he let me lick his arsehole. He asked why I liked it. I said, 'It feels dirty.'
And today I wanted to make him come before I left. He said he was going to wank into my mouth. He did for a while, then wanted me to suck it, then pushed my head down to his balls.
'I love when you come into my mouth' I told him. (See? Braver!)
'Really?'
'Yeah, you taste good..'
That made him moan. And I swallowed and it was amazing. I felt so useful.
Gosh, that was long.

I am aware that this is becoming more of a sexual record than a BDSM blog. I hope it still tililates. I like to have a sexual record.
Bear is so amazing at oral sex. He said 'I'm hungry..Can I go down on you?'
He likes to spit directly onto my cunt..Not for more lubrication, just with a look of contempt. It makes me come. At one point I was pushing his head down..Until I thought 'What am I doing?!'..He didn't say anything, though.
I was so turned on when he came back up that my hand went to my cunt. He smiled and in a gorgeous growly voice, "Come for me. I want to watch. Don't you want to come for me?" Needless to say, it came quickly. Especially when he called me his property.
Before we went to get food, we had some AMAZING sex after I sucked his cock (He asked me to lapdance but I cant pluck up the courage)..I was on top of him, he was sat up, and he bounced me up and down in his strong arms..Lifting me right up and pushing me back down onto his cock. That got quite loud.
He has also started counting when I don't do a command fast enough. Threateningly.."3...2...1".
He slapped my cheek this morning. *Swoon* and has been continuing the rough nipple play. He fucked me today wearing nothing but a white trilby-style hat I love. Ha.

Reconciliation

Yesterday was brilliant. He stripped, and told me to stand so he could strip me, then sit on his cock. (I asked could we have more foreplay so I am wetter but he said no. He likes to force it in. I just get wetter later anyway. And it DOES feel like losing my virginity. But good.)
We were accidently angled in front of his full-length mirror. I felt sexier. I am not in love with my body by any means, but I stretched over him, catlike, and was able to position myself in ways he liked. He saw that I was looking and told me to bend over.
He took his place behind me and I was able to see him fucking me. Powerful. Amazing. And to see how exciting he gets ME too, to see me moaning..He pushed me forward so I could see him fucking me better.
He pulled me onto my back and drew my legs up around him. God, he was in so deep. It felt so different, I was constantly hovering on the edge. My noises were urgent, high in my throat, high and raw. He dripped with sweat onto my face and body. He cried out my name when he came which just made it all the fucking hotter.
And then later I rode him and we fucked from behind again.
I've just had my cunt waxed..I usually shave and it is beautifully smooth. I wanted oral..to feel the 'new' skin but of course I didn't want to ask for it. But at some stage Bear dived between my legs and made me come with his tongue. I was worried about him licking his own semen but he carried on regardless. Amazing.
He went on the computer but I was still horny..I was wanking and he came over and ordered me to do it in front of him. I said no.
I said I have taken off my wristband.
He said 'You'd better be wearing it when you come round.' (I didn't, and nothing was said, but it is going back on.)
So, he ordered I masturbate. I said no. He forced my legs apart and placed my hand on my cunt. I did nothing. I turned my head away. My heart raced.
He grabbed my neck and squeezed. I gasped. He hasn't strangled me since last year. I looked at him defiantly. He slapped my cheek with the back of his hand. I squirted wetness.
'Look at you, you still enjoy it' He sneered.
I continued to stare at him. He squeezed my neck harder. Tugged my nipples harder than he ever has. Gripped my breasts achingly hard. Raked nails down my thighs.
I still didn't masturbate.
He flicked my cunt. It hurt. I struggled, and kicked out at him. Finally, he stormed off. I felt shamed.
We talked about it later. 'I'll do whatever you want..' I said, almost sobbing.
He told me he didn't know he was into it until we started. He didn't mean to call it stupid. He frequently talked about slapping the back of my legs with his belt.
'It's your arse when you're good,' He said (though I now hate the belt) 'And your legs when you're bad.'
'You like hurting me, don't you?'
He said yes.

