Life With Bear

More Anal

2009-02-19T17:08:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I think I like it better in the arse.
Bear was fucking me missionary there, my legs on his shoulders. He hit something EPIC (I think I have a prostate sometimes) and I squirted the most ever all over his chest and pubic bone.
He came really loudly, and gasped sweatily, "You're SO good!"
That turned me on, loads.

Dirty

2009-02-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

Bear can actually be a really emotional boy, and recently he told me he doesn't feel I'm as happy with him, and all I seem to want is sex.
Desperate to prove otherwise, I made a vow that we shouldn't for a while. Well, easier said than done. It's basically a longdistance thing..And wanking on webcam is enough to make you take back that vow.
He wanted to see it through, and I saw him yesterday. Lying next to him, near his lips shaking, I finally admitted after a few hours I wanted to fuck. I didn't want to ask, but weak.
"Oh so you don't feel the way you did?" He asked, unbuttoning his jeans. He lay over me, we made out..It was extremely epic. He teased me-biting my thighs and slowly stripping until I was shuddering and the wettest I've been for a while.
He fucked me on top, my legs on his shoulders fucking me probably the fastest thrusts he ever has. I rode him-actually able to fully bounce on his cock, sliding around from the liquids STILL dripping out of me.
I asked him did he want to fuck my arse, which we did, him on top. It was the best anal I've ever recieved-we used very little lube accidently, and my arsehole shuddered around him as my cunt pulsated. Amazing.
Later, before we went out, we had a quickie with me on top but it wasn't really working, nice practice though.
It was the night-time that was probably most amazing. Bear was telling me in the bar that I owed him a blowjob, and to not stop until he came..I dropped to my knees when we got home but drink had worked its magic and it was difficult.
He settled for fingering my cunt, me squirting all over his hand, occasionally his mouth when he blew on my cunt, and all over the bed. He began to spank my cunt, open-palm blows gentle at first then the most painful he's ever treated me. He was grinning from my noises, squeals of pleasurepain, almost crying.
'Do you want me to stop? Does it hurt?' He teased. I could hardly speak.
I tried to shut my legs but he pulled them open, then moved onto cracking my arse with his hand, telling me to 'stick it out', hitting it harder when I flinched.
Of course I was soaking, he'd never been so cruel..and he manovered me into a crunched-up sort of missionary, my legs all pressed to my body. I commented on how he loved hurting me. He smiled and growled at me.
'You know you're my property,' He said. 'I can do whatever I want to you. You're worthless, you piece of shit. You're LESS than shit, less than nothing. I'm only with you to fuck you..' (The last comment obviously isn't true, but sent me wild either way.)
Then I ended up in a 69 position with him..Him rimming me then sticking his fingers up my arse. I dripped on his chest and shook, begging him to fuck me up the arse. He obliged, me on my knees, me telling him I'm his whore, etc. etc.
He was getting tired, so I blew him and tried to massage his prostate, never really done it before but it was a fun experience. After all that we were pretty tired, but its probably one of our dirtiest, and definately roughest, sessions.
This morning he spooned me, then fucked me from behind, me lying on my stomach. It felt amazing, and he was meant to come on my back (he told me he'd considered wanking onto my back this morning as he'd woken before me) but I didn't want him to withdraw, so that was that.
It was a shame he didn't feel like fucking before he left, but c'est la vie.

Short

2009-01-25T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm at a great stage with Bear. I can talk to him about anything. I've felt for a while I'm not a part of his masturbation routine, but turns out, I am. He looks at me. I feel so much better when he's looking at women with smaller tits, also.
Stream of conciousness..
We've been doing a lot more anal of late. I suggested we try other positions, as I've only ever done it with him doggie-style, and with my ex as spoons. So I got on top..that was difficult..But missionary anal is AMAZING. He likes to watch me finger my arse, also. He told me I have a sexy-looking vagina, which I totally needed to hear. He's been bending me over a lot.
He mentioned he liked 'messy' blowjobs, so I've been spitting, and choking, a lot more.
I gave him a blowjob this morning. I love the taste of him, it's been a while.
We have new toys. I'm finally relenting to nipple tassels-they don't have a tassel, which is my comprimise, &I have a vibrating (large) buttplug I haven't tried yet, and ankle cuffs in the style of fluffy handcuffs.
Slave bracelet is back on. He was pissed I took it off.

Bath

2008-12-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

You might not know this, but Bear has a thing about water.
He ran me a hot bath last night, as I've been ill. I was naked, and bent over swooshing more cold water into the hot. I felt his erection through his jeans on my bare arse and felt really flattered. He stroked it a while until I stepped into the bubbles.
His hand was tracing my thighs, and I shuddered. He looked puzzled, then said, 'aah'. And dipped a finger into my cunt. I was moaning, thinking that I'd be fine with just the thigh-stroking for a while, THEN this, but then that this was better, and then-that I've never been fingered in the bath before.
I reached up to feel his clothed erection, then pulled it out, stroking it as he stood next to the bath. It was veinier than usual, I noted.
I opened my mouth and looked at him, then sucked half of his cock, swirling my hand, lubed by warm water, down the rest.
I thought I felt pre-come on my lips fairly quickly, then realised he was in fact coming, and it usually takes a good while to make Bear come from oral, so I put his cock back inside my mouth and swallowed all he had to give.
I remarked on how quick it was, and he remarked that I 'look good in water'.

Fingers

2008-12-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

Last night, I took four fingers, right up to the lower knuckle, before I cried out. Proud.
I struggled against Bear's fingers &felt like he was in my womb :)
He growled, 'I've wanted to fuck you for a while now..'
I ordered him to come.
This morning I wanked him off over my tits.

Crossed Out

2008-12-05T08:55:00.001-08:00

Flirting until the act is hot.
Being up against his door in over-the-door restraints whilst wrapping my legs around his hips is hot.
Being strangled, my throat pressed down on whilst he towers above me, not knowing when he's going to stop and feeling like I'm gonna pass out in a good way is hot.
I kind of want to pass out and wake up to him doing disgusting things to me.
Him holding my hips and driving his cock sharply upwards is hot.
He's amazing.

You Could Be Mine

2008-11-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I wanted sex, obviously. Bear's riposte was 'show me your tits.'
Soon we he has on top, me wrapping my legs around his hips digging my nails in his back for dear life. He spat in my mouth (mmm) and over my chest, rubbing it in. Couple this with licking my face, all over my cheeks.
Urging me to come, 'Come bitch come, come on my dick..'
Pushing my head down on his dick as he knelt up, then me sinking down on it. A ridiculous amount of orgasms.
When we'd returned from tea, just before bed, I blew him, thinking about three times he was going to come in my mouth..not being able to wait..Climbed on top and after coming twice shreiking how I wanted him to come inside me.
More of the same today, riding him after a lubey handjob, then him telling me he wanted me to put the anal beads up inside me. I was hesitant, then it felt amazing from on top.
I bent over for him, 'I want you to fuck me from behind, and I want you to treat me like a slut.'
Fucked me 'til I was squealing, then came into his hand and made me lick it out of his palm. Fucking DELICIOUS.
This afternoon I wanted more..He'd been squeezing my tits, telling me how they (and me) belonged to him, were his property, kissing me, flicking his tongue in my mouth, discussing oral..But he was too tired and needless to say I went home a horny Songs. I'm so glad I'm seeing him tomorrow!
And we have still not used our over-the-door cuffs.

Silly

2008-11-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

I said I'd update more..then I didn't.
I've thought about closing this, because because of uni, I rarely see Bear and its really hard for me. But, its nice to have a record, and record those times we are together..
Yesterday I was feeling really sexy. Black lacy french underwear and a black bra with red ribbon trim under my clothes. Bear told me to take my pants off..he uses this as pre-sex words a lot now so I know whats coming..I did a lot of bending over whilst I sorted out music etc., I wanted to make the bed but he had other ideas..Rubbing the satin crotch of the panties as I was on all fours protesting, he said 'doesn't that feel good? I really want to fuck..'
He sat on the bed and I straddled him, in just bra and panties now, pushing tits in his face.
'You look so good..' he rarely says that, so I felt a rush of 'oooh!'
Soon I was on my back getting my nipples nibbled, my cunt licked and bitten through my underwear..I love getting touched THROUGH the underwear so I was wet..him fingering me, then me naked him stroking his dick in front of me, me whining for his cock. Him fucking me, pausing to squirt, all over his chest his face in his mouth.
He fucked me, growling for me, my legs curled around his hips and arse, him growling away telling me he likes the look in my eyes..I was screaming and he came inside me.
I was disappointed I couldn't have more..I wanted anal and to suck him until he came in my face but it was pretty late and he promised more the next day.
So today as he slept (he stayed at my house whilst I went to work) I put on a pink with white lace bra and matching thong and went to work. I usually hate thongs but am getting used to them..I think Bear likes enticing underwear so it makes me feel better.
After I'd returned from work and we'd been out to eat I was dying for sex..Luckily he stripped out of his jeans and told me he wanted to see my underwear. I stripped and put my be-thonged arseup against his boxers, feeling his erection.
'Are you doing this on purpose? This could make me come alone..'
'Yes' I said.
He lay down and I straddled him, he told me he liked the underwear. I asked him did he want a blowjob, and I've never known him turn one down.
I sucked for a while then came up for air.
'You know what I want to do? Suck you until you tell me I can fuck you, then fuck you, then swallow your come..'
He told me he hadn't said I could fuck him yet, and to keep sucking. After a while he said I could get on it, if I wanted. I said, 'desicions..' and kept sucking.
I caved after a few minutes, parted my thong and slid onto him. He told me the next time he saw me, he wanted to lead me around in my collar then tie me up. So if I go up there, I have to bring my collar to him. I want one at his house.
He told me to turn around, so we did a lot of reverse cowgirl. I felt his finger up my arse after a while and told him I wanted him to fuck me up the arse.
He got behind me and was really going for it, it was amazing.
'Do you want your vibrator too?'
I told him I loved him, he was so dirty.
'Vibrator or glass?'
I picked the glass dildo but it obviously isnt as soft as my vibe and was hurting him, so he carried on fucking my arse. He told me he wanted to come on my vibe and watch me use his come as lube. I thought that about the hottest thing ever, as we have white lube which I pretend I'm doing just that with-it seems so naughty.
I asked him to talk dirty to me.
'You slut, I don't have to talk dirty to you. Your arse is going to make me come..'
But he got tired and needed to shower. I asked could I blow him in the shower. That was really special, him face-fucking me, then wanking, looking at my face begging for it, my tongue out me whimpering. I love his taste.

