Vampire Shirts &Disobeying Him

Mmm. Long walks, just figuring out the thoughts in my head, figuring out what to put in my blog.
Lots of things..
He doesn’t understand it takes nothing for him to turn me on. This morning, he bit me on the back of the neck. A rush of PleasurePain went through me, and because I’m on my period, I didn’t want to fuck and get it everywhere, so I was like, ‘stop…’
God, I LOVE his bites. I think Bear is a good nickname-we’re quite animalistic people anyway, but he has nips of affection, bites where he just lazily leaves his teeth there (like my friends kitten..) and hard, sexual bites. All of them turn me on, every time.
I think my constant fantasising annoys him, though. I’m a hugely sexual person and I invent lots of scenarios that I’d be totally happy with Bear doing, so I doubt I’d ever get bored of him. I noticed today that he has a hardness to his face-to his jaw, and his eyes are a very cold blue, but there’s a softness in his smile, and in his sleep.
Things I’ve been fantasising about recently..
I dream about being collared constantly, an outward sign to the world that I’m owned. I wish he’d say that more, too. I think about him coming onto the collar..When it’s off me, when its ON me. I wish he’d buy me a piece of slave jewelry, I love the sort of ‘Story of O’ rings. Like I’d ask, though.
I want him to fuck me up the arse-I want him to hold my hips and drive himself into me brutally. God, I remember the first time Bear fucked me up the arse. I’d only enjoyed it once with my exboyfriend, and we did it very gently, spooning. Bear &I tried that for ages but it was just NOT going up my arse. So we fucked doggy, but suddenly, he just PUSHED himself up there. I was biting the pillow with the pain and the force, but when he was actually up there, it was amazing. I love him to assfuck me, my cunt totally reacts and gets into it.
He showed me this vampiristic shirt he has this morning..Black with all eyelets and strings. Quite loose, it could do with being tighter. But I’m obsessed with him wearing that and fangs at the moment, and just biting me. I want him to handcuff me up and bite me whilst I’m helpless.
We had a night out with my friends, then I went home to meet his mum. I could feel the sexual tension in the air and I was absolutely dying for her to go to bed. She did, eventually, and I started fooling around in Bears jeans..(I bought him a pair of black boxers with a green snake on yesterday..very tight, very nice. Shows off his bulge greatly :) but he was all ‘I can’t have sex when my mum’s in the house’. That old chestnut. Like the whole ‘I can’t fuck you when your parents are in’..I don’t know why he makes these promises.
So I got on my knees and started sucking him, trying to ease his jeans off his hips when he was distracted. He was sighing, ‘I can’t, I can’t.’
I said, ‘If you couldn’t, you’d be stopping me. You’ll get sucked, but you won’t fuck me?’ The four gins I had were making me feel quite brave, I’m usually not very good at all at voicing stuff, so I looked at him directly and was like, ‘You know you want me.’
He nodded.
I said, ‘What are you gonna do if I just sat on you, how are you gonna stop me?’
Long story short, we ended up fucking. It was amazing. It’s such a RELIEF to get on his dick after getting wet for so long, begging for it, giving him everything he needs, and seeing it that hard. I have a total lovehate relationship with my period, because even though its great lube (ha), its obviously messy and not very pleasant. Bear doesn’t mind though, which is GREAT. I squirted blood all over his chest accidently once, but we both actually ended up enjoying that quite a lot. So I was riding him, trying to be quiet because of his mother, not really succeeding because of how hard he was, and how we were both fully dressed..Him flies down, me dress up, just for the purpose, like teenagers. He told me he’d came, which was odd because I can usually tell.
This morning, he was feeling really stressed. He got hold of my hand by the wrist and put it down his pj bottoms. ‘Make me happy’ he instructed.
I started to stroke him..God, his full lips parting, biting them..But then he moved my hand again. ‘Balls.’ He said. He usually likes them grabbed tight and tugged on hard, but he said, ‘gently.’ I alternated between stroking him and playing with his balls for about ten minutes, then he said ‘Stop’.
I was disappointed, I asked, ‘Why?’
He looked surprised. ‘You’re my obedient little slavegirl, and you have to do anything I ask.’
I smiled. ‘Put a finger up your arse.’ He said, not a trace of amusement on his face.
I hate disobeying, but I said ‘No!’-I felt it’d look really unflattering, would be messy and there would be no real point.
‘You’re disobeying a direct order?’ He asked. I reminded him that I’d also said no to reverse cowgirl a few days earlier. My reason is I hate my arse. But then I thought, we do it from behind, how lame. I do completely hate saying no to him, I do wish I could be completely obedient to him but I just can’t let myself go. So he let me stroke him (whilst I watched my hands work in his mirrored wardrobe, quite hot) until his hot arc of white shot up and hit him in the shoulder and splashed across his chest. Fucking BEAUTIFUL.

Partying With Bear &How Much Colds Suck.