Noisy

I gave Bear some presents yesterday-a big box of white chocolate and aftershave amongst them-and he dived between my legs as a thankyou. Then he told me to bend over..But he had his belt folded in his hand..I argued, but he was adamant. I waited, trembling for the blow on my backside but he trailed fingers over my wet cunt instead.
I crawled onto his lap for sex..I love being able to hold him close, it just makes me feel really bonded. He picked me up when he'd had his fill, laid me on my back, pushed back my knees and made me watch him fuck me, then pulled out to come over my stomach.
Today he said I should pay close attention to his balls-I lapped at them and dragged my teeth over them, which he was loving. He asked me where the powder was (we bought some read candy powder that tingles when you lick it..) and I sprinkled it over his balls. Licking it, he shuddered. I like experimenting with what he likes. I ran my wet palm over the head of his cock today but he said it was too much. He won't let me lick his arsehole though..Despite him doing it to me. I am curious!
When it was my turn he sprinkled it over my breasts and licked it up my neck, biting my nipples. I was getting wet with him leaning over me..It was total relief when he finally slid it in.
I unfortunately screamed 'FUCK ME!'..I feel so sorry for my housemates sometimes!

Belonging.

Bear &I went on a date today. We haven't seen each other in ages, so.
He has uni tomorrow, so I didn't know if the date would end up with fucking, but I shaved my cunt and wore matching underwear anyway.
The night was kinda flirty, and like a 'real' date, I was dying to kiss him. He would occasionally (in the STREET) reach over and grab my tits or ass, and at one point I said 'Would you stop grabbing me?'
He replied 'Why? I own you, I can touch you whenever I want.'
I shuddered and he said 'You belong to me..'
I suggested we go to my flat and when in my room, I was ready to get him a drink, as he usually wants one, but he began stripping off. I asked him why and he said 'I'm getting ready to fuck you..'
I lay back on the bed, fully clothed whilst he lay gorgeously naked over me. Huge erection. Kissing my neck, undressing me. Didn't take my bra off, just pulled the cups to display my nipples so he could suck them.
Forced his dick into me..So intense, it felt like I was losing my virginity. He was in me so deep, I was howling. He put his mouth to my ear so I could hear his gasps-he knows I love his noises.
But mid-fuck he hissed, 'Who do you belong to?'
'You' I whined.
'WHAT?' He spat.
'You, Master!' I panted.
It was amazing, I felt so bonded to him..Doing all the wonderful things I love..Re-inforcing that he owns me, fucking me deep.
We have our most amazing kisses when we fuck..At one point, he stuck the tip of his tongue in my mouth..It made me gasp and I think he liked that reaction. He's an amazing kisser, his sex (and the anticipation of it) makes me shiver.
When it was over (and I love watching him come) he ordered me to stay naked, and I sat on his knee whilst his eyes roamed over me. He pulled on my nipple too..really winding me up. I wished he could have managed an erection again so I could suck on it.
And now he is gone..I can't wait to see him again Tuesday.

MyName

Bear stayed for a couple of days. This is the sexual stuff I remember from the three days.
The first I remember, I was lying on the floor for some reason and he seduced me with his words. I was being coy, and he was being flirty.
When we were upstairs, there was lots of yummy headpushing on his cock, and fucking.
Later on, I lubed up his cock and wrapped pearls all around it. He loved getting stroked this way..He was supposed to come on my tits, but it ended up on my stomach. He was sleepy, but promised to hit me with the belt the next day.
&He delivered, obviously. I no longer enjoy the belt..It hurts WAY too much. Which is why he'll probably start to work it into punishments. He was pushing fingers up into my arse too, and was askingandasking to lick it. I had been bratty about getting oral sex too (bad me.) so I let him lick my arsehole (it is so strange..but good..but I won't admit it) then he told me to go up on his face.
I rode him for AGES yesterday. Usually I get really tired but he wouldn't let me offhim..So I grabbed the top bar of my headboard (that's the good thing about being home..A headboard!) and just fucking went for it. I think he was holding it back..I was getting so tired. But when he was coming (He always warns me) I said-not even thinking about it, just came out-'Call me a whore, call me a whore!'
He said, 'You're a whore, you're a fucking dirty bitch!'
Mmmm. It turned me on SO much that when we were done lying naked like 'phewww', I had to masturbate a few times just over those words. I want namecalling more. MUCH more.
He also gave me oral this morning. But nothing comes for free and he forced my head down on his cock. I was at his side and it was awkward for me..I always crawl between his legs to suck him, and when I tried to climb between his legs he threw me on my back. I whined.
He opened my legs and plunged inside..He makes me come so fast, so intensely..It was gorgeous, and when he was coming my mouth of no accord said again 'Callmeawhorecallmeawhore'
And then I thought 'arg, stupid.' But he didn't seem to hear me-He just groaned
'Oh God, (myname)'
Jesus, I love when he calls my name when he comes.