I'm Back

2008-09-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

That was a long break, wasn't it.
Sometimes blogging..Remembering the details of what I do with Bear..is intense, really hard for me to do. But the next time we fuck, I'll tell. I'll do better.
I have since taken my first experience of double penetration. He fucked me in the arse whilst fucking my cunt with my vibe.
He bought me a glass dildo, and I bought him special cuffs, so he can hang them over a door and we can fuck standing up.
This morning he slapped my face so hard I'm pretty sure my jaw went in two different directions.
I love him, I love him I do.
So, here's to better blogging.

Feelin' Dom

2008-07-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

He has not felt particularly 'dom' in ages. I didn't know he was last night. We came back from partying, and I told him to go down on me. He kept asking, 'is that what you want?'..It was disturbing.
The head was great until he bit my cunt. He was very bitey last night. Thighs, cunt etc. When I'd came about twice, I whispered 'come here..'
He began talking really filthily, basically. It's been a while for that, too.
'I want you to make my dick and balls wet..I want you to come over my dick. How does it feel? Tell me how good my cock feels.'
I said, 'Did you like eating my cunt?'
'I loved it..do you want me to do it again, or do you want me to keep fucking you with my dick?' He grabbed my hand and put it over his dick as he slid in and out. 'Dont move your hand, and I want you to come on me..'
He was so demanding of me describing how he felt. I told him he's the best I've ever had.
'I wanna fuck you on the floor..face on the carpet, arse in the air..'
Okay, that turned me on. A lot. His fingers would wander to my arse but it felt sore, so I pulled away. 'Come here..' he'd growl.
'Do you want me to come in your throat?' He asked sitting up. 'Do you like the taste of my come? Put my dick to the back of your throat. Suck me, then ride me. I wanna use you to come.'
There was a lot of sucking and riding and I asked him 'Am I your comeslut?' He loved that. He was supposed to come in my throat but I was dying to watch him come..I pulled his hips towards me further.

Just

2008-07-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just to record what went on last night. The house was empty, Bear and I were going out later. I asked if he wanted some. At first he declined, but when I moaned about needs (heh) he followed me upstairs whilst taking off my belt.
I rode him.
'You feel good. Do I feel good? I want you to be louder..'
So I asked him to fuck me. Unfortunately he came, but I told him I'd wanted to swallow it. About ten minutes later he was hard again, and pulled my panties aside (not off) to slide it in me. Then he told me to go swallow, so I made him come with my mouth.
After the party, we fucked on his friends couch :D I was in tshirt and underwear and he was getting excited. I rubbed him hard, sucked him then told him to fuck me. We spooned for ages, really energetically, and he came when he fucked me from behind.

So Happy Together

2008-07-05T05:55:00.001-07:00

I had sex with Bear last week and didn't document it. Argh! Yesterday:
He was frustrated with my attention span and called me upstairs. I hoped it'd be for sex!
We lay next to each other and he slowly kissed me, then told me to stand up. I stood between his legs and he stripped me naked. He was clothed. He fingerfucked me, me standing. Then he told me to bend over. He continued to fingerfuck me until my cunt was spasming on his fingers, and I was gripping the headboard. The orgasms were mad intense. He told me to flip over and carried on. It was weird getting so much foreplay.
Then he stopped, stood and undid his trousers. I looked on nervously. He told me to 'Come here.' I sucked his cock for a few seconds before he pushed me backwards onto my back.
I wasn't wet enough to get fucked, but he knelt over me naked.
'Lube!' I begged.
'What?,' He taunted. 'I'm not going in you!'
But of course he pushed into me. Fucked me hard. Legs pushed apart, up on his neck, around his back. He came but didn't tell me. I resent when he does that, but sex is about him.
This morning I wanted to fuck before I left. I didn't think he'd want to fuck in his mothers bed where we were sleeping, but he did. It was weirdly kinky to me. I slicked lube onto him and rode him. He felt rockhard. I snuck peeps in the mirrored wardrobes. Such a voyeur.
He didn't seem that 'into' it though, but he said he was tired. Bah.

Stitches

2008-06-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

Bear had a fall and had seven stitches in his head. He needed me around to look after him so obviously I dropped everything.
Getting later in the evening, I knew I was getting horny but wasn't sure if sex was a good idea.
'You coming up?' Bear asked.
I lay on his bed as he used the toilet. I didn't change into pyjamas. He lay down next to me, pulled my waistband forward and studied my underwear.
'Don't do that, its rude' I laughed.
'So what? Stand up whilst I take your pants off. Come closer, that's not a problem is it?'
He undressed me and pulled out the cane.
'You mentioned this..' He said. I bit my lip. 'Bend over.'
I leaned over the bedside table as he hit me over my underwear. It stung so much, and I couldn't take much. I asked to lie down and he agreed, but I said I couldn't take any more.
I felt disappointed with myself, but he added I wouldn't be able to take much right away. I hope he will train me up in pain.
I was lay on my stomach and he removed my underwear, sticking a finger inside my cunt. I was writhing, and he used another to massage the outside of my arsehole. I pulled away from that, I was too unsure.
Eventually I asked him to sit on the bed, leaning up against the headboard.
I stripped to just my bra, and stripped him naked, giving him a slow blowjob. It sounded like he particularly enjoyed it. Eventually, he told me to get on his cock. Bear has mirrored wardrobes at his house, so it was fun to look over and see me riding him. I wanted to stop and film it, but obviously didn't want to stop!
I rode him quite powerfully, and he came inside me.

Two Weeks Later

2008-06-19T09:20:00.001-07:00

Two weeks since I last fucked him, so I was relieved.
I had it in my head that I was going to blow him then crawl into his lap. He wasn't having any of it.
I stripped him naked, me to my underwear and blew him as I knelt on the floor and he sat at the edge of my bed. He would pull out to suck my nipples, bite my neck,take my underwear off and put his fingers in my cunt. But then straight back onto his cock. It felt good kissing him.
He pulled me up by my hair and pushed me onto the bed, forcing his way in. It felt insane, the head of his cock teasing the entrance to my cunt. He fucked me roughly, making me shake.
'Can I get lube please?' I asked.
He looked like he was thinking about it. 'I want to hear you beg more.'
I bit my lip as he fucked me. 'Please, please please let me get lube!'
I reached for it and lubed him up, then he was straight back inside me, holding my legs open and plunging. Eventually he said, 'Get on top.'
I rode him to multiple climaxes, hard. 'How do you want to come?' I asked.
'All over you..And I want you to lick it up.'
'What do you want?'
'Keep riding it..'
But eventually I asked him to stand whilst I lay on the bed and he fucked me that way. Eventually he said he was going to come, so pulled out and came on my stomach.
I sucked the come off his cock and wiped myself down with my hand, sucking it off my fingers. He looked impressed with that.
Later I was resting my leg on his inner thigh and craftily started blowing him. It was lovely, soft and wet and slow with him fucking my throat..He started to fuck my asshole with his fingers and so sex and then anal danced before my eyes, but he told me he was going to come.
'No...' I said.
'I can't hold..'
So I swallowed everything he pumped down my throat.
Stupid high drive..I wanted him later and tried to suck him, but he wasn't having any of it.
Wish I didn't want him so much.

Making Love

2008-06-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

I hate that Bear's work prevents me from seeing him often.
When the sex came up..He told me to stand before him and undressed me slowly..Longingly..He makes a very 'wanting' noise that deeply turns me on.
He got onto his knees as he pushed me onto the bed to give me soft oral..I could hear him removing his jeans and when he stood I was met with a huge erection. He fucked me, him standing me lying down, and then me on top. I told him how amazing he looks naked, how beautiful he is. I love to watch him come.
But..I have made love. I have never really done this before. I've fucked and I've had sex..I've had slow sex with an ex but it felt so..Staged.
Bear slid liquid on top of me and was gently inside me. He looked at me in a way that something really special was happening..That *I* was special..Kissed my face and my neck gently, nuzzled his face into mine as we breathed together. Held each other. We kept slowly moving together for a long time..It was so, so special and beautiful. I felt so deeply in love. I'm suprised I was so moved, I've always been of the 'let's fuck!' school.
This morning we fucked from behind and him on top..Trying to hold onto his orgasm..He is so, thoroughly amazing.
My 'drive' is becoming a bit of an issue though. I want to fuck him constantly and obviously, he can't. Not so soon after, anyway. I constantly want him.

Upsidedown

2008-05-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

We were having a conversation about truth. He was naked, I was fully dressed.
"I would prefer for you to be honest with me about everything, even if I hated what you were doing" I said.
"Alright," He said. "Well can I be honest with you right now? I want you to sit on my face."
I giggled and said no. He told me he wanted to see my arse in the thong I was wearing (I rarely wear thongs.) he told me to suck his cock and bend right over him so he could see my arse. I sucked, and he was trying to lick my arsehole. I giggled and pulled away from him, setting myself between his legs.
"I want you to get on it and just ride me until I come..take these off" He said, indicating my underwear. I continued to suck whilst I struggled with my clothes, then sank down on top of him.
"Oh, you're wet.." He smiled.
We fucked like that for a while until he told me he wanted me to sit on his face. He wanted me to squirt on his face again. I couldn't sit on his face comfortably, so I pulled off him and sat at the edge of the bed with my legs akimbo and told him to come get me that way. I squirted all over his face and asked him why he liked it.
"Because I know you like it too.." He smiled. He was basically fucking me upside down..My legs were pulled up over his shoulders and he was 'aiming' down, half my body off the bed. I almost wanted to put my palms on the floor!
I asked him where he wanted to come. "All over you.." He smiled. My EXACT thought. And he did.
This morning we were arguing somewhat, and what eases tension? I stroked his cock, listened to his sounds as he enjoyed it. Then I was sucking it. He told me to get on his dick.
"Lube..." I protested.
He pushed my head down on his cock. "There's your lube." He snarled. Rough fingers on my cunt. I wasn't getting wet. He told me to get on. Wouldn't have it that I wanted lube.
He felt amazing, so hard..I rode him, pinning his arms. Out came the switch me.
"Do you like that?" I grinned. He continued to groan. I grabbed his neck. "Tell me you like it!"
He grinned. "I do."
I got an urge to slap him (now regretted!) and with permission, did. It was hot at the time, for an odd reason. I do not know why.
He came calling my name. I think he's used to me loving it.

