Slush

Not so sexy or fetishy but..
A text from him yesterday night..
'I dont tell you this enough, but I love you..'
..And sometimes that's all I need to know.

I Am Doing Better.

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Master-Heavy Dialogue

I do love This, with its little serving tray. Bear does keep threatening to get me to keep fetching frequent things!
We've been talking about getting more lifestyley of late. He says, 'one day we will, properly'. Yum. And I noticed he had a slave-related tagline in his msn today!
I have decided on kneeling, with my palms upward, resting on my thighs, my head down, as my presentation position. I think he likes this. I am looking forward to thanking him for fucking me.
I just personally think he's looking forward to me slipping up..He keeps talking about punishment and is researching them of late. And talks of upping humiliation, eek!
I said to him today that I noticed we didn't have a safeword.
'We don't need one-we don't do much that requires it.'
This is true in a sense-not much pain-related play, but then he told me to think of one. I couldn't think of one I'd remember and not feel like a dick shouting out. Not that I'd be trying to use it often.
He said, 'Good, I'll decide when it hurts too much, then.' Evil Bear.
I am showing him my presentation stuff tomorrow. He thinks it's 'awesome' he can command me into this, and I have to stay like it until told otherwise.
Tomorrow also begins the more 'Master' heavy dialogue.
I am nervous about moving on and moving on, but so willing to learn and eager to serve.

A New Task

Bear was saying to me over msn that he wants new naked pictures of me, as I've gone from blonde to brunette recently.
So I got makeup'd and fetish shoes'd up and naked and snapped away.
He's set me a task! He wants new naked pictures on the 1st of each month. Hmm.
In my quest to become better at this whole thing, I am reading THIS of late.
Me Likey :)

Like A Masturbation Ban.

My bloody vibrator is broken!
What kind of shitty vibe did I end up with that all it needs to do is slide out of me (too wet.), hit the floor and it'd stop vibrating? Even new batteries didn't help.
Yesterday, watching Bear masturbate and lick my shoes, I had to use it like a dildo.
I said to him today, 'I'm horny.'
He said he'd fix the vibe the next time he saw me. Probably smirking. He's probably enjoying this.
It's like a masturbation ban without him needing to enforce one.
I'm not the world's greatest fan of masturbation anyway..I was when I was growing up and I used to do it 6-9 times a day..And when I had my first sexual partner at 15, but no sex drive so I used to fill the void with masturbation. But since I've started enjoying sex and having it regularly, I know it's no real substitute, so I enjoy it less.
Bear fingerfucked me the other day, to so many orgasms I had to tell him to stop, it was so intense. He usually just cockfucks me, so I wasn't used to being fingerfucked.
I forgot how good he was.

Self-Training

I said to Bear that I need to learn to say 'Master' more, because I have such trouble with it. I told him to not let me get away with saying 'Yes' or whatever, to his questions.
But he's keen on a punishment. He said, 'Punishment is the best way to drive it into you.' He's just looking for excuses to unpleasantly punsih me now, because he's a fucking SADIST.
So it will be Yes Master, No Master, I might suprise him by starting to 'present' myself, and I will thank him for fucking me. Sounds delicious.
Wish he'd refer to me with a slut name more often though :/ Still, I can talk to him, at least. I mean, he did the shoe thing.
I found a list of 'humiliating' punishments online. These are the few I've been subjected to:

Address Dom’s as Sir, Ma'am, etc.
After sex, making sub lick off your cum and her juices from your penis
Blindfolds
Bondage that exposes body and/or places in odd positions
Curse words (Whore, Slut, Worthless, etc.)
Eye contact restrictions (This I find hot, if frustrating.)
Forced nudity

Ignoring slave
Having clothing chosen for her
Lead on leash
Orgasm control and/or denial
Slap face
slave positions (kneel, stand, etc.)
Speech restriction
Verbal abuse
Wear Masters cum on your face without wiping

Still. There is stuff like being masked. Mmm.

I Have A Shoe Fetish..