Intimate

I am, as I may have mentioned, home from uni for a few weeks. So is Bear. So I'm staying at my parents.
And like the naughty teenagers we're not, we fucked on my parents couch!
I have no idea why, I just always wanted to. It's brown leather and I can't look at a chair without thinking about the possibilities of how to have sex on it.
Bear was in a sort of distant mood when he first arrived, but sitting at his feet I asked could I suck on him. He had quite the erection.
I convinced him to move to the other couch, stripped to my bra and straddled him. We fucked with the curtains open, I was able to bounce better, grip the back of the couch and drag my tits over his face as I rode him.
I'm more comfortable fucking in a bra-I have small tits but a bra pushes them together and gives a lot more support ;]
When I was tired I pulled him onto me and held him deep inside me with my legs. Soon he said he was going to come. I begged him not to, but like he was going to listen!
What was really lovely was we stayed with him lying over me for a few moments, me holding him inside me, stroking his hair and face and just smiling at each other. Really cute.
Later we fucked with me bent over the sofas arm-I may have mentioned it more than twice but I LOVE getting it from behind. And Bear just gets better, knowing where in my cunt to hit.
Then of course he made me crawl around the living room floor naked for a while, occasionally spanking me before he'd allow me to get dressed.
I always feel a little pathetic before I get my period (I should soon) so clambering onto his lap I said 'Do you mind being my Master?'
'No, I enjoy it.'
'I know you only do some stuff because I ask though, I feel guilty..'
'Don't, you do stuff for me. And no-one's been interested in what turns me on before, anyway.'
'I don't really know what turns you on, I don't know if I'm pleasing you.'
'Just blowjobs whenever I want, anything we do as long as I'm having fun.'
Then he confided he likes the idea of drowning without being able to do anything about it, and I suggested I could cuff him and dunk his head in the bath, or something. But he backtracked and said it was stupid. I was disappointed, because he clearly closed the subject.
Later, he remembered he'd brought the new cock ring, which he dislikes. It IS a very bad design, skin and hair get caught in it. He put it on, adjusted it and told me to get to work. I sucked, and after a while he was hard-his veins pratically glowing, and his erection very red. It was a bit worrying. And it started going down. We decided the cockring was basically bad. Disappointing.
He did something very un-Bear..He fucked me very slowly and gently..Deep, but slow and gentle. He put his massive hand over my mouth and nose when I whined (my parents were downstairs at the time) and fighting for breath made me come harder. Despite me hating anything lovemaking-shaped, it was lovely being able to stroke his hair and look at him..God I LOVE watching him come, his face is so beautiful, like he can't believe it..
Then again I got all pathetic..'Do you want to be with me for a long time? Are you serious about me?'
We asked each other intimate questions, it made me feel very bonded. He slept next to me though he's not really supposed to here (house rules.)
This morning I awoke his sleepy cock with a rub and he told me to bend over. It was AMAZING, stopped himself from coming over and over until I'd came so many times it was hurting and I was a whiny, pathetic trembling wreck on the bed. Made me feel very controlled. Allowed me to grind back on his cock.
After a shower, because he hadn't come, I pulled him on top of me. He announced he was going to come on me, amused that he was going to mess up my cleanliness. Pushed back my knees so I could see his cock slide in and out of me, and as I was roaring in orgasm, pulled out and came all over my body..A big spurt actually landed in my mouth! ;]