Amazing

2008-05-23T01:49:00.001-07:00

Had some of the most amazing sex of my life last night.
We were at a friends' bands gig, and Bear started off stroking my hair, which I LOVE. I gave little shivers of delight. Next he trailed down my stomach and put a hand in my underwear-all in the club with my best friend sat next to me. Stroking and rubbing my pubic bone the way I do when I wank. I was shivering. His eager fingers slid lower and my wetness flowed onto his fingers. I put my handbag over my crotch but am pretty sure my friend knew what we were up to! I was so close the whole time, but then we had to leave to go home.
We were staying at said friends, and could have hung out talking but I wanted to fuck Bear. We ran upstairs. He went to the toilet and I got undressed to my underwear, my panties still very wet. He came back, undressed to his boxers and slid into bed.
He leant over me and we started to make out-gorgeous. I still don't think we kiss enough during sex (and hearing 'I love you' during has become a huge turnon, for some reason..)
I commented, "You taste like biscuits." (Ha had been eating them) giggled, "Was that hot?"
"Not particularly. But I want to lick your cunt-is that?"
I gasped and nodded. "No objections then?" He grinned, sliding down my body. He drew my underwear aside but didn't take it off, and full on stuck his tongue inside my cunt, for what it felt like. He alternated hard licks of my cunt with nibbling my nipples-he'd pulled the cups down from my breasts but not removed the bra from my body. I tried, and he sharply told me to "Leave it." I groaned that he was so sexy.
I was trying to wriggle away from my underwear alongside riding his face. He looked up.
"No..I want you to be dripping wet before I even THINK about putting it in, do you understand that?"
But I was. And he slowly took off his boxers and knelt up, slowly stroking himself. THAT was too much. Hot. I tried to touch myself but he removed my hand and carried on stroking himself. I whined.
Eventually he sloooowly slid inside me-he felt so rock hard. My underwear was still on the top of my thighs, which was frustrating, but Bear was obviously trapping me.
"Does my dick feel good?" He crooned.
I wrapped my legs all around him but when I get to the point of full-on squirting, I have to push him away. I did, and he placed his face in front of my stream. I felt REALLY bad, but couldn't exactly stop.
He came up coated in my liquids, even dripping from his hair. He pushed back inside me and the occasional drop landed on me. I was so, so close. I tried to tug on his pelvis.
He laughed at me. "You want me to go faster, don't you? And fuck you hard. Well no, not yet.."
Frustrating, SUCH a tease. But the slow pulling out and sliding in-his entire shaft-felt amazing.
"Tell me when you're gonna squirt again okay..I want it in my face again, I know you liked it.."
I gasped. "I don't think I will again, I've lost too much.."
He increased the pressure on my cunt and suddenly I changed my mind. I came over his face again.
He began to lean back slightly so I sat up. He pulled off my underwear. We tried different varities of me on top, like the both of us in a sort of crab position, thrusting forward. Then I was on top in the traditional sense, pinning his arms. He grinned and told me my cunt felt good. Then he said he wanted to bend me over and spank me. I was worried about my friends in the next room but I suppose we were already making so much noise.
I bent over the bed and he slapped me, then slid into me. God, it was amazing. My orgasms were weakening my knees and after two more I flipped over so he was fucking me missionary again.
"I want you to come in my mouth" I told him.
"Just where I want to come.." He smiled.
He fucked me..I told him he was fucking me raw, he was with-holding so well..I was losing too much wetness but he wouldn't let me get any lube.
"Do you wanna swallow my come?"
"Yeah I want your come in my throat like a dirty bitch!" (See how I get caught up in the moment?)
"Come here" He grabbed my hair and pulled me forward, wanking into my mouth. But after a few minutes it was clear he wasn't coming.
"You're ages off!" I giggled. "You're tired, do you wanna lie down and I'll suck your dick?"
He lay and I sucked him for a while.
"I wanna lick your ass. Get into the position." He said. So clear about what he wants!
We got into the '69' position and He lapped away whilst I attended to his cock. He put a finger to my asshole-he'd actually been doing this all through sex, and I'd been whining and pulling away. He'd humoured me at first, but now his finger slipped in. Amazing. I lost all worry. After a while of him alternating finger and tongue on my arse I said "I want your dick in my arse."
"You want me to fuck this?" He asked and told me to get the condom from his wallet. "Put it on," He said. "I'm making sure you're lubed."
He lapped away..I was worried about not using actual lube, but I suppose I'd been 'loosened' somewhat by the fingerfucking.
It took a while to slide in, but GOD I forget how fucking amazing anal is. I was making really animalistic sounds.
"Do you wanna come in my arse now?" I asked.
He said yes and continued to fuck me..Rougher than you should an arse relatively un-used to anal, but GOD, hotness.
I was coming freely and easily as I usually do from anal. He told me he was going to come and I asked him to say my name.
Really, really delicious. Experimental and he did EVERYTHING right. Mmmm.

I Hate Not Seeing Him

2008-05-19T05:16:00.000-07:00

It was seven or eight days since I'd seen Bear, because he was back home and I wasn't. I got back Saturday.
When I went round..He looked beautiful, well worth the wait. Kissing him just..does things to my genitals.
I pulled off his top and bit at his nipples whilst I took his pants off, then slid down to suck his cock. I missed it. I told him I missed his moans.
"Enough," He said. "I wanna fuck you now."
He undressed me and I lay on my back. God, it was delicious. I said, "Did you miss fucking me?"
"I missed everything about you.."
He came inside me, stayed inside and continued, coming again later. Amazing.
Later I fucked him with me on top. God, I love him.
A brief update, but all the same..

Japanese Rope Bondage

2008-05-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

Guess what? We ended up getting a cane.
There's a sexshop around the corner from me I wanted to take him to..He ended up buying us some japanese rope bondage stuff and a cane attatched to a leather handle. It's bamboo and it looks painful. There WAS a proper 'cane' but he said he'd snap it and it wasn't as smooth..I do not want splinters in my arse. I got hold of some seamed tights. Seams are the yum.
After eating I decided I wanted to try on the latex stockings I bought the other week. I've never worn latex before, just pvc. They were difficult to get on, like putting my leg in a condom. There was an airbubble in the foot so I had to start again, and got talc all over the floor. *Sigh*
When I finally got them on, they fitted in the calves but were baggy on the thighs, like waders. Disappointing. I need a suspender belt. MORE money. Still, they look great with fetish shoes and beautiful all shined up.
I was sat in my girlboxers getting them on, though. Bear growled at me and took out his cock, rubbing against my crotch. I just wanted to try them on before anything sexual.
'Wait..' I said, offhand.
He pushed me over to slap my arse but I spun round to avoid it. He grabbed my face.
'Wait for what?' He asked.
I just looked at him. He slapped me.
'I asked you a question, AND you don't avoid it when I want to slap you.'
'Nothing..' I wailed.
He pulled my hair and snapped at me to get them on. But putting them on, he seemed to calm.
He is quite sadistic with that cane, though. I knew he would be. I already hate it. He just tells me it 'doesn't hurt'. I said to let me hit him with it, and he laughed and said he wasn't stupid.
Later, we were innocently just trying the various knots we could do with the japanese rope (it has clever adjustable restraints, too, quite handy.) and having myself in his hands was getting me quite excited.
I ended up my back to the wall, rope under my parted knees, cuffs cuffing my hands far apart. I couldn't really move. Bear bit his lip and started to stroke his cock looking at me. I whined.
I was really turned on but I wasn't getting wet. He was trying to force it into me but mercifully eventually got lube. I couldn't move well, and he was fucking me, pulling at the ropes to make it tighter. He stopped and told me it was time for the handcuffs. I wondered where, but when he snapped them on me I was even more unable to move-he'd intertwined them in the rope, basically. I was screwed.
'I am going to do something now, and you better enjoy it, or I won't be happy.'
He blindfolded me and I whined. I hate being blindfolded because I can't see Bear and obviously I love looking at him. That and I have no clue whats coming to me.
He mocked me. 'What, you want me to take all this off you?'
'I trust you..' I panted.
I could hear him scrabbling around in my drawer and tensed. Then there was something hard against the entrance of my cunt. He turned it on-my vibrator.
I was wide open and getting dripping wet against it but he wouldn't penetrate me with it. I needed it deep inside me. I tried to struggle against it.
This obviously excited him and he stuck his cock back inside me. I felt the vibe against my face and laughed-but he put it into my mouth. I hated my taste. He probably liked seeing me suck a cock. It stopped.
He felt amazing. I was whining, He was relentless, not coming.
'You're making my cock very happy. You know I'm going to come on your cunt, don't you? I'm gonna come all over your dirty little hole.'
I whined. He'd never come ON my cunt before but I'd fantasised. He didn't come for a while though. I was exhausted, willing him to. Eventually he pulled out and covered it.
A few minutes later I was stood up talking to him.
'Stare at my cock!' He barked.
I was taken aback but did it for a few seconds before my eyes trailed to his face. He indicated with a nod to carry on. After about a minute, 'Lick it.'
I got on my knees and lapped, thinking niavely that he wouldn't become hard. He was 'mmmming' and telling me about the sensation. I didn't dare take him into my mouth or touch his side, as I normally would. He scolded me for having my HAND on it. He was getting hard.
'Balls' he ordered. 'You may nibble but not a lot.'
After a few minutes of that, 'I'm bored. Suck my cock.' I began. 'Slowly!' He snapped.
It was delicious. He told me he wanted to come in my mouth. I moaned.
'Do you like sucking my cock? Licking my balls? Do you WANT me to come in your mouth?'-Not questions for my pleasure, reminding me of my whore-ness.
He then decided he'd come on my face, which I love. He stroked himself looking at me, then as he was coming, forced my head back until I thought it would surely snap off. He wiped it on my cheeks, lips, forehead, and snapped at me to get cleaned up.
After those two times, I was feeling really vunerable, which never happens to me. I felt really weak and in need of affection. He said it was because I knew he could take care of me. I gripped onto him all I could.
Today he was carrying the cane and mocked my walking. 'Come on, quick steps!' He said, wafting it at me.
'I'm not your pony..' I said.
'You WILL be.' He smiled, referring to my curiousity at ponyplay. (At least the tail buttplugs!)
And later called me his dirty little slut. *Sigh*

Watersports

2008-04-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a big talk. Again.
The comments he made about women online hurt me, but he made the point, 'X, *I* linked you to that website, why would I if I felt it was wrong?'
So we discussed comprimise and he said he won't again. So we'll see. I, meanwhile, feel better. As much as I need verbal deprivation, verbal humiliation, I also like to hear that he loves me, which he says often now without prompt.
Last night I was detirmined not to give him sex, just feeling a little 'off' about my body, seeing that he'd complimented others, etc. But we began to play strip scrabble, I was in my underwear and he was fully dressed, clearly winning. It frustrated me so he let me stop.
But all his suggestions and touching made me aroused. As he said to me when I whined that I was detirmined not to give him any sex, 'If I want it enough X, I'll persist.'
I told him I was thinking about sucking his cock, and did.
Then we made out, hard, his hand in my hair, holding onto a clump, wrapped around his fingers. He pulled it for nothing, pulled my head back to bite my neck, pushed my head down onto his cock. Pushing my head up and down. I was gagging. I tried to get onto his cock.
'Do you want it inside you?'
I nodded.
'Suck my cock until I say you can get on it. Put my cock to the back of your throat until I say.'
I was feeling a bit naseous that night however, and I tried to keep it in back but felt like I was going to vomit. He told me to get on it. He was solid.
'You know, you're LUCKY I even let you on this cock. You're unworthy, you're nothing. That's right, my cock feels good, doesn't it? God, why haven't you made me come yet? Try harder. You piece of shit, you slut.'
Constant snarling. He'd never called me a 'piece of shit' before. I came over his dick, and he told me to go down and lick it up. I hate my taste.
When he allowed me to come back, he told me to make sure he comes this time.
'You know I'm only fucking you to come, don't you? I don't give a shit about your enjoyment.'
I was coming hard from all the degredation, and he eventually came but didn't tell me. I knew when he said 'Okay, you can kiss me now.' (He dislikes when I try to kiss him during his more 'dominant' times a lot, and I was told off for trying during this session.)
And later, before we showered, he pissed on me for the first time. He's only ever pissed in my mouth. I LOVED it.
I sat in the shower and he just let rip. It bounced off my chest and hit my face, my hair..It just felt so ultimately humiliating.
It's not something I thought I WOULD have enjoyed, but I did, thoroughly.
This morning we fucked again and I love how he just seems to sense where to put his dick to make it feel amazing. Hammering my gspot.
'I think you should come on me..'
'Me too.'