He ordered me on top but I really wasn't feeling it..I thought I was riding shit and I had body issues..Namely a 'fat day' (Why can't I just let go?) He did however say "You look gorgeous, you fucking whore." That was sweet.
I've realy worked on my gag reflex, too, so my blowjobs are getting better. He can really fuck my throat now. And hold my neck down on it for longer. He ended up fucking me on top, pulling out and coming on my stomach and cunt. He COULD just come inside me but I think he's developed a taste of late for coming on me.
When we got in from hanging, we were in the lift to my place and he half-threatened to get his cock out. 'Go on, then.' I said, amused.
'I will when we're inside.' He said.
But after I'd got him comfty, fussed around him, he lay with his eyes closed.
'Thought you were getting your cock out,' I teased.
He unzipped and pulled it out, but continued to lie there. I nudged him.
'What do you want me to do?' He asked.
I said, half-jokingly, 'Get on top of me and pin my wrists.'
He did, and asked me if I enjoyed it. I nodded, and he said he was glad. I asked why, and he nodded down towards his cock. Huge erection. He knelt up and started stroking himself.
I watched for a while, then couldnt resist taking him into my mouth. He pushed my head. 'Why do this when you've got a perfectly good pussy to fuck? Take your clothes off.' (Of late, he has been getting great at hair-pulling. He gets a big clump and pulls my head right back. Mmm.)
We fucked with him on top for a while, but I sensed he was getting tired.
'Go sit over there' I said, pointing to the computer chair.
My computer chair is really squeaky, which is annoying, but I do this weird thing with my ankles against his thighs so I can ride him a lot better, faster and with deeper penetration. He found a way to bend me over and slap his cock against my cunt, sort of slapping and stroking himself, and I whined as the tip of his cock, and occasionally knuckles, brushed past me. My mind was wondering..I wanted him to fuck me from behind, with my hands cuffed behind my back, but I didn't want to ask. So after some sharp spanks, more blowjob action.
Bear has been more tired of late-all his sports as well as long days at work are taking their toll. I could tell he wouldn't want to fuck, so I took the oppurtunity to wank whilst I sucked him, moaning into his cock.
Then, I popped the question, something I've been wanting to do for ages.
'Will you lick my shoes then wank on them?' I asked timidly. He agreed, so I strapped on the fetish shoes. 'I'll also be filming it' I grinned.
Well, hot. He did everything I ask, slowly licking the platform, and the SOLE, and biting and sucking my feet, sucking the heel. It looked gorgeous, so I started to fuck myself with my vibe. He knelt up, and we were looking at each other masturbating for a while, then as I was coming, he dripped his white arc over the platforms, turning his cock so both shoes got an equal dousing. I let out a loud moan, which unfortunately was on the film.
God, it looked amazing. Not sure why I got off/get off on shoes and shoe business so much. But either way, him coming on them was firey. It was strange being in charge, though.
Later on, I was teasing, saying how he was now the bitch, because he'd said 'I didn't tell you to put your underwear back on.' he said he'd punish me so much it'd make me cry.
'You just want to make me cry, don't you?' I asked.
'Yes, I love the idea. And you probably would love it.' He replied.
I probably WOULD love to be made cry, by hard sex. But I do think he is going to punish me soon-Something I won't enjoy-because he keeps talking about it.
And he obviously won't hint, because he doesn't want me to prepare.
Eek!
Edit: I sometimes want to be more dominant. I want to sneer at him, to push him away with my foot, to tell him to 'stop' or 'go away'. To see him crawl. But I see the sadness in his beautiful blue eyes (Yep, Bear can act submissive at times! It soon ends though, and he gets me back, threefold.) and I just can't do it, I feel so sorry, remember he's MY Master, *I* am owned by *Him*.
That's why Bear is such a good Dom-he doesn't give a shit about my anguish looks, whines, protests..It's all..get on with it.
Like he said today..'Shut up and suck it.'

Feeling Very Centred.