Piss-Drinking &Punishments

Bear had recently said to me, 'I'm not doing mediocre punishments anymore.'
I said, 'Mediocre? I HATED going to my corner.' He shrugged. He looked bored. He's made life a lot stricter of late. But I guess it's what I need.
I sometimes hit him in jest, but at various interludes last night he was counting off punishments. 'That's four' he'd say. I'd whimper.
In the taxi back from our night out he whispered to me that he was going to piss in my mouth. I nodded. I followed him into the bathroom, and placed my mouth over his cock. It became instantly hard. He cursed it and told me to wait. I closed my eyes.
Soon a warm stream was filling my mouth. It didn't taste of anything-just warm water (I think it is Bear's quite healthy diet)-I was pleasantly suprised and gulped down his stream. He told me he didn't find it bad.
When we retired to the bedroom I sat on the edge of the bed to remove my shoes. He had other ideas-grabbing a hank of hair and pressing me forcibly to his cock. He thrusted up into my throat as I sucked, holding my face. I could only think about how I wanted to remove my shoes. I was dreading what Bear had in store.
He threw me backwards and pulled my underwear down from underneath my dress. He stooped briefly to tongue my clit, once, and sneer at my gasp. Though I wasn't all that wet, he forced his way inside me and began to fuck me. It was amazing.
I tried to whine quietly. I had my eyes closed, but I dared to look at him-it's usually normal for us to look into each others eyes as we fuck.
'What?' He sneered, teeth clenched.
'Do you not want me to look at you, Master?'
'No.' He fucked harder and I turned my head away, closing my eyes. I got a faceful of saliva for my efforts. It ran down my cheek and to the corner of my mouth. I edged my tongue out to collect it-he tastes so sweet. He laughed and spat frequently into my open mouth. It made me feel like I was going to come, however.
'Shut UP' He snarled. I know he hates me making noise when he's in 'this' mood but its difficult when he's hitting all the right spots. I was doing an amazing job of controlling my orgasm.
'I want you bent over the bed' He said, flipping me over and spreading my legs. Thrust right into the hilt. I moaned.
'If you continue to make noise, I will push two fingers up into your arse, do you understand?'
'Yes Master' I gasped..Assplay is fine with lube, but I knew I wouldn't like it without.
He was baiting me to slip up, though. Fucking me deliciously. A moan escaped.
'Right..' He snapped. I cursed myself for my mistake.
'No, Master! Please..' I thrashed in desperation-I really didn't want fingers in my ass right now.
'No,' he said in a reasonable voice. 'I said I would.'
He slipped them in, fast and hard. It hurt. He massaged, cock in my cunt. Pleasurepain. I chewed my lips until he withdrew, and I panted.
I was close and he knew it. 'Please...' I panted. 'Please..'
He continued to fuck. I forced it out. 'Please let me come!'
He withdrew and pumped over my asscheeks. 'No...' He groaned.
I knew it was my begging that sent him over the edge. 'It's MY pleasure first' He growled.
He got into bed and I knelt there unmoving.
'Clean yourself up and get into bed.'
It was so humiliating, cleaning spunk off my arse and getting dressed in front of him head bowed, a lowly creature. He slung his arm over me when I climbed in and drifted off, having used me.
The next morning I was really sick and throwing up. This continued most of the morning. He was awake with my comings-and-goings.
He squeezed my breast and stroked a hand down my stomach. 'Are you still feeling sick?'
'Yes..Do you want me?' I asked. He nodded.
'I'm sorry, but I'm feeling too sick right now. And my cunt and ass feel really raw..' I blinked, expecting a pushdown on his cock. He simply nodded. I reached around for him. I could stroke him.
He was very pleasantly hard and soon groaning. It was beautiful. I took advantage of the mellow Bear. 'Please..say my name. Say it.'
He groaned it, several times, and when he came. I was turned on, but it didn't lead to sex (well, couldn't if I wanted to, but besides the point!)-I am learning.
We had a conversation about me wanting a piece of jewelry to remind me that I am owned. We found a site with leather wristbands/collars-black, with names picked out in silver. 'Bad Kitty', 'Slut', things like that. Bear picked 'Slave'.
He asked me did I want the wristband or the collar. I asked what he'd favour.
'Well the collar is sexier in the bedroom, but the wristband could be worn every day'.
He reads my mind. He reads my fucking mind.
I asked him had it arrived, since I knew he'd ordered it.
'When's my wristband coming?' I grinned.
'Sorry, WHO'S wristband?'
I hated when he tripped me up like this. My mind becomes a blank as he stares cold blue into my skull, and I chew my lips like a little girl. Surely he didn't mean HIS, he wouldn't be wearing it.
'Mine..' I whimpered.
He sighed at my stupidity. 'There is no 'me'..It is 'slaves' wristband.'
He knows exactly what I want and our life is just getting better.