More Of The Same

2008-04-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

Sigh.
Yesterday, I crawled on top of him, and it was short, because I have never wanted him to come more than I did yesterday. I just wanted to make him come, see it in his face. And he did.
Then, we had another row about trust issues. But then we went to a party.
There was a couple there joking about how the male should be kept on a leash, and Bear and I looked at each other, knowing we HAVE a leash.
But. More of the same. He's just..kept commenting on girls and it's not something I want, not when I've put this much into it.
I just don't know if I can be arsed with this hurt anymore.

Schoolgirl

2008-04-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

I asked him, 'Should I put my uniform on and entertain you for a bit now?'
He said he wasn't in a really sexual mood. God, the monster reared its head again-why didn't he want me? Christ. I sulked a little, and he said to give him ten minutes. I said no, he'd rejected me now and it felt shit (I know, I know it's bratty.) he turned on the flirting and trapped me underneath him and just..slowly made out with me. For ages. We rarely kiss like that, so it was damn erotic.
He told me to put it on, and after a little hesitance, I went to change-white lacetop holdup stockings, my huge black fetish shoes, little checked blue skirt, tight white shirt, red bra, black crotchless underwear.
When he looked at me, he bit his lip. He didn't know where to look. I knew it was his fantasy come true, and he'd felt guilty about it for a while. (I've done it before for my ex, I think its pretty common!) He said he couldnt believe it was happening. I dropped to my knees and sucked him, looking up at him through layers of mascara. He was all, 'I really want to come.' I felt really sexy. I liked the uniform.
I said, 'No, there is a carefully laid out plan.'
I unbuttoned my shirt, removed my bra, put my open shirt back on, poured lube all over his upstanding cock and onto my tits, leaned forward and yes..titwanked him. He was pretty much in Heaven.
He kept saying how he wanted to fuck me. 'How do you want it?' I asked innocently.
He had me on my back..He didn't know where to look, told me how good I looked at regular intervals. Good stuff.
When he'd came, he said he wanted to go again, and WAS hard right away. He told me I was really dirty. I was whining..He slammed me really hard.
When it was all over, I said I wanted to wank, and reached for my vibe. He stuck two fingers out to me. 'Use these', he said.
It was hot 'using' him as a vibe. He still looked really turned on, and said he wished he could get hard. He said he loved being used for me to get off. I tried sucking his cock whilst I wanked with my vibe but no dice.
When we were getting ready to go out, he had all the names for me..Slutbitchwhore, and called me a filthy little fuck. Mmm.
Today I told him I wanted more marks on my tits..I have little yellow fingerbruises that look good, but I love having them slapped around. He grinned and sucked and scratched. No marks thus far, though.
Today we bought black vinyl sheets, one for here and one for at his house..so the beds stay dry. He was going to buy me a maids dress but no joy sizewise. Blast.
He did however buy me a new (softer) vibe (nice to have something that works!), new silky lube, toy cleaner wipes and batteries.
He didn't fuck me before he left for home, though. He said he has uni work to do, but Gawd.

Sexual Excess

2008-04-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

I have had lots of sex the past few days.
It began Friday, Bear came over drunk at about 2AM. I was unshaved in all places, had no makeup on and pyjamas. He commented how he preferred me sans makeup. He was calling me a 'dirty little bitch' and we ended up fucking with him on top. I am suprised that he lasted as long as he did. Excellent.
On Saturday we fucked in the shower..I love doing this. Thinking about it now makes my pussy pulsate. Later I gave him a blowjob until he came. It is like an ego thing for me..Proving I CAN do it, I CAN give him pleasure without wanting anything in return, and I CAN make him come with my mouth. Plus he tastes good and I like the sensation of his come filling my mouth, and his fighting for breath and 'I'm gonna come..' I requested oral later.
The 'teasing session' started with pretty innocent spanking with the belt..joke spanking..then he got all involved with his hand, spanking me with his bare palm, delicious..He'd occasionally press my arsehole and I opened my legs slyly, hoping he'd put his fingers inside me. I was wet from a previous fingerfucking and wanted more. He'd tease me, but not enter me. He spanked fuck out of me.
He dipped into my drawer of delights and cuffed and collared me. He bit my nipples, breathed on my cunt, looked at me.
'I don't think you deserve this, do you?'
'No, Master.'
'So, why should I?'
I whimpered, panicked.
'I..I don't know..'
'Well, you have ten seconds to think about it.'
'Because..Because you know I'd make it up for you?' I made a stab at it.
'You will anyway. What else?'
'I'll do things I said I wouldnt..' I immediately regretted saying this..I just wanted his tongue on my cunt asap.
'Oh really? What things?'
'Anything you want..'
'Well. Alright, if you don't make a single noise. Then I'll stop. And keep your cuffs above your head.'
The cuffs dug into my wrists..This happened last time. Painful. Bear requested me to tell them when they hurt when he was putting them on..then clicked them tighter.
His sturdy tongue worked magic between my legs and I tried to keep the noise instead.
'I can't do this..' I whined.
'Fine.' He said. Mercifully forgiving.
'Can I take the collar off, it's too loose..' I whined.
'Suck it up' He spat.
Made me come, but wouldn't let my legs collapse onto his head. Pulled them apart.
We went to Ann Summers (British highstreet sexshop) later..He got me a ballgag (Yay! Except it doesn't fit. My head is too small. He is going to fix it.) And some fetish magazines to look at (Big mistake..Very 80s, very strange.) I got stockings..Black fishnet holdups and black sheer holdups with big satin bows. I am enchanted by stockings! I tried the fishnets on later and Bear was very turned on..Collared and leashed me, bent me over the sink and fucked the shit outta me..And later took photos, coupled with my fetish shoes.
Sunday we went to his house and I sucked his dick. I have been getting a LOT more confident with dirty talk. I asked him what he liked about when I sucked his cock. He was telling me, and I was all 'Really?' playfully. I told him I liked hearing him say 'cock'.
We'd bought a tiny disposable cockring with a little vibrator on with 20 minutes worth of vibration..So I slipped it on and straddled him. He said it was nice on his balls, did it feel good. I told him about how it felt on my clit.
I wanted him on top..We fucked for a while and I asked that he say my name when he came. Delicious.
Later, we talked about porn..He confessed that he likes the whole schoolgirl thing but felt pretty silly about it. I have bought a white shirt and black crotchless underwear (he likes crotchless underwear) and some white stockings, I have to get a blac, shirt skirt. Needless to say, he's in for a treat. I like Bear's liking of dressing up. I just wish I had more money! He also confessed he likes waterbondage porn. We watched some of it..And some of it featured electric shocks on the cunts of the girls..I said it was a bit extreme for me.
We watched Training Of O videos for a while. I LOVED it. Full of 'Please make me behave..' and other such sexy shit. The Masters were so brutal. He told me I have to ask to come, and if I am asked my relationship status, to say 'owned'.
I asked would he give me a beating with his hands in the future. He straddled my chest and put his cock into my mouth. He mouthfucked me brutally, I loved gagging on it. He fingered my cunt at the same time..I was so wet. Fucked me and fucked me..I asked to get fucked from behind. I was loving it. I was about to ask him to call me a slut before I came, but I felt him pull out..I thought he was going to force it into my ass, but he was coming directly onto my asshole.
Later, he let me lick his arsehole. He asked why I liked it. I said, 'It feels dirty.'
And today I wanted to make him come before I left. He said he was going to wank into my mouth. He did for a while, then wanted me to suck it, then pushed my head down to his balls.
'I love when you come into my mouth' I told him. (See? Braver!)
'Really?'
'Yeah, you taste good..'
That made him moan. And I swallowed and it was amazing. I felt so useful.
Gosh, that was long.

2008-04-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

I am aware that this is becoming more of a sexual record than a BDSM blog. I hope it still tililates. I like to have a sexual record.
Bear is so amazing at oral sex. He said 'I'm hungry..Can I go down on you?'
He likes to spit directly onto my cunt..Not for more lubrication, just with a look of contempt. It makes me come. At one point I was pushing his head down..Until I thought 'What am I doing?!'..He didn't say anything, though.
I was so turned on when he came back up that my hand went to my cunt. He smiled and in a gorgeous growly voice, "Come for me. I want to watch. Don't you want to come for me?" Needless to say, it came quickly. Especially when he called me his property.
Before we went to get food, we had some AMAZING sex after I sucked his cock (He asked me to lapdance but I cant pluck up the courage)..I was on top of him, he was sat up, and he bounced me up and down in his strong arms..Lifting me right up and pushing me back down onto his cock. That got quite loud.
He has also started counting when I don't do a command fast enough. Threateningly.."3...2...1".
He slapped my cheek this morning. *Swoon* and has been continuing the rough nipple play. He fucked me today wearing nothing but a white trilby-style hat I love. Ha.