I mentioned in my first entry, 'Turn-Ons', that I have a thing for angelwings. A BIG thing.
Well, Bear bought these huge archangel wings and promised to fuck me in them on Friday (the day before my birthday). I got under the covers whilst he changed and when he told me to surface, he was wearing tight black boxers, had his hair spiked at the front with gel, bondage tape around his wrists and a collar on. So pretty much everything I like.
He fucked me, kneeling so I could see him clearly, looking at me, but I couldn't help really, really whimpering and spurting wetness, so he came before he planned to.
Funnily enough, we settled down to watch 'Deliverance'-Bear has taken to having me lie with his head in his lap whilst he strokes my hair. It makes me feel very safe, very owned, almost like a cat. I sometimes refer to myself as his pet, and that's how that position makes me feel. It struck midnight and he said I could have anything else I asked for. I wanted to be fucked in the arse, which made me laugh because we'd just watched Deliverance.
He got out a condom. I protested, 'It's pink, it's the one with the ribs and dots!'
'Well then,' he smiled, 'It'll just be more interesting, won't it. Bend over.'
He lubed me up and slid in. For the first few minutes of anal I'm like 'Gawd I hope it's coming out clean' but I finally relaxed and got into it-I loved getting fucked in the arse by Bear, he's the right mix of roughness and gentleness, and my cunt for some reason really responds and spasms. So much this time actually, I came twice. Odd.
The next day my cystitis was bad, so bad I was passing blood, so no fucking on my birthday. (I'd worried about Friday with my cystitis, but I texted Bear to say he'd better go easy on me, and he texted back 'how do I do that?')
So we waited until yesterday-we attempted fucking in the shower but even with lube, I was too tense. After shower, Bear was lying there topless in loose cotton boxers. God, I love his torso. I knelt on the floor and started blowing him, then stroking him, then told him I wanted to cut him. He agreed, and I cuffed his hands behind his back (he still has a handcuff mark on his wrist, sexy) and told him to lie down as much as he could..He was still pretty much leaning forwards, but I ran and got the knife, lubed up his cock and stroked him whilst I ran the knifetip over his body and thighs.
I made a big cut down his chest, then re-cut my initial because it was fading and said I could re-do it. It still looked too square so I did a better inital, lighter, on his hip. He asked me something, and I remember frowning and saying 'Don't ask questions!'
I was feeling very dom, but he soon got me back for that. The crap thing about our handcuffs is they have a safety mechanism, and Bear is crafty and gets out of them. I wanted to fuck him, so I leant over him.
"What do you want?" I enquired.
"I'm the one in cuffs..."
I gushed a little. "I want you to tell me.."
"Fuck me with your hand or cunt."
"Which?"
Angry face. "Decide!"
"I can't.."
"Stroke it."
The Master, even in handcuffs. I loved it. Besides, my tiny dom side never lasts. He uncuffed himself, put his hands behind his head and gave me permission to get on top. I rode him, quietly whining-I'm never sure now if I'm allowed to make noise, or he is going to issue a sudden noise ban. I was enjoying it, but I noticed Bear was lying expressionless, no noise, occasionally rolling his eyes. I leant forward and tried to kiss him-he sharply turned his head. I have no idea why, but I found the rejection quite hot. I tried again, got the same response.
Suddenly, "I'm bored. Get off and touch yourself."
I burned in shame. I did want to ask, "Am I not pleasing you Master?" but besides my trouble with that word, I wondered how he'd react. I stood before him (it always makes me feel shy) and he told me to wank whilst he did.
"Now lie on your back and carry on."
I did, until he came. I always look at his face, but again, I'm never sure if this is allowed. Suddenly he pinned my wrists.
"And don't you ever kiss me without permission. Do you understand?"
I nodded.
"Do you understand?!"
"Yes Master!" I choked out.
Legs above my head, pressed into my chest, I couldn't help whining. He was fucking me hard, and we went for about 15 minutes before he pulled out and came on my pubic bone and stomach. With a disinterested look, he wiped everything that had fallen on his hand onto my skin and walked away. When he came back, he said "You may clean yourself up now."
Gawd, it made me tremble. I made him food, got him constant drinks throughout the night and made sure he was comfortable.
I was aware he had work the next day but a couple of hours later I was horny enough to try to talk him into sex again. Made him hard with my hand and coaxed him into being on top..I know he's rather have not done the work, but I wanted to feel the warm weight of him before I slept. He did marvellously, kneeling up and watching his dick slide into my cunt, and when he was coming, "Oh God (Myname)!" He has NEVER called my name before. It was one of the hottest things EVER. I tried not to draw attention to it though-so here's hoping he'll do it in the future!
He also put me over my knee in a jokey way yesterday to spank me, and whilst I enjoy it, I could feel my arse wobbling, which made me sort of..aware of it.
He has also taken to gently NIBBLING my nipples. It was so hot seeing his teeth there yesterday, and he knows not to bite down hard, just a little scraping that makes my toes curl.
Bear and his affectionate bites. *sigh* the majority of the time, we'll be sat together, and he'll lean over and nip me in the arm or neck, or wherever he feels like it. I take it to mean he is reminding me he's there, and he owns me. I love it.

Highschool Position..