Spanked

We have been using the command 'down' very successfully. (For when he wants me to suck him-its shorter and turns me on, obviously)
I took the initiative last night and undid his flies and boxers. He puts his hands behind his head and looks very smug with himself! I said he was very bad for always trying to push it up to the back of my throat of late. He said he couldn't help it.
He also tends to undress me when he's getting sucked, which is difficult. Captures my mouth in a kiss, and runs his fingers over my cunt, over my underwear. I drip onto his cock.
He flips me quite violently onto my back, no concern for my welfare. It was hot. Pinned my wrists and basically ravaged me.
Later I was lay over him, nibbling his neck.
'Will you do the thing with the belt?' I asked coyly.
'What thing?'
I don't know if he just wants to humiliate me by making me ask out loud (I always say 'cunt' but he was making me say 'pussy' loudly at one point, chant it, because he knows I find it a difficult word to say.) or he's just forgetful.
'I don't want to say, I ask for things over msn, I don't want to say them out loud.'
'Ask me.'
'Will you..Hit me with your belt?'
'Yeah, go get it.'
I scampered over and lay on my front.
'How do you want me to do this?' He asked. He's spanked me before-with his hand and a hairbrush, but not properly with a belt..Only jokey flicks.
'What do you mean?' I asked, trembling.
Well, like this..' He slapped me with the end of his belt. '..Or, like this?' He folded the belt over and hit me with the folded edge. It seemed to sting more.
'Second one..' I bit out.
He's skilled..He gives me warm-up spanks, and gently runs a hand over my sore skin.
He teases me though..Makes me flinch when I THINK the belt is coming, but doesn't deliver it. Does it several times. Laughs at me. Whacks me with the belt hard.
At first I could bite back the noise, but 'Ow' keeps escaping. Then guttural noises.
'Shut up' He warns me. But I can't. I love the way he runs a hand over my arse after whacking it, though.
'You're gonna have to stop' I pant, after about ten minutes.
He does, which is great. I say 'is my arse red?' He says bright red, but I can't really see, or move to look in the mirror. The camera on the phone makes my arse look orange.
I felt really ashamed after being properly spanked. 'I don't want to be into it..it's weird!' I whine.
'YOU'RE weird.' He teases.
There was a really lovely bit of the evening where we sat together and looked at bondage toys on the internet together. We wanted quite a lot. He wants to get me a 'slave' wristband. I felt really bonded with him, it was just genuinely nice.
I have been liking it with him on top, then from behind of late. One of the times last night though, I must have whined 'You're SO good' about 5 times. That must sound really odd but I just can't believe how awesome he is sometimes. I told him I feel like I don't deserve to be having sex with him.
I have really, really terrible self-esteem. Sometimes I don't feel desired by him.
Or that he's going to leave me.

Masterful

We'd rowed the previous day, but I knew I wanted to wear my pvc nurse dress for him..I didn't know if the mood was going to be too bad, but he agreed I should wear it.
I did, with nothing underneath, and got an excellent reaction. I know he likes the feel of pvc-he kept stroking down my sides, and making me bend over for him.
Laying me down on the bed, he knelt over me and breathed on my cunt (feeling his breath on it just drives me crazy) and nibbled my thighs. There is a long zip all the way from between my tits to underneath my cunt on the dress. He unzipped it with his teeth, to about my navel, freeing my nipples. He lapped at my nipples for a while, and bit at my wrists and neck. Roughly. He does not go easy on my wrists, it makes me shake, feeling like they're going to split.
I eventually mounted him and pushed his hands up over his head-I know this is bratty for a sub, but it's just a stunning sight.
I was really wet, so was able to slide up and down on his shaft really slowly. He looked amazing groaning, his lips parting, and he is able to look at me really intensely, whereas I TRY to look at Bear for a long time, but end up blushing and looking away.
Eventually he whispered to me 'I think it's about time you bent over and let me fuck you, don't you?'
I sprayed over his chest and bent over for him. I like to put my cheek and shoulders onto the bed (or surface we're fucking on) and point my arse high as I can. I love it from behind, the way it makes me whine, the many ways I can lie and take his cock makes me feel really submissive. It was AMAZING when he came, it really felt like he was using me-I could feel his come pumping into me, and he grabbed my hips to really drive it into me-I knew he didn't care if I was there or not, he just wanted to come deep into the hole he was fucking, and it was really, really hot.
This morning there was lots of fooling around. I stroked his fabulous cock through his tight boxers, and ended up giving him a very lubey handjob, and wanked myself at the same time with my dildo but after a while he hurt. Didn't stop him fingerfucking me though, cruelly.
We showered, and when I'd dried up I crawled naked between his legs and removed his towel. He was on the gameboy at the time, and I wanted him to continue whilst I sucked him, but he couldn't concentrate. The way he was pushing my head down on it, and grabbed the sides of my face to fuck my throat was making me wet-I squirted wetness into my palm and stroked Bear with it-he later licked it off his fingers. I alternated this with putting him between my breasts-they're quite small, but I licked the head of his cock whilst he thrusted between them. Pulling me up by my hair, he said,
'So, you want me to come on your tits?'
I nodded, but I wanted him to fuck me.
'Fine, but I want to fuck you first, on your back.'
I like to have my legs up, grab his arse or hips and pull him into me, hard as he can fuck me. Delicious. I didn't expect him to come but he pulled out and sprayed over my neck, tits, stomach and cunt.
'You're a terrible aim,' I laughed, 'Accidental pearl necklace!'
(Boys DO seem to be a horrible aim, in my experience. Not that I mind, as long as it doesn't go in my eye or hair!)
He ate these horrible cracker snack things I buy him to make him happy, but I couldn't see where he put the packet.
'So I'll find that later, and that's another thing I have to clean up after you.' I grumbled.
'You LIKE to clean up after me, do you understand? It's ME, you enjoy it.'
I shuddered a little. It's wonderful when he's Masterful.
Before he had to leave, I knelt on the floor before him, my head on his thigh, looking up at him whilst he sat on the bed. I LOVE looking up at him. I love sitting at his feet. Looking up at him. Makes me feel such a pet.
'I like to clean up after you really..' I said.
'I know.' He said.
My heart really does burn looking at him. He is just...Totally my Master. I want to always make him happy and be his slave, forever.