Reconciliation

2008-04-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was brilliant. He stripped, and told me to stand so he could strip me, then sit on his cock. (I asked could we have more foreplay so I am wetter but he said no. He likes to force it in. I just get wetter later anyway. And it DOES feel like losing my virginity. But good.)
We were accidently angled in front of his full-length mirror. I felt sexier. I am not in love with my body by any means, but I stretched over him, catlike, and was able to position myself in ways he liked. He saw that I was looking and told me to bend over.
He took his place behind me and I was able to see him fucking me. Powerful. Amazing. And to see how exciting he gets ME too, to see me moaning..He pushed me forward so I could see him fucking me better.
He pulled me onto my back and drew my legs up around him. God, he was in so deep. It felt so different, I was constantly hovering on the edge. My noises were urgent, high in my throat, high and raw. He dripped with sweat onto my face and body. He cried out my name when he came which just made it all the fucking hotter.
And then later I rode him and we fucked from behind again.
I've just had my cunt waxed..I usually shave and it is beautifully smooth. I wanted oral..to feel the 'new' skin but of course I didn't want to ask for it. But at some stage Bear dived between my legs and made me come with his tongue. I was worried about him licking his own semen but he carried on regardless. Amazing.
He went on the computer but I was still horny..I was wanking and he came over and ordered me to do it in front of him. I said no.
I said I have taken off my wristband.
He said 'You'd better be wearing it when you come round.' (I didn't, and nothing was said, but it is going back on.)
So, he ordered I masturbate. I said no. He forced my legs apart and placed my hand on my cunt. I did nothing. I turned my head away. My heart raced.
He grabbed my neck and squeezed. I gasped. He hasn't strangled me since last year. I looked at him defiantly. He slapped my cheek with the back of his hand. I squirted wetness.
'Look at you, you still enjoy it' He sneered.
I continued to stare at him. He squeezed my neck harder. Tugged my nipples harder than he ever has. Gripped my breasts achingly hard. Raked nails down my thighs.
I still didn't masturbate.
He flicked my cunt. It hurt. I struggled, and kicked out at him. Finally, he stormed off. I felt shamed.
We talked about it later. 'I'll do whatever you want..' I said, almost sobbing.
He told me he didn't know he was into it until we started. He didn't mean to call it stupid. He frequently talked about slapping the back of my legs with his belt.
'It's your arse when you're good,' He said (though I now hate the belt) 'And your legs when you're bad.'
'You like hurting me, don't you?'
He said yes.

Noisy

2008-04-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

I gave Bear some presents yesterday-a big box of white chocolate and aftershave amongst them-and he dived between my legs as a thankyou. Then he told me to bend over..But he had his belt folded in his hand..I argued, but he was adamant. I waited, trembling for the blow on my backside but he trailed fingers over my wet cunt instead.
I crawled onto his lap for sex..I love being able to hold him close, it just makes me feel really bonded. He picked me up when he'd had his fill, laid me on my back, pushed back my knees and made me watch him fuck me, then pulled out to come over my stomach.
Today he said I should pay close attention to his balls-I lapped at them and dragged my teeth over them, which he was loving. He asked me where the powder was (we bought some read candy powder that tingles when you lick it..) and I sprinkled it over his balls. Licking it, he shuddered. I like experimenting with what he likes. I ran my wet palm over the head of his cock today but he said it was too much. He won't let me lick his arsehole though..Despite him doing it to me. I am curious!
When it was my turn he sprinkled it over my breasts and licked it up my neck, biting my nipples. I was getting wet with him leaning over me..It was total relief when he finally slid it in.
I unfortunately screamed 'FUCK ME!'..I feel so sorry for my housemates sometimes!

Belonging.

2008-03-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

Bear &I went on a date today. We haven't seen each other in ages, so.
He has uni tomorrow, so I didn't know if the date would end up with fucking, but I shaved my cunt and wore matching underwear anyway.
The night was kinda flirty, and like a 'real' date, I was dying to kiss him. He would occasionally (in the STREET) reach over and grab my tits or ass, and at one point I said 'Would you stop grabbing me?'
He replied 'Why? I own you, I can touch you whenever I want.'
I shuddered and he said 'You belong to me..'
I suggested we go to my flat and when in my room, I was ready to get him a drink, as he usually wants one, but he began stripping off. I asked him why and he said 'I'm getting ready to fuck you..'
I lay back on the bed, fully clothed whilst he lay gorgeously naked over me. Huge erection. Kissing my neck, undressing me. Didn't take my bra off, just pulled the cups to display my nipples so he could suck them.
Forced his dick into me..So intense, it felt like I was losing my virginity. He was in me so deep, I was howling. He put his mouth to my ear so I could hear his gasps-he knows I love his noises.
But mid-fuck he hissed, 'Who do you belong to?'
'You' I whined.
'WHAT?' He spat.
'You, Master!' I panted.
It was amazing, I felt so bonded to him..Doing all the wonderful things I love..Re-inforcing that he owns me, fucking me deep.
We have our most amazing kisses when we fuck..At one point, he stuck the tip of his tongue in my mouth..It made me gasp and I think he liked that reaction. He's an amazing kisser, his sex (and the anticipation of it) makes me shiver.
When it was over (and I love watching him come) he ordered me to stay naked, and I sat on his knee whilst his eyes roamed over me. He pulled on my nipple too..really winding me up. I wished he could have managed an erection again so I could suck on it.
And now he is gone..I can't wait to see him again Tuesday.

MyName

2008-03-27T09:48:00.001-07:00

Bear stayed for a couple of days. This is the sexual stuff I remember from the three days.
The first I remember, I was lying on the floor for some reason and he seduced me with his words. I was being coy, and he was being flirty.
When we were upstairs, there was lots of yummy headpushing on his cock, and fucking.
Later on, I lubed up his cock and wrapped pearls all around it. He loved getting stroked this way..He was supposed to come on my tits, but it ended up on my stomach. He was sleepy, but promised to hit me with the belt the next day.
&He delivered, obviously. I no longer enjoy the belt..It hurts WAY too much. Which is why he'll probably start to work it into punishments. He was pushing fingers up into my arse too, and was askingandasking to lick it. I had been bratty about getting oral sex too (bad me.) so I let him lick my arsehole (it is so strange..but good..but I won't admit it) then he told me to go up on his face.
I rode him for AGES yesterday. Usually I get really tired but he wouldn't let me offhim..So I grabbed the top bar of my headboard (that's the good thing about being home..A headboard!) and just fucking went for it. I think he was holding it back..I was getting so tired. But when he was coming (He always warns me) I said-not even thinking about it, just came out-'Call me a whore, call me a whore!'
He said, 'You're a whore, you're a fucking dirty bitch!'
Mmmm. It turned me on SO much that when we were done lying naked like 'phewww', I had to masturbate a few times just over those words. I want namecalling more. MUCH more.
He also gave me oral this morning. But nothing comes for free and he forced my head down on his cock. I was at his side and it was awkward for me..I always crawl between his legs to suck him, and when I tried to climb between his legs he threw me on my back. I whined.
He opened my legs and plunged inside..He makes me come so fast, so intensely..It was gorgeous, and when he was coming my mouth of no accord said again 'Callmeawhorecallmeawhore'
And then I thought 'arg, stupid.' But he didn't seem to hear me-He just groaned
'Oh God, (myname)'
Jesus, I love when he calls my name when he comes.

Intimate

2008-03-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

I am, as I may have mentioned, home from uni for a few weeks. So is Bear. So I'm staying at my parents.
And like the naughty teenagers we're not, we fucked on my parents couch!
I have no idea why, I just always wanted to. It's brown leather and I can't look at a chair without thinking about the possibilities of how to have sex on it.
Bear was in a sort of distant mood when he first arrived, but sitting at his feet I asked could I suck on him. He had quite the erection.
I convinced him to move to the other couch, stripped to my bra and straddled him. We fucked with the curtains open, I was able to bounce better, grip the back of the couch and drag my tits over his face as I rode him.
I'm more comfortable fucking in a bra-I have small tits but a bra pushes them together and gives a lot more support ;]
When I was tired I pulled him onto me and held him deep inside me with my legs. Soon he said he was going to come. I begged him not to, but like he was going to listen!
What was really lovely was we stayed with him lying over me for a few moments, me holding him inside me, stroking his hair and face and just smiling at each other. Really cute.
Later we fucked with me bent over the sofas arm-I may have mentioned it more than twice but I LOVE getting it from behind. And Bear just gets better, knowing where in my cunt to hit.
Then of course he made me crawl around the living room floor naked for a while, occasionally spanking me before he'd allow me to get dressed.
I always feel a little pathetic before I get my period (I should soon) so clambering onto his lap I said 'Do you mind being my Master?'
'No, I enjoy it.'
'I know you only do some stuff because I ask though, I feel guilty..'
'Don't, you do stuff for me. And no-one's been interested in what turns me on before, anyway.'
'I don't really know what turns you on, I don't know if I'm pleasing you.'
'Just blowjobs whenever I want, anything we do as long as I'm having fun.'
Then he confided he likes the idea of drowning without being able to do anything about it, and I suggested I could cuff him and dunk his head in the bath, or something. But he backtracked and said it was stupid. I was disappointed, because he clearly closed the subject.
Later, he remembered he'd brought the new cock ring, which he dislikes. It IS a very bad design, skin and hair get caught in it. He put it on, adjusted it and told me to get to work. I sucked, and after a while he was hard-his veins pratically glowing, and his erection very red. It was a bit worrying. And it started going down. We decided the cockring was basically bad. Disappointing.
He did something very un-Bear..He fucked me very slowly and gently..Deep, but slow and gentle. He put his massive hand over my mouth and nose when I whined (my parents were downstairs at the time) and fighting for breath made me come harder. Despite me hating anything lovemaking-shaped, it was lovely being able to stroke his hair and look at him..God I LOVE watching him come, his face is so beautiful, like he can't believe it..
Then again I got all pathetic..'Do you want to be with me for a long time? Are you serious about me?'
We asked each other intimate questions, it made me feel very bonded. He slept next to me though he's not really supposed to here (house rules.)
This morning I awoke his sleepy cock with a rub and he told me to bend over. It was AMAZING, stopped himself from coming over and over until I'd came so many times it was hurting and I was a whiny, pathetic trembling wreck on the bed. Made me feel very controlled. Allowed me to grind back on his cock.
After a shower, because he hadn't come, I pulled him on top of me. He announced he was going to come on me, amused that he was going to mess up my cleanliness. Pushed back my knees so I could see his cock slide in and out of me, and as I was roaring in orgasm, pulled out and came all over my body..A big spurt actually landed in my mouth! ;]