I particularly love being at parties with Bear. He gets really emotional when he’s drunk..He cornered me in the kitchen, I sat on a worksurface and he crept between my legs, started telling me sad things about his childhood, I told him sad things about mine, then he moved on to my insecurities about us..Held both my hands and kept saying ‘Look at me.’ He said ‘You’re the one, you really are.’ He said, ‘I love you.’ I wish he wouldn’t, kinda, because I don’t want him to say it, and not mean it. I said it’s so weird for me that I liked him in highschool in ages, and now we’re together, it feels like I don’t deserve it. He said he feels the other way around.
I said, I’m not used to him being nice to me for such a long period of time, can’t he do it all the time? I’m his girlfriend. He cracked a smile ‘I know you are. It’s lovely. You’re like my trophy.’ I think that was meant in a good way, though. A girl I hated was at the party and he stayed by my side, even if the row I had with her was emo nonsense, he listened and totally understood.
Anyway, the sexual stuff. At parties, its getting me to chew the chocolate off a coconut sweet for him, getting me to get him a beer (even if the bag was RIGHT next to him) and open it for him, little things like that that put me in my place.
I was getting dressed for bed, took off my top and he suddenly came down on top of me, licking my nipples.
‘It’s cold!’
‘I’ll warm you up-with my cock, my tongue, whatever.’
So he licked my torso for a good while, then stood up to strip. He usually wears quite loose boxers, but these were new ones he’d received for Christmas, and they were TIGHT. He had this delicious bulge. When he pulled them off he had this HUGE erection-there are different types, aren’t they? Sometimes he’s REALLY turned on and his cock is even bigger than it is normally. This was one of those occasions. I was lay on the bed and he came over, stood up, and pushed his erection in my face. I’d asked for (and received) a phone memory card for Christmas, with the intention of filming our ‘antics’ and watching them back, so I filmed the blowjob I gave him.
God it looked good, I think that’s how I’m SUPPOSED to look, with His cock in my mouth. The hottest part of it was seeing his huge hand on the back of my head, pushing his dick to the back of my throat, choking me. I adore when he does that, his power turns me on so much. And then I looked up at him. I know he loves that.
I also enjoyed the glitter of my lipring underneath his cock.
Lying down-‘Get on it, you fucking wet bitch.’
God, as I mentioned, it’d been a while since he called me names, and I totally ate it up. Just hearing him-Slut, Bitch, Whore, it was just making me come automatically, like second nature.
‘Lick it up.’ He likes to get me to lick up my cunt juice as a form of humiliation, he knows I hate the taste, it has quite a bitter edge to it, unlike the delicious taste of him. When I’d licked it up, I said, ‘It’s gone.’ Ugh, why didn’t I say Master? I have such trouble with the word, its always on the tip of my tongue but I always, always chicken out, except on texts.
I generally rode him until he came, then he was hard again almost straightaway, which is unusual for him, but becoming more common. Nudging me. I started to lick his nipples and bite his ribcage. He was groaning.
‘Do whatever you want with me.’
Ugh. I don’t like when he does this, he KNOWS I only get off on doing what HE wants. Whatever, I only knew I wanted to get fucked. So he stood up, I lay down, my legs on his shoulders, whilst he ploughed into me. He was hitting something amazing in my cunt, I don’t know what it was-not my gspot but amazing. I don’t really talk during sex, but his fucking elicited a ‘oh my God oh my GOD please don’t stop, fuck me as hard as you can’..He’d wanted to come ON me, but I felt him gush into my cunt as I came.
The next day. Now I have a cold, so I’m sucking at blowjobs right now (apart from the one I filmed) because I can’t breathe through my nose. Now I know I should ignore it and just dedicate myself to pleasing him, but not being able to breathe kinda panics me. (He also asked me to ride him like, reverse cowgirl which I said no to..I felt guilty later, I don’t like to say no to Him) but I got him hard with my mouth anyway, dying to keep sucking it but not being able, so I began to stroke him..His moans actually make me plenty wet and plenty excited. I said, ‘How do you want to come?’ He wanted to come on my tits, so he knelt over me, palms flat against the wall, looking down on me whilst I stroked him. God, he looks so effortlessly model-esque when he’s enjoying himself, leaning his cheek against his bicep, his lips parted, all this angelsong coming out..I was fucking SOAKING my pyjama bottoms but I wanted him to come how he wanted. Held back the temptation to beg him to fuck me. I also wanted to film this incredible vocalization but I thought it’d put him off. I kept getting him close then switching hands. Out of frustration after a while, he tugged it from me and spurted across my chest..I love the sensation of it spraying out, hot and wet, high as my neck and hair, all over my chest. He apparently likes the idea of me rubbing it into my skin, but he didn’t tell me this until later.
About half an hour later, I was nibbling his nipples-they were both hard with the coldness of the room, and I reached down to his semi-hard dick. Stroked it until it was hard. Asked him to fuck me from behind.
He’s very animalistic when he does this, pulls right out then slams back again. Always makes me come several times before he does.‘Love’ is such a small word for the feeling.