Master Again

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KnifePlay

First Experience Of Knifeplay.

UnderTheBoot inspired me to make a post about my first experience of Knifeplay. Fittingly, it was with Bear.

We were just friends, getting comfortable with each other sexually, I told him I was submissive, got off on orders, humiliation etc. etc. He said “You know what I’d like? If you drew blood. I’d like to play with knives..”

I was REALLY apprehensive at first. Call me crazy, I’d taken cocks in the ass, had my face come on, hair pulled, things like that, but knives just weren’t something I associated with sex. I didn’t think I could enjoy them sexually. But I wanted to try for Bear. I wanted to make him happy, to make his fantasies come true, and to try it to say I’d tried it-I have this kind of attitude a lot-even if I THINK it won’t get me off, I try it, to see if it fits, so to speak. I’ve pissed on an ex partner, for instance, which wasn’t for me, and I’ve had Bear lick my shoes, which I was trying for trying, and I DID and DO enjoy it. It’s good to try.

So anyway, we dedicated a night to these kind of shenanigans. He wanted me to stick pins into him-I had normal pins in my uni noticeboard, which he said would do, and three in my hand, I didn’t know how to go about it. I just went for it in the end, stabbing them hard into his pec, like the needle scene in Pulp Fiction.

They stuck in pretty firm, and drew blood. He groaned. We fucked with them still embedded in his flesh.

Stopping though, to play with knives. We used my housemate’s knife *guilt*-the sharpest knife in the flat. It was still a little dull, however, from kitchen use. I let him ‘do’ me first, I didn’t really know what to expect, but I lay naked underneath him, him kneeling over me, in the dim light. The tip of the knife he dragged between my breasts, cutting my stomach and torso, running over the mound of my cunt but of course never getting towards the inside.

He dragged the blade over the sides of my neck, down from my earlobes. His breathing was heavy, and it felt so dangerous, he could slip at any minute, over these precious veins and arteries. The exquisite pain when he cut a fine line into me.

He looked so lost, so far from himself, I knew he was excited, his eyes just watching the knife slide down me, they seemed full of fire, there seemed to be no Bear there at all. I knew he loved the danger, too. I knew he loved getting what he wanted. I think he knew he could kill me at any second.

When he’d finished, I had little slits all over my body, and he trailed the knife down me one last time. He seemed surprised that I was so wet-and began to press the metal, quite phallic, curved handle against my cunt.

I protested at first, but he slipped it in and fucked me with it.

“This is so hot, X. A dildo with a knife on the other end would be the best toy ever.” He smiled.

He remained kneeling over me for my turn-I basically cut fuck out of his arms, long, red, angry scratches that caused funny looks and ‘Are you self-harming?’ at basketball.

I cut my initial into his chest, which was fucking delicious. He’s had it since then and it’s only just starting to fade. I would like to re-do it, truth be told. I like the idea of him looking down on it and thinking of me. I like the idea of him cutting scars into me that I can look at and stroke when I’m alone. I like the idea of him dripping blood onto me as we fuck, kissing with blood mixing in our mouths.

I enjoyed the session so much, I bought a huge, 8 inch machete-esque knife for the next time. Sharp as fuck. Silly me, thinking the scarier and sharper the better.

It was too sharp. When Bear came towards me with it, I nearly cried. When he held it against me, it was worse. FAR too sharp. Like a scalpel. I think knifeplay knives need a little bluntness.

Still, I miss it.

Bent Over

Last night, sucking his cock, he ran a rough thumb over my clit, through my underwear. My cunt got soaking. It amused him.
This morning I was bent over my desk and thoroughly fucked.
We'd finished showering, and he said "You know what, I think you should bend over right now." He pushed my back forward. I like to spread my legs and bend over in front of him, when he looks at my cunt, it just makes me gush.
There's nothing like being bent over something, and being fucked from behind, standing. I adore it.
I ASK to suck Bear, and of late he likes to push his cock upwards into my mouth so it goes right to the back of my throat. He isn't using his hands to fuck my throat, push me down onto it, but it is still awesome, feeling like I am being used for his pleasure.
I fed him today.
"I'm your little bitch" I huffed.
"You certainly are" he replied, and gave me a naughty grin.