Bear had asked me to wear a particular lingerie item under my clothes yesterday. It is not my particular type-It's very 'slippery' material, quite unflattering, big pink net frills, pink butterflies all over it. But you know, women and men do sometimes have very different tastes in lingerie. So with creative license, I chose my own underwear-cute pastel coloured french knickers with pink frills and a silver heart charm.
At first Bear was quite distant when I went round, but I made sure to position myself so he saw that I was wearing the lingerie. He smiled and took off his top, and then told me to stand up and let him see me in it. I started to feel shy, stood there, so I got back on the bed and began to blow him.
Eventually, "You look good in that..Get on it."
I rode him to climax, then he bent me over and fucked me until he came, wanking over my back. Then we watched dvds for a while. He said, "I'm going to slip a finger into your arse." I scrunched up my face, but did nothing. He laughed. About five minutes later, "I am going to slip two fingers into your arse." Again, I did nothing.
"I'm not going to really, gosh, you suprise me with how good you are sometimes."
I said, "I'm not as good as I COULD be."-This is true-If I was completely good, I wouldn't say 'no' to him, I wouldn't question his demands.
I do think Bear wants to finger my arse-and I wouldn't stop him-but obviously he has to do it in his own time.
We playfought for a while and he said jokingly, "Blow Me." I said, "I want to."
He pushed my head down and he pulled me off by my hair.
"Look," He said. "You get me hard all the time. Now carry on." Pushed my head down, choked me. He has began to say "Good" when he's enjoying himself, which is amazing.
I crawled up him, feeling horny. "Why'd you stop, I want to come in your mouth, get back down there."
I did, for a while, but then somehow we ended up fucking. He seized my ankles and held them above his head, turned me upside down again (his new trick?) and knelt over me, my legs over his arms. I told him it was how I used to picture him fucking me in highschool. He groaned-"I can't wait for Friday, I'm gonna make you scream, I'm gonna fuck you like a little bitch.."
He decided to come in my mouth, so he knelt over me.
For the final time, I started blowing him again, then stopped, knelt up and he started stroking himself. I groaned. "You're making me wet.."
"Whats so wrong with that?" He grinned evilly.
"We've just covered up the wet.." I protested.
He smiled. "Well, there's a sofa there, there's a chair there, and there's a floor. As long as I get to hear you moan, to feel your cunt around my cock, I don't care." Delicious.
He got into the 'highschool' position and said, "Hands above your head. Don't move them."-When I used to fantasise, my hands were tied above my head with his school tie.
I was moaning a lot. "Don't make a noise." He growled. I couldn't help whining, even though I was biting my lip and at one point, a pillow, so he slapped my face. "Shut UP."
When I whined again, his face was like thunder (the look he gets when I disobey is so frightening..The alarm yet intruige of what he will do to punish me rises up quickly..) but continued to fuck me. Eventually, "Okay, make as much noise as you want."
I whined, "A noise ban was so cruel.."
He frowned at me.."You complaining?" I shook my head and took his cock-he gave me SUCH an amazing orgasm at one point, I thought I would pass out. After a while, without a word, he pulled out and spurted whatever he had left to give me across my chin, tits and stomach.
Unfortunately I've woken up with bloody cystitis though, Owies :(

Lots Of Sex.

