Reconciliation

Yesterday was brilliant. He stripped, and told me to stand so he could strip me, then sit on his cock. (I asked could we have more foreplay so I am wetter but he said no. He likes to force it in. I just get wetter later anyway. And it DOES feel like losing my virginity. But good.)
We were accidently angled in front of his full-length mirror. I felt sexier. I am not in love with my body by any means, but I stretched over him, catlike, and was able to position myself in ways he liked. He saw that I was looking and told me to bend over.
He took his place behind me and I was able to see him fucking me. Powerful. Amazing. And to see how exciting he gets ME too, to see me moaning..He pushed me forward so I could see him fucking me better.
He pulled me onto my back and drew my legs up around him. God, he was in so deep. It felt so different, I was constantly hovering on the edge. My noises were urgent, high in my throat, high and raw. He dripped with sweat onto my face and body. He cried out my name when he came which just made it all the fucking hotter.
And then later I rode him and we fucked from behind again.
I've just had my cunt waxed..I usually shave and it is beautifully smooth. I wanted oral..to feel the 'new' skin but of course I didn't want to ask for it. But at some stage Bear dived between my legs and made me come with his tongue. I was worried about him licking his own semen but he carried on regardless. Amazing.
He went on the computer but I was still horny..I was wanking and he came over and ordered me to do it in front of him. I said no.
I said I have taken off my wristband.
He said 'You'd better be wearing it when you come round.' (I didn't, and nothing was said, but it is going back on.)
So, he ordered I masturbate. I said no. He forced my legs apart and placed my hand on my cunt. I did nothing. I turned my head away. My heart raced.
He grabbed my neck and squeezed. I gasped. He hasn't strangled me since last year. I looked at him defiantly. He slapped my cheek with the back of his hand. I squirted wetness.
'Look at you, you still enjoy it' He sneered.
I continued to stare at him. He squeezed my neck harder. Tugged my nipples harder than he ever has. Gripped my breasts achingly hard. Raked nails down my thighs.
I still didn't masturbate.
He flicked my cunt. It hurt. I struggled, and kicked out at him. Finally, he stormed off. I felt shamed.
We talked about it later. 'I'll do whatever you want..' I said, almost sobbing.
He told me he didn't know he was into it until we started. He didn't mean to call it stupid. He frequently talked about slapping the back of my legs with his belt.
'It's your arse when you're good,' He said (though I now hate the belt) 'And your legs when you're bad.'
'You like hurting me, don't you?'
He said yes.