Edit: I forgot! After we fucked and I lay there naked, he said
"This belongs to me", running a hand down me. I shuddered.
"Oh yeah, I own this."
God, it makes me wanna come just thinking about it.

Switchy Thoughts

Why do I think about coming on Bear's face when I masturbate?
Why do I think about using him, putting my feet up on his back, tying him up and ignoring him, but faced with it, I feel guilt/shyness? He's my DOM. Why do I think about abusing him?
I want him to give me a slave name. He calls me names, but I want an official one. I want to be his slut, his something. And his nothing.
He has a fantasy about being tied up with a straightjacket and basically...left.
I'd like to indulge that.
A bucket to piss in.
But again..Faced with him..Too shy, he has too much power.
Why do I even think about it? Alongside him using me?
I am giving myself too many airs.

Checking Me Out

Bear says he holds back from saying some stuff during sex.
He says he 'checks me out' and doesn't want to end up saying 'stupid shit' like my eyes look nice or I have a cute nose.
I want to hear that. I live for his compliments.
He used me as his rag this morning. Wiping all the come that was left over on his cock onto me. It made me shudder and squirt, which he then, again wiped onto me. Gorgeous.
He texted me saying he wants to fuck me in the ass.
I want that.

Red Underwear

I was wearing red underweat yesterday.
It was my intention to tease Bear with it, to sit on his lap, guide his hands to my bra and the edges of my underwear but not let him plunge in.
But it ended up me with my jeans off, everything else on, him stroking my arse. He's very anally-fixated. But then, him stroking my through my panties (which I LOVE), biting my thighs, licking me through them, pulling them off, his tongue on my clit, (me coming on his face a little..I always feel guilty but its one of the things I think about when I wank) pushing the tip of his cock in then pulling out.
"I wanna hear you really scream, you know" He grinned.
God, he's so good. Hitting something in the back of my cunt. Making me wail. Top off, bra off, nibbling my nipples. Pulls out, I gush..all over his chest and he's kneeling UP.
I've soaked the bed and its uncomfortable, so we fuck on the floor. I'm feeling unusually confident. We fuck doggy, him on top, me on top, I ask how he wants to come. He wants to come on me.
I suck his cock-he grabs both sides of my face and fucks my throat pretty brutally..I start fingerfucking myself but after a bit I choke.
He wants me to wank for him so I sit against the wall..still really wet..He comes after a while, I stick my tits out.
Later, we have a discussion about how I get wet just from him looking at my cunt. He doesn't believe me. We sit on the floor, his face between my legs, and its the way he licks his lips and stares intently..
"Told you" I laugh.
"Yeah, but now I wanna fuck you.."
So we fuck again on the floor. It's amazing how I can just let go in front of him now, let all the weird vocalisms out and not care what my face is doing. My orgasm made me feel weak.
Today he scrambled on top of me, naughtily, and forced it in until I was wet. Heaven.
We also visited Ann Summers today (British sex shop)- you can get three cockrings for 15 quid, which I want, amongst lots of other things. He says he's going to get a load of stuff pretty soon. We saw a cock restraint with three rings which was quite a bargain but I dont think you could have sex with it on, so its sorta pointless. He wants to get me anal bedas (see, anally fixated!) but I dont really want them. Keeps going to 'eat' my arse, too.
I want ankle spreaders and cockrings and kinda, kinda a gag.
Oh and a replica gun. Y'know, roleplay and all that. *g*

Urging His Hips

Last night.

He was knackered from basketball, so sex just wasn’t working. However, about two hours later, lay in my underwear, back to him but curled up against him, he slid a hand down me and whispered “This is all mine.”

I shuddered.

“This is mine and I can do whatever I want to it.”

A hand stroking my hips and thighs. “This is mine..”

Grabbing my breasts. “This is mine..”

And into my underwear. “And this is mine..”

I was moaning by now, willing him to tell me that he owns me. He pulled off my underwear and tried to slide in from behind, but I’d lost too much wet from when I was sitting on his knee and he was fingerfucking me.

“I need lube..” I whined.

“Get it then..”

I whined at him to stop what he was doing so I could sit up, swirled the lube around his cock the way he likes, and he fucked me. Until he came saying my name. Jesus.