So. Bear &I have been having a lot more sex of late.
Usually we'd have sex once a day, or twice with a large gap. Two days in a row now we've had sex 3 times, with very short intervals inbetween.
So. Sunday night. It had been ages since I'd seen Bear, and I'd been planning to dom him for a few days-I got dressed up in my red underwear, and put my handcuff keys around my neck. I planned to huskily ask, "What do you think these are for?" When he 'found' them. But he had other ideas.
After the movie we saw, we got to Bears and he knelt over me. "I want to fuck you-Can I?" And that was all he needed to say-just hearing Bear say 'fuck'. I nodded, nervously, and he stripped us both-him naked and me to my panties-red lace-which he put his face to, licking me through them. He was pretty much all over me, biting my neck really hard, pulling me further and further down the bed by my legs.
He fucked me, making me whine, looking into my eyes, and suddenly lifted my legs up so I was partway upside down and slammed down into me. Amazing.
The second time, I rode the fuck out of him-coming really easily as he hit my gspot, and the third time, we were fooling around, he started fucking me standing up, me lying down, then suddenly "I want to come in your mouth, you know."
Knelt up over my face, I put the head of his penis between my lips and stroked him until he spurted..Which was amazing, as I hadn't tasted his come for ages.
And he said "I love you" with no prompting, drink-free. Just cuddling, a sudden "I love you". Wonderful.
Yesterday, we were showering together, and he was making 'let's fuck' type moves-I have a single freckle on my cunt, which he was stroking and growling. I was all,
"We can't fuck in the shower."
(Every time I've tried, height difference comes into play, and I'd rather not get lifted up by a man)
He said, "I bet we can"..After a few failed attempts at getting between my legs, he bent me over and fucked me from behind, stood up, cool water running over my back. Mmm. His hips were curving into my cunt and I was whining really loud..He was unrelenting, it was amazing. Just holding my hips and driving into me, the shower door opened at one point and the water was flowing over the floor but we didn't give a fuck.
And do you know what I love apart from swallowing his come? When he comes inside me and I later feel it drip out-just makes me feel honoured he let me recieve it.
Later, more riding him hard (I always get concious I'll slam down on his cock the wrong way) until I felt like him fucking me..His hands holding my ankles in the air, it was the roughest sex I've ever had, and I've done rape play! (both with Bear and with an ex)
He later said to me "It looked like you were gonna cry." (I wasn't, my face just gets fucked up when sex is intense) He said, "I saw and thought, fuck it, I'm gonna make her cry." He bet me one day he'd fuck me until the tears rolled down my face and I begged him to stop. Jesus.
Then we watched a zombie movie..Ha. And jokingly, as the credits rolled, I said "Okay, you can fuck me anally now."
I started to suck him, and he said, "Bend over."
I got startled, started to protest that I didn't want anal, but he fucked me from behind until I was whimpering..Nearly as hard as the previous session but still as wonderful..I really do love it from behind.
It's my birthday on Saturday! He promised to do whatever I want sexually on Friday night (and tomorrow he demanded I go around to his house wearing the lingerie of his choice..A black nightie thing with pink hearts, pink netting..Not my kind of thing but I'd wear it for Bear) so he bought me some huge archangel wings for him to wear, and he's gonna 'rape' me.
We watched 'Secretary' yesterday..I wasn't too impressed, not too much punishment, but it was sort of exciting, especially the spanking scene. No-one remembers the beautiful romance of her hunger strike..Just things like the saddle!
I think it'd be a really lovely thing for me to wait for Bear like that.

Naughty Pouncing Bear

He teases me, and it annoys me.
I like to KNOW I'm getting laid, rather than getting all worked up about it then denied.
We were at a new years eve party yesterday. He said he wants to put toffee sauce on my nipples and lick it off, when we get home. He also said he likes when I ask permission to do stuff to him, which I will DEFINATELY start more.
We got in, he bit my neck, slid down to the floor to my converse and said 'I'd lick ANY shoes you wore, yknow.' Mmm. I have a thing about wanting him to lick my shoes, though HE'S the dom. I thought he was going to lick me out but he came back up, undid his fly and pushed my head down there. I knelt before him on his HARDWOOD floor. Mmm. Extra suffering. And pushing my head down. HOT. I love that his appetite for getting head almost matches me appetite to GIVE.
We went to bed eventually, and there was mucho kissing-'I love kissing you,' he said. He's said that twice in two days now-I don't think we kiss ENOUGH, but he seems fine with the amount. I'm a very kissy girl though..I'll happily lie and make out for hours.
He growled at me to describe what I want him to do on my birthday, but I could only gasp in suprise..what DON'T I want him to do? I said I want him to get the big, big angelwings for my birthday present. I want him to wear them, and fuck me, I want double penetration with a dildo, I want him to lick my shoes and film it, I want, I want..
He said I'd get an 8-hour fucksession. I said, 'You won't last 8 hours.'
He said, 'Thats what viagra is for.' I wanted to try viagra, but he seemed against the idea. I hope he isnt fucking about, and he manages to get hold of some.
He's so, so hesitant about fucking 'around' families, but after a LOT of persuasion, I was able to scramble onto his erection. SO hard. He was all, 'this will have to be REALLY quiet and slow.' But I had that whole..Relief thing again. So relieved to get onto his cock. I love backing onto it in slow motion, feeling its stiffness..He was trying not to whine..
Then his BROTHER coming home was the problem. So we slept.
In the morning, I knew he was semi-awake. He loves the idea of being woken with a blowjob, but I'm really nervous about being told off for molesting him in his sleep-but I could feel his erection against my thigh, so I reached down and stroked it. He smiled and said good morning, and when I moved down to suck it, he pushed my head down onto it, to choke me with it. I LOVE that. I love it. He was all, 'All the way' and demanding I scratch his balls with my nails-it was pretty delicious.
He wouldn't fuck me because his bloody mother was awake, though. :/
I shared two fantasies with him this morning-that I want to be fucked bent over a gravestone (I hope we can fulfil this one, there are two graveyards near us at uni) and kissing him with my blood in my mouth.