Piss-Drinking &Punishments

2008-03-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

Bear had recently said to me, 'I'm not doing mediocre punishments anymore.'
I said, 'Mediocre? I HATED going to my corner.' He shrugged. He looked bored. He's made life a lot stricter of late. But I guess it's what I need.
I sometimes hit him in jest, but at various interludes last night he was counting off punishments. 'That's four' he'd say. I'd whimper.
In the taxi back from our night out he whispered to me that he was going to piss in my mouth. I nodded. I followed him into the bathroom, and placed my mouth over his cock. It became instantly hard. He cursed it and told me to wait. I closed my eyes.
Soon a warm stream was filling my mouth. It didn't taste of anything-just warm water (I think it is Bear's quite healthy diet)-I was pleasantly suprised and gulped down his stream. He told me he didn't find it bad.
When we retired to the bedroom I sat on the edge of the bed to remove my shoes. He had other ideas-grabbing a hank of hair and pressing me forcibly to his cock. He thrusted up into my throat as I sucked, holding my face. I could only think about how I wanted to remove my shoes. I was dreading what Bear had in store.
He threw me backwards and pulled my underwear down from underneath my dress. He stooped briefly to tongue my clit, once, and sneer at my gasp. Though I wasn't all that wet, he forced his way inside me and began to fuck me. It was amazing.
I tried to whine quietly. I had my eyes closed, but I dared to look at him-it's usually normal for us to look into each others eyes as we fuck.
'What?' He sneered, teeth clenched.
'Do you not want me to look at you, Master?'
'No.' He fucked harder and I turned my head away, closing my eyes. I got a faceful of saliva for my efforts. It ran down my cheek and to the corner of my mouth. I edged my tongue out to collect it-he tastes so sweet. He laughed and spat frequently into my open mouth. It made me feel like I was going to come, however.
'Shut UP' He snarled. I know he hates me making noise when he's in 'this' mood but its difficult when he's hitting all the right spots. I was doing an amazing job of controlling my orgasm.
'I want you bent over the bed' He said, flipping me over and spreading my legs. Thrust right into the hilt. I moaned.
'If you continue to make noise, I will push two fingers up into your arse, do you understand?'
'Yes Master' I gasped..Assplay is fine with lube, but I knew I wouldn't like it without.
He was baiting me to slip up, though. Fucking me deliciously. A moan escaped.
'Right..' He snapped. I cursed myself for my mistake.
'No, Master! Please..' I thrashed in desperation-I really didn't want fingers in my ass right now.
'No,' he said in a reasonable voice. 'I said I would.'
He slipped them in, fast and hard. It hurt. He massaged, cock in my cunt. Pleasurepain. I chewed my lips until he withdrew, and I panted.
I was close and he knew it. 'Please...' I panted. 'Please..'
He continued to fuck. I forced it out. 'Please let me come!'
He withdrew and pumped over my asscheeks. 'No...' He groaned.
I knew it was my begging that sent him over the edge. 'It's MY pleasure first' He growled.
He got into bed and I knelt there unmoving.
'Clean yourself up and get into bed.'
It was so humiliating, cleaning spunk off my arse and getting dressed in front of him head bowed, a lowly creature. He slung his arm over me when I climbed in and drifted off, having used me.
The next morning I was really sick and throwing up. This continued most of the morning. He was awake with my comings-and-goings.
He squeezed my breast and stroked a hand down my stomach. 'Are you still feeling sick?'
'Yes..Do you want me?' I asked. He nodded.
'I'm sorry, but I'm feeling too sick right now. And my cunt and ass feel really raw..' I blinked, expecting a pushdown on his cock. He simply nodded. I reached around for him. I could stroke him.
He was very pleasantly hard and soon groaning. It was beautiful. I took advantage of the mellow Bear. 'Please..say my name. Say it.'
He groaned it, several times, and when he came. I was turned on, but it didn't lead to sex (well, couldn't if I wanted to, but besides the point!)-I am learning.
We had a conversation about me wanting a piece of jewelry to remind me that I am owned. We found a site with leather wristbands/collars-black, with names picked out in silver. 'Bad Kitty', 'Slut', things like that. Bear picked 'Slave'.
He asked me did I want the wristband or the collar. I asked what he'd favour.
'Well the collar is sexier in the bedroom, but the wristband could be worn every day'.
He reads my mind. He reads my fucking mind.
I asked him had it arrived, since I knew he'd ordered it.
'When's my wristband coming?' I grinned.
'Sorry, WHO'S wristband?'
I hated when he tripped me up like this. My mind becomes a blank as he stares cold blue into my skull, and I chew my lips like a little girl. Surely he didn't mean HIS, he wouldn't be wearing it.
'Mine..' I whimpered.
He sighed at my stupidity. 'There is no 'me'..It is 'slaves' wristband.'
He knows exactly what I want and our life is just getting better.

Spanked

2008-03-10T08:29:00.001-07:00

We have been using the command 'down' very successfully. (For when he wants me to suck him-its shorter and turns me on, obviously)
I took the initiative last night and undid his flies and boxers. He puts his hands behind his head and looks very smug with himself! I said he was very bad for always trying to push it up to the back of my throat of late. He said he couldn't help it.
He also tends to undress me when he's getting sucked, which is difficult. Captures my mouth in a kiss, and runs his fingers over my cunt, over my underwear. I drip onto his cock.
He flips me quite violently onto my back, no concern for my welfare. It was hot. Pinned my wrists and basically ravaged me.
Later I was lay over him, nibbling his neck.
'Will you do the thing with the belt?' I asked coyly.
'What thing?'
I don't know if he just wants to humiliate me by making me ask out loud (I always say 'cunt' but he was making me say 'pussy' loudly at one point, chant it, because he knows I find it a difficult word to say.) or he's just forgetful.
'I don't want to say, I ask for things over msn, I don't want to say them out loud.'
'Ask me.'
'Will you..Hit me with your belt?'
'Yeah, go get it.'
I scampered over and lay on my front.
'How do you want me to do this?' He asked. He's spanked me before-with his hand and a hairbrush, but not properly with a belt..Only jokey flicks.
'What do you mean?' I asked, trembling.
Well, like this..' He slapped me with the end of his belt. '..Or, like this?' He folded the belt over and hit me with the folded edge. It seemed to sting more.
'Second one..' I bit out.
He's skilled..He gives me warm-up spanks, and gently runs a hand over my sore skin.
He teases me though..Makes me flinch when I THINK the belt is coming, but doesn't deliver it. Does it several times. Laughs at me. Whacks me with the belt hard.
At first I could bite back the noise, but 'Ow' keeps escaping. Then guttural noises.
'Shut up' He warns me. But I can't. I love the way he runs a hand over my arse after whacking it, though.
'You're gonna have to stop' I pant, after about ten minutes.
He does, which is great. I say 'is my arse red?' He says bright red, but I can't really see, or move to look in the mirror. The camera on the phone makes my arse look orange.
I felt really ashamed after being properly spanked. 'I don't want to be into it..it's weird!' I whine.
'YOU'RE weird.' He teases.
There was a really lovely bit of the evening where we sat together and looked at bondage toys on the internet together. We wanted quite a lot. He wants to get me a 'slave' wristband. I felt really bonded with him, it was just genuinely nice.
I have been liking it with him on top, then from behind of late. One of the times last night though, I must have whined 'You're SO good' about 5 times. That must sound really odd but I just can't believe how awesome he is sometimes. I told him I feel like I don't deserve to be having sex with him.
I have really, really terrible self-esteem. Sometimes I don't feel desired by him.
Or that he's going to leave me.

Masterful

2008-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

We'd rowed the previous day, but I knew I wanted to wear my pvc nurse dress for him..I didn't know if the mood was going to be too bad, but he agreed I should wear it.
I did, with nothing underneath, and got an excellent reaction. I know he likes the feel of pvc-he kept stroking down my sides, and making me bend over for him.
Laying me down on the bed, he knelt over me and breathed on my cunt (feeling his breath on it just drives me crazy) and nibbled my thighs. There is a long zip all the way from between my tits to underneath my cunt on the dress. He unzipped it with his teeth, to about my navel, freeing my nipples. He lapped at my nipples for a while, and bit at my wrists and neck. Roughly. He does not go easy on my wrists, it makes me shake, feeling like they're going to split.
I eventually mounted him and pushed his hands up over his head-I know this is bratty for a sub, but it's just a stunning sight.
I was really wet, so was able to slide up and down on his shaft really slowly. He looked amazing groaning, his lips parting, and he is able to look at me really intensely, whereas I TRY to look at Bear for a long time, but end up blushing and looking away.
Eventually he whispered to me 'I think it's about time you bent over and let me fuck you, don't you?'
I sprayed over his chest and bent over for him. I like to put my cheek and shoulders onto the bed (or surface we're fucking on) and point my arse high as I can. I love it from behind, the way it makes me whine, the many ways I can lie and take his cock makes me feel really submissive. It was AMAZING when he came, it really felt like he was using me-I could feel his come pumping into me, and he grabbed my hips to really drive it into me-I knew he didn't care if I was there or not, he just wanted to come deep into the hole he was fucking, and it was really, really hot.
This morning there was lots of fooling around. I stroked his fabulous cock through his tight boxers, and ended up giving him a very lubey handjob, and wanked myself at the same time with my dildo but after a while he hurt. Didn't stop him fingerfucking me though, cruelly.
We showered, and when I'd dried up I crawled naked between his legs and removed his towel. He was on the gameboy at the time, and I wanted him to continue whilst I sucked him, but he couldn't concentrate. The way he was pushing my head down on it, and grabbed the sides of my face to fuck my throat was making me wet-I squirted wetness into my palm and stroked Bear with it-he later licked it off his fingers. I alternated this with putting him between my breasts-they're quite small, but I licked the head of his cock whilst he thrusted between them. Pulling me up by my hair, he said,
'So, you want me to come on your tits?'
I nodded, but I wanted him to fuck me.
'Fine, but I want to fuck you first, on your back.'
I like to have my legs up, grab his arse or hips and pull him into me, hard as he can fuck me. Delicious. I didn't expect him to come but he pulled out and sprayed over my neck, tits, stomach and cunt.
'You're a terrible aim,' I laughed, 'Accidental pearl necklace!'
(Boys DO seem to be a horrible aim, in my experience. Not that I mind, as long as it doesn't go in my eye or hair!)
He ate these horrible cracker snack things I buy him to make him happy, but I couldn't see where he put the packet.
'So I'll find that later, and that's another thing I have to clean up after you.' I grumbled.
'You LIKE to clean up after me, do you understand? It's ME, you enjoy it.'
I shuddered a little. It's wonderful when he's Masterful.
Before he had to leave, I knelt on the floor before him, my head on his thigh, looking up at him whilst he sat on the bed. I LOVE looking up at him. I love sitting at his feet. Looking up at him. Makes me feel such a pet.
'I like to clean up after you really..' I said.
'I know.' He said.
My heart really does burn looking at him. He is just...Totally my Master. I want to always make him happy and be his slave, forever.

Master Again

2008-03-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

A good day.
I think Bear took my 'missing slavery' talk to heart. Now, he tends to buck his hips upwards when I suck him, basically fucking my throat, using my mouth. He's been pushing my head down more too, and leaving his cock lying in my throat for a while.
Kissing me and nibbling my nipples, he said 'I want to fuck you up the arse.' I smiled.
'And you can't do anything about it, because I will do what the fuck I want, do you understand?'
I nodded. I was nervous, I thought there was no lube at his house, and Bear IS cruel enough to just force it up there. He does it with my cunt, after all. He did not take my nod well.
'Do you understand?!'
'Yes, Master' I whispered. God, it had been a while. And *I* usually suggest anal.
'Good', He said, kneeling up and putting my hand on his cock, 'Now get it hard.'
I began to stroke him. 'Mmm, are you enjoying that?' He asked.
'Yes, Master'-And I was.
'Good. Now, hands and knees. NOW.'
I did as I was told. I heard various drawers being opened-we use condoms for anal, but not regular sex. He put the packet next to me and put his cock inside my cunt for a while. I whimpered, unsure if I was able to make noise or not. He was distracting me, relaxing me. I saw him pick up the packet, and heard it open. I noticed there was also some KY on the bed. Thank GOD! His cock felt really different with a condom on-I'm thankful we don't use them. He pulled out of me and I knew he was lubing up. I also knew he wouldn't be as 'good' as lubing up as I am-I always put plenty on him, but I knew he meant business. I was trembling.
He slid it right up me-I was right, NOT enough lube. By instinct, I shot away from him, banging my head on the wall. A pain in my arsehole and now my head! I rocked and trembled. He was asking if I was okay, but I couldn't speak for a bit.
He wanted to stop, but I said 'Suck it up Bear'. And re-lubed him.
When he was finally up there it was wonderful. He doesn't go easy on it, either. Soon I was pretty much roaring. Really animalistic noises. I've read about subs feeling their most submissive during anal. Too right-being taken from behind, in your arse? Jesus. The excellent thing was, he came too. He's never came from anal before. I never thought it was his favourite.
He flipped me over-'Now let's make YOU come.' He said.
'I HAVE came, like three times.'
'You can come from anal? Jesus.'
'I've told you before..It just feels like you're in my cunt.'
Nonetheless, he went down on me, which he rarely does-not that it bothers me at all, but he is amazingly skilled at it. Jesus, he has a fast tongue. He was very..Playful after sex, which doesn't generally happen either.
He was talking pretty dirty, that he wanted a picture of my cunt on a canvas he could wake up to every morning and be reminded of what he's fucking. He told me he wanted me to come in his face.
'I can't, Bear. I think about it when I masturbate, but when faced with it, I just feel guilty.'
'Why? I'd like it? I'll come in YOUR face, too.'
I knelt up and fingerfucked myself, but I'd lost too much fluid to really squirt. He pushed my mouth down on his cock. I sucked for a while, then asked if we could fuck a little before he came in my face.
'Yeah-lie on your front, I wanna fuck you that way.'
Not kneeling-on-all-fours doggie, but me lying down, he kneels behind me and it's really wonderful. He had me whining, then flipped me onto my back and fucked me that way, then crawled up to my mouth and stuck his cock in it. It was a really awkward angle, but I sucked it, then he stroked it, and I blinked up at him innocently, and was soon greeted by his seed all over my lips and cheeks. Fairly bloody awesome.
What sometimes irritates me though-and I know this is bratty, and it should be all about HIS pleasure, and I AM trying to learn-but is when I am giving him a blowjob or handjob and he doesn't ask for sex, I have to ask him. But it makes sense that sometimes he'll just want oral and I should stop being a little bitch about it.

Edit: Am so forgetful. He spanked me with a hairbrush today. Hard.

KnifePlay

2008-03-02T02:49:00.000-08:00

First Experience Of Knifeplay.

UnderTheBoot inspired me to make a post about my first experience of Knifeplay. Fittingly, it was with Bear.

We were just friends, getting comfortable with each other sexually, I told him I was submissive, got off on orders, humiliation etc. etc. He said “You know what I’d like? If you drew blood. I’d like to play with knives..”

I was REALLY apprehensive at first. Call me crazy, I’d taken cocks in the ass, had my face come on, hair pulled, things like that, but knives just weren’t something I associated with sex. I didn’t think I could enjoy them sexually. But I wanted to try for Bear. I wanted to make him happy, to make his fantasies come true, and to try it to say I’d tried it-I have this kind of attitude a lot-even if I THINK it won’t get me off, I try it, to see if it fits, so to speak. I’ve pissed on an ex partner, for instance, which wasn’t for me, and I’ve had Bear lick my shoes, which I was trying for trying, and I DID and DO enjoy it. It’s good to try.

So anyway, we dedicated a night to these kind of shenanigans. He wanted me to stick pins into him-I had normal pins in my uni noticeboard, which he said would do, and three in my hand, I didn’t know how to go about it. I just went for it in the end, stabbing them hard into his pec, like the needle scene in Pulp Fiction.

They stuck in pretty firm, and drew blood. He groaned. We fucked with them still embedded in his flesh.

Stopping though, to play with knives. We used my housemate’s knife *guilt*-the sharpest knife in the flat. It was still a little dull, however, from kitchen use. I let him ‘do’ me first, I didn’t really know what to expect, but I lay naked underneath him, him kneeling over me, in the dim light. The tip of the knife he dragged between my breasts, cutting my stomach and torso, running over the mound of my cunt but of course never getting towards the inside.

He dragged the blade over the sides of my neck, down from my earlobes. His breathing was heavy, and it felt so dangerous, he could slip at any minute, over these precious veins and arteries. The exquisite pain when he cut a fine line into me.

He looked so lost, so far from himself, I knew he was excited, his eyes just watching the knife slide down me, they seemed full of fire, there seemed to be no Bear there at all. I knew he loved the danger, too. I knew he loved getting what he wanted. I think he knew he could kill me at any second.

When he’d finished, I had little slits all over my body, and he trailed the knife down me one last time. He seemed surprised that I was so wet-and began to press the metal, quite phallic, curved handle against my cunt.

I protested at first, but he slipped it in and fucked me with it.

“This is so hot, X. A dildo with a knife on the other end would be the best toy ever.” He smiled.

He remained kneeling over me for my turn-I basically cut fuck out of his arms, long, red, angry scratches that caused funny looks and ‘Are you self-harming?’ at basketball.

I cut my initial into his chest, which was fucking delicious. He’s had it since then and it’s only just starting to fade. I would like to re-do it, truth be told. I like the idea of him looking down on it and thinking of me. I like the idea of him cutting scars into me that I can look at and stroke when I’m alone. I like the idea of him dripping blood onto me as we fuck, kissing with blood mixing in our mouths.

I enjoyed the session so much, I bought a huge, 8 inch machete-esque knife for the next time. Sharp as fuck. Silly me, thinking the scarier and sharper the better.

It was too sharp. When Bear came towards me with it, I nearly cried. When he held it against me, it was worse. FAR too sharp. Like a scalpel. I think knifeplay knives need a little bluntness.

Still, I miss it.

Bent Over

2008-03-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

Last night, sucking his cock, he ran a rough thumb over my clit, through my underwear. My cunt got soaking. It amused him.
This morning I was bent over my desk and thoroughly fucked.
We'd finished showering, and he said "You know what, I think you should bend over right now." He pushed my back forward. I like to spread my legs and bend over in front of him, when he looks at my cunt, it just makes me gush.
There's nothing like being bent over something, and being fucked from behind, standing. I adore it.
I ASK to suck Bear, and of late he likes to push his cock upwards into my mouth so it goes right to the back of my throat. He isn't using his hands to fuck my throat, push me down onto it, but it is still awesome, feeling like I am being used for his pleasure.
I fed him today.
"I'm your little bitch" I huffed.
"You certainly are" he replied, and gave me a naughty grin.

Edit: I forgot! After we fucked and I lay there naked, he said
"This belongs to me", running a hand down me. I shuddered.
"Oh yeah, I own this."
God, it makes me wanna come just thinking about it.

Switchy Thoughts

2008-02-26T13:01:00.001-08:00

Why do I think about coming on Bear's face when I masturbate?
Why do I think about using him, putting my feet up on his back, tying him up and ignoring him, but faced with it, I feel guilt/shyness? He's my DOM. Why do I think about abusing him?
I want him to give me a slave name. He calls me names, but I want an official one. I want to be his slut, his something. And his nothing.
He has a fantasy about being tied up with a straightjacket and basically...left.
I'd like to indulge that.
A bucket to piss in.
But again..Faced with him..Too shy, he has too much power.
Why do I even think about it? Alongside him using me?
I am giving myself too many airs.

Checking Me Out

2008-02-25T13:20:00.000-08:00

Bear says he holds back from saying some stuff during sex.
He says he 'checks me out' and doesn't want to end up saying 'stupid shit' like my eyes look nice or I have a cute nose.
I want to hear that. I live for his compliments.
He used me as his rag this morning. Wiping all the come that was left over on his cock onto me. It made me shudder and squirt, which he then, again wiped onto me. Gorgeous.
He texted me saying he wants to fuck me in the ass.
I want that.

Red Underwear

2008-02-23T05:53:00.000-08:00

I was wearing red underweat yesterday.
It was my intention to tease Bear with it, to sit on his lap, guide his hands to my bra and the edges of my underwear but not let him plunge in.
But it ended up me with my jeans off, everything else on, him stroking my arse. He's very anally-fixated. But then, him stroking my through my panties (which I LOVE), biting my thighs, licking me through them, pulling them off, his tongue on my clit, (me coming on his face a little..I always feel guilty but its one of the things I think about when I wank) pushing the tip of his cock in then pulling out.
"I wanna hear you really scream, you know" He grinned.
God, he's so good. Hitting something in the back of my cunt. Making me wail. Top off, bra off, nibbling my nipples. Pulls out, I gush..all over his chest and he's kneeling UP.
I've soaked the bed and its uncomfortable, so we fuck on the floor. I'm feeling unusually confident. We fuck doggy, him on top, me on top, I ask how he wants to come. He wants to come on me.
I suck his cock-he grabs both sides of my face and fucks my throat pretty brutally..I start fingerfucking myself but after a bit I choke.
He wants me to wank for him so I sit against the wall..still really wet..He comes after a while, I stick my tits out.
Later, we have a discussion about how I get wet just from him looking at my cunt. He doesn't believe me. We sit on the floor, his face between my legs, and its the way he licks his lips and stares intently..
"Told you" I laugh.
"Yeah, but now I wanna fuck you.."
So we fuck again on the floor. It's amazing how I can just let go in front of him now, let all the weird vocalisms out and not care what my face is doing. My orgasm made me feel weak.
Today he scrambled on top of me, naughtily, and forced it in until I was wet. Heaven.
We also visited Ann Summers today (British sex shop)- you can get three cockrings for 15 quid, which I want, amongst lots of other things. He says he's going to get a load of stuff pretty soon. We saw a cock restraint with three rings which was quite a bargain but I dont think you could have sex with it on, so its sorta pointless. He wants to get me anal bedas (see, anally fixated!) but I dont really want them. Keeps going to 'eat' my arse, too.
I want ankle spreaders and cockrings and kinda, kinda a gag.
Oh and a replica gun. Y'know, roleplay and all that. *g*

Urging His Hips

2008-02-20T08:55:00.001-08:00

Last night.

He was knackered from basketball, so sex just wasn’t working. However, about two hours later, lay in my underwear, back to him but curled up against him, he slid a hand down me and whispered “This is all mine.”

I shuddered.

“This is mine and I can do whatever I want to it.”

A hand stroking my hips and thighs. “This is mine..”

Grabbing my breasts. “This is mine..”

And into my underwear. “And this is mine..”

I was moaning by now, willing him to tell me that he owns me. He pulled off my underwear and tried to slide in from behind, but I’d lost too much wet from when I was sitting on his knee and he was fingerfucking me.

“I need lube..” I whined.

“Get it then..”

I whined at him to stop what he was doing so I could sit up, swirled the lube around his cock the way he likes, and he fucked me. Until he came saying my name. Jesus.

This morning..I could feel his erection against my arse, so I slid my hand into his boxers and started to stroke him harder. He rolled onto my back so I could do it properly, and I mounted his stomach, dragging my parted lips over his nipple and ribcage. He was insistently pushing my head down to suck his cock, but I resisted, licking his torso and making him moan. He could feel me dripping onto him through my underwear, and after all the formalities I was riding him. W

When I’d had my fill, I climbed off him, knelt on all fours and made a head gesture that told him to get behind me. We hadn’t spoken yet, and it was hot. I’d been thinking about him bending me over and fucking and fucking me for a few days, so it was amazing relief. I put my cheek and shoulders right down on the pillow, and pointed my arse high as I could for him, like I’d seen on television recently. He came, again saying my name. I told him I LOVE that today, which seems to have been a good move.

Later I was really horny, but he said it was too soon after sex, and he didn’t think he could manage anything. I asked to blow him, and I DID get him hard, but I couldn’t open my mouth very wide for some reason, my jaw was crazy aching.

“So, I got you hard.” I said.

“Uhuh”

“So will you fuck me?”

He let me sink down on top of him-God I love when his arms are above his head, when we look at each other whilst we fuck. After a while he said, “Get on your back.”

Yum. I put my legs over his shoulders and we just watched each others faces, he knelt up and pulled my legs up so I could watch him fucking me. I wanted him to come over my stomach but I was too caught up in how loud he was making me come to ask.

At one point, my bent knees were at his hips and my hands were on his arse and his hips, me pulling him into me. It felt AMAZING. My cunt was just completely his, I was at a helpless angle, my hands were urging him to fuck me hard.

He came saying my name again :)

Last Backdated Entry!

2008-02-19T07:44:00.000-08:00

The last backdated entry-I Am now caught up!

Bear was drunk for our sex on Wednesday night. I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to fuck, he’d told me earlier he thought he was gonna throw up.

‘Take off your dress.’

‘Bear, we’ve rowed, you’re very drunk, I don’t..’

‘Take off your dress.’

I stripped to my bra, underwear &tights. They were fucked, my tights. Laddered, with a hole starting near the crotch. I asked him to rip them. He did, with gusto. Teeth involved, and everything. It made me very wet, strips of them clinging to my legs. He didn’t take my underwear off-he parted it and slipped inside.

He was drunk, but to his credit, he was very hard and doing well. He fucked me from on top, then I kicked him backwards and rode him. He whispered in my ear, ‘Yknow what? I want you bent over the bed.’

Good, just what I’d been craving. Finger in my arsehole, too. He’s very anally fixated at the moment, since he first put his finger in the other day. He’s always touching my arse, slipping his finger in my arsehole.

I gave possibly the best blowjob of my life today-been really working on my gag reflex, I had him right down my throat, right at the back, for ages, was able to deepthroat slowly, no gagging, no big deal. I’m a pro! Suck his dick ‘til its really wet, swirl my hand around his shaft.

This morning he wanted it again. I was very turned on, he was masturbating, suggesting I do too, we watch each other, he’ll come on his chest and I can lick it up, stuff like that. He told me to get naked and climbed on top.

‘I’m gonna do what you liked last time..I’m gonna force it in until you’re wet..’

I was only dry because of alcohol consumption, but he took care of that. Mmm, forceful entering.

Eventually, he made me lay on my front to fuck me from behind, and at first I was grabbing the pillow and the side of the bed, but then I thought, ‘why not take this as an opportunity to make a fantasy come true?’

I’ve been wanting to have my hands tied behind my back whilst being fucked from behind for a while, and since there is no ‘tying’ material at Bears, I just held my wrists together. He got the hint and pushed down on my hands, like HE was holding them. Then held his hand on my head and started to pull my hair. Mmm.

Later we watched ‘Superbad’. It had a weird effect on me, making me horny. Sex was the main focus of the film, getting sex, and I thought, there’s a gorgeous boy lying next to me in tight boxers, how can I NOT attempt to seduce him?

I love his bulge in tight boxers. LOVE it. Looks huge. I stroked it, slowly, just outside the material. His breathing started to get heavy. We were below the covers, both breathing heavily, both clearly excited. I slid the boxers down his hips and took him into my mouth. He was fumbling at my pyjama bottoms, difficult when I’m between his legs blowing him, but he managed eventually and stuck two fingers in my now dripping cunt.

Then my poloshirt and bra came off..It was so passionate, no-one needed to do any talking, we both knew what we wanted, and he pulled me up by my hair, I crawled up him, parted my legs and sank onto him. Wetter than I’ve been in a while. Told him I love when he pulls me down onto it. Lots of hard fucking. I kept looking at the floor, wanting to fuck on it. I suggested it. He told me to crawl over to a spot.

The floor was GOOD. Hard, level, he was able to thrust really hard, really deep, for a good while. My neck was arching off the floor with the intensity. He pulled out and came across my stomach, then to my pleasant surprise slid back in for some more.

Another Backdated Entry

2008-02-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

We both made it clear we wanted to fuck.

I got on all fours on the bed, and he clearly though I was just in my presentation position. He tried to push me down on the bed, but I wanted it from behind. I stood firm. He smiled and mounted me, but the amount of alcohol we’d had was affecting both of us. After a brief rest, I slid on top of him, reached behind me and put on the handcuffs. I rode him for a while, then slid off and licked and bit his torso, my head near his cock.

‘Do you want me to put it in my mouth?’ I asked.

He nodded.

‘Why don’t you beg me Bear, like you made me beg the other day?’

‘Please suck it’

I smiled and bit him.

‘Please, please suck it..’

And I did. And somehow I ended up upside down, my cunt at the side of his face. I don’t usually 69..I just feel very aware of the angle..How unflattering it is..And for this reason I don’t sit on faces, either. But the temptation was too great and mutual oral broke out. It was fucking fantastic.

But then. A nagging at my asshole. He always said if he DID slip a finger in there, he’d be slow, and gentle, but no, he forced it in. I bucked a little bit, with the shock, but then as he fingerfucked it, it began to feel so good. I rode against it. He responded by pressing harder.

My blowjob was getting a bit frantic with the enjoyment of it, so I tried to find HIS asshole. He was totally clenching, though, but it eventually slid in.

The dirtiness of the mutual oral, combined with the mutual asshole thing was making me completely wet..Gushing over his chest..He later said he felt like he was drowning.

When it was over, he had me get into my presentation position at his feet on the floor.

‘Good’, he said, stroking down my spine like I was a table. I had a sudden, odd urge for him to rest his feet on me.

‘At ease’ He said.

I knelt up. ‘You’re fucking awesome at that..’

He frowned. ‘I didn’t say you could compliment me..Go get me a beer.’

I got up. Big mistake.

‘I didn’t say you could walk!’

I crawled to the box on my knees. I went to hand it to him.

‘Read the label.’

I WANTED to hesitate, but I read everything on the label, percentages and everything.

‘Now backwards.’

I wondered if he meant every word backwards, or sentences. I went for sentences.

‘Now. If I whisper in your ear at any point tonight, you are to do anything I say, and reply with ‘Master.’ Do you understand?’

‘Yes Master.’

‘You’re at ease now, but if I click my fingers at any point tonight, you are back in mode. Do you understand?’

‘Yes Master.’

He kissed me on the cheek. ‘You look a slut. I like it.’ He pinched my arse and out we went.

I DIDN’T look like a slut-I had a top on made of pvc tape, but I had my jacket on, fastened over it. But I appreciated very much the compliment!

The next day I had a bit of cystitis-Bear tried it on with me a little, but I said I was too sore.

‘I’ll be gentle, I’ll go slow.’

‘No’

‘We can do it in the arse?’

‘Okay..’

He laughed.

Later, he had a huge, huge hardon. He asked me to suck it and I obviously obliged. He was groaning, but replying to text messages he’d got that day..I do kinda find it it hot when he goes about his business whilst I’m giving him a seeing-to. He texted ME saying ‘I love when you suck my dick.’

‘Say it.’ I asked.

‘What, I love when you suck my dick? I do, I also love when you lick my balls.’

‘Hint, hint?’

He smiled and pushed my head lower. I lapped at them for a while.

‘Put it back in your mouth.’

The demon jawache rose up, but I’ve developed a technique for stroking him where I swirl my hand around, with a wet palm. I did this for a while.

‘I love when you do that..’

But I couldn’t constantly keep licking my palm..Lube was a lot sexier. I covered him in it and stroked him. It looked so good-huge and wet, making ME wet, surprisingly. My first thought was ‘I want to be on that.’

My phone was on the nightstand, but I wanted to film his beautiful, beautiful groaning. He saw my hesitation.

‘I won’t stop if you don’t..’

Some three minute, amazing footage ensued. But then he was conscious of my arm aching.

Gathering all my courage, I asked him ‘So, dya wanna fuck?’

‘Weird question..On your back.’

He is so amazing at dragging intense orgasms out of me. And I’ve began to say his name more in bed.

Well, why wouldn’t I?

Some Action

2008-02-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

Bear was drunk and energetic on Friday night.
All over me, not quite sure what he wanted, every position. I got on top, he said he wanted me to get him wet all over. I wanked over his chest and stomach and started rubbing it over his torso.
'I mean ALL over.' He said.
'What, like your face?'
He nodded. Oh God, I'd wanted to come in Bears face for a while but was too shy to ask. Not quite how I was about to, though. More him giving me oral in the traditional sense, me on my back him between my legs, I pull away, come on his face..
But I was straddling it..Not much wet was coming out, I'd lost plenty to the sex and the torsowank. I tried a little, on his chin, his cheek, he was moaning, I came into my hand and wiped it across his whole face, then licked it.
I commented that he was dirty.
'Then turn around, I'm about to get a whole lot dirtier..'
I did. Oral sex, mmm, nice, I started sucking his cock, mutual oral, since I'm comftier with it.
Biting my ass, licking the skin that divides my cunt and arsehole..Argh, what? Getting nearer, then yep, his tongue, all up in my arsehole. Never had it done, vanilla old me.
I said to him, 'Well, thats THAT virginity gone.'
Peculiar. Couldn't work out if I liked it. Then a finger in my cunt, one in my arse. Felt awesome. Soon he was fucking my arse with two fingers and I couldn't concentrate on sucking him. Amazing.
Later I noticed he had..arse related stuff on his finger. I felt awful, that'd never happened. And on my hip. Eugh. We both