This morning..I could feel his erection against my arse, so I slid my hand into his boxers and started to stroke him harder. He rolled onto my back so I could do it properly, and I mounted his stomach, dragging my parted lips over his nipple and ribcage. He was insistently pushing my head down to suck his cock, but I resisted, licking his torso and making him moan. He could feel me dripping onto him through my underwear, and after all the formalities I was riding him. W

When I’d had my fill, I climbed off him, knelt on all fours and made a head gesture that told him to get behind me. We hadn’t spoken yet, and it was hot. I’d been thinking about him bending me over and fucking and fucking me for a few days, so it was amazing relief. I put my cheek and shoulders right down on the pillow, and pointed my arse high as I could for him, like I’d seen on television recently. He came, again saying my name. I told him I LOVE that today, which seems to have been a good move.

Later I was really horny, but he said it was too soon after sex, and he didn’t think he could manage anything. I asked to blow him, and I DID get him hard, but I couldn’t open my mouth very wide for some reason, my jaw was crazy aching.

“So, I got you hard.” I said.

“Uhuh”

“So will you fuck me?”

He let me sink down on top of him-God I love when his arms are above his head, when we look at each other whilst we fuck. After a while he said, “Get on your back.”

Yum. I put my legs over his shoulders and we just watched each others faces, he knelt up and pulled my legs up so I could watch him fucking me. I wanted him to come over my stomach but I was too caught up in how loud he was making me come to ask.

At one point, my bent knees were at his hips and my hands were on his arse and his hips, me pulling him into me. It felt AMAZING. My cunt was just completely his, I was at a helpless angle, my hands were urging him to fuck me hard.

He came saying my name again :)

Last Backdated Entry!

The last backdated entry-I Am now caught up!

Bear was drunk for our sex on Wednesday night. I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to fuck, he’d told me earlier he thought he was gonna throw up.

‘Take off your dress.’

‘Bear, we’ve rowed, you’re very drunk, I don’t..’

‘Take off your dress.’

I stripped to my bra, underwear &tights. They were fucked, my tights. Laddered, with a hole starting near the crotch. I asked him to rip them. He did, with gusto. Teeth involved, and everything. It made me very wet, strips of them clinging to my legs. He didn’t take my underwear off-he parted it and slipped inside.

He was drunk, but to his credit, he was very hard and doing well. He fucked me from on top, then I kicked him backwards and rode him. He whispered in my ear, ‘Yknow what? I want you bent over the bed.’

Good, just what I’d been craving. Finger in my arsehole, too. He’s very anally fixated at the moment, since he first put his finger in the other day. He’s always touching my arse, slipping his finger in my arsehole.

I gave possibly the best blowjob of my life today-been really working on my gag reflex, I had him right down my throat, right at the back, for ages, was able to deepthroat slowly, no gagging, no big deal. I’m a pro! Suck his dick ‘til its really wet, swirl my hand around his shaft.

This morning he wanted it again. I was very turned on, he was masturbating, suggesting I do too, we watch each other, he’ll come on his chest and I can lick it up, stuff like that. He told me to get naked and climbed on top.

‘I’m gonna do what you liked last time..I’m gonna force it in until you’re wet..’

I was only dry because of alcohol consumption, but he took care of that. Mmm, forceful entering.

Eventually, he made me lay on my front to fuck me from behind, and at first I was grabbing the pillow and the side of the bed, but then I thought, ‘why not take this as an opportunity to make a fantasy come true?’

I’ve been wanting to have my hands tied behind my back whilst being fucked from behind for a while, and since there is no ‘tying’ material at Bears, I just held my wrists together. He got the hint and pushed down on my hands, like HE was holding them. Then held his hand on my head and started to pull my hair. Mmm.

Later we watched ‘Superbad’. It had a weird effect on me, making me horny. Sex was the main focus of the film, getting sex, and I thought, there’s a gorgeous boy lying next to me in tight boxers, how can I NOT attempt to seduce him?

I love his bulge in tight boxers. LOVE it. Looks huge. I stroked it, slowly, just outside the material. His breathing started to get heavy. We were below the covers, both breathing heavily, both clearly excited. I slid the boxers down his hips and took him into my mouth. He was fumbling at my pyjama bottoms, difficult when I’m between his legs blowing him, but he managed eventually and stuck two fingers in my now dripping cunt.

Then my poloshirt and bra came off..It was so passionate, no-one needed to do any talking, we both knew what we wanted, and he pulled me up by my hair, I crawled up him, parted my legs and sank onto him. Wetter than I’ve been in a while. Told him I love when he pulls me down onto it. Lots of hard fucking. I kept looking at the floor, wanting to fuck on it. I suggested it. He told me to crawl over to a spot.

The floor was GOOD. Hard, level, he was able to thrust really hard, really deep, for a good while. My neck was arching off the floor with the intensity. He pulled out and came across my stomach, then to my pleasant surprise slid back in for some more.