He Stayed

Sexual Recapping.
We found a new way to have sex. I basically fold myself up sort of, put my legs on his hips, or press my knees to my chest, or sling a leg over his shoulders. Anything that allows for deeper penetration.
God he says such thrilling stuff to me.
"I like looking at you whilst I'm fucking you."
"Get on your back and spread your legs wide."
"I want you to kneel over me and do yourself."
Growls into my ear (He knows I love that) bites my neck.
He lay me down slowly and made out with me..slowly for like 3 minutes. God it was incredible.
Yesterday I had my knees up to my chest and he was between them, kneeling right over me and fucking me really hard. I started coming really intensely, trembling, and I straightened my legs and pulled his arse closer to me with the sides of my feet. His hips banged into me and he came as I did, the instant I pulled him in deeper. He's so amazing at making me come.
Three times this morning before he did. Because we usually fuck hard and fast, I slicked him down with lube and said 'Go slow.'
I could feel his every inch slipping inside me when he went slowly..Nearly pulling right out then slipping right back inside again. He makes me wail, it's really high pitched and unlike me, like when hentai chicks are getting raped. THAT'S what he makes me sound like.
He's gone home now, and I'm going on Wednesday. Not sure when we'll hang, though.

Dealing With Drunken Bears..

Ugh. I love being with Bear but sometimes, it's torture, too.
He called yesterday and was so unlike him. Really affectionate, on for 30+ minutes and we did that whole 'You hang up!' thing like on friends. And since I agonize over everything, soon as he DID hang up, it was like, 'Oh God and he's such a good actor too, God why was he not like that when we were friends?'
Later he went out drinking. It'd been a nice evening here, flaking out, listening to Deathcab on repeat, I went to bed about 1AM. Just as I was drifting off, a text.
'You sleeping right now? xx'
Uh-oh. Alarm bells. He calls. Wants to come over. Is drunk. Is falling down.
Tells me he's been hugging people. Uh-oh. Flirting. Saying he's glad he loves me. I wish he wouldn't just say that when he's drunk, but thats men for you isn't it. Basically passes out. I get mad. When we both awake, I see the red cross on his hand is also on his chest. Over the scar of my initial that I cut into him. I feel a bit like he's crossed ME out. He says he's just slept on his hand. I'm not so sure.
Then I notice teethmarks on his neck. Well, a toothmark. He says its his necklace. It looks like a toothmark. I just can't shake this feeling he's messing around on me. It's HIS fault, he said he was ready to settle with me and now..this. But he was still a little tipsy so it's not exactly like I could really have a go.
Keeps pushing my head down. He's such a kidder, though.
"Do you WANT a blowjob?"
"Mmmhmm."
So I go down, though I have morning breath and bedhair and smudged last night's makeup and generally look a tip.
So I suck it, slowly, he's groaning, saying stuff, starts pulling clumps of my hair and using it to pull me up and down. He says
"You've done a good job, you can ride it for a minute if you want."
Sometimes this is how it works, I get rewards.
"I only want to do what you want."
So he pushes my face down to his balls for a while, licking, more sucking and stroking him, then he pulls my hair.
"Get on it."
I ride him, one leg off the bed and on the floor, come two or three times, looking at his bondage tape bracelet, his black nails (they never chip, unlike mine), his hands flat on the wall, his mouth.
"I want to come on you."
I go to lie down.
"Bend over." He instructs.
I look confused, we've never done this game before. So I bend over, all fours on the bed and he slides into me, saying
"I'm gonna take you like a little bitch."
God. And that's all he needs to say. And he fucks me hard, for ages, usually its quite..quick from behind but he goes for ages. I'm whimpering and shaking.
"I want to come on you."
I lay on my back and he knelt over me.
"Play with yourself."
But after about 10 minutes he had to go. Fucking hell.
He put three fingers in my cunt as he was dressing, sat there and wanked me off til I came, within like 30 seconds. I think he gets a kick out of the fact he can make me come fast.
He hugged me.
"Slavegirl" He smiled. "You have to do whatever I want."
A confusing Bear.

Introduction

I've decided to leave my list of turn-ons up-just so you know what I'm into.
However I've made this attempt at a sexblog, a sex and love blog. For a new relationship. A new leaf.
But how to introduce Bear?
I don't even remember why I started calling him Bear. He does have a deep, growly voice and is partial to the odd growl.
He's 20. I'm 20 in January. He's shorter than me, at 5'8 (I'm 5'10) He's stocky, muscly, a basketballer, and ex-lifeguard. Hot. Tattoo on his arm he had done when he was 16 that he regrets.
Dirtyblonde hair, deep blue eyes with grey splotches around the iris..I say its where he was shot with a shotgun shell. I know that's weird.
I've wanted him since I was 12-we went to highschool together and I used to fantasise about him tying me up with my tie. I hoped he was kinky, and he is. Kinkier than me, even.
I used to write unrequited poetry when he wasn't with me. He read it, we agonised, we're together.
So. Let's rock this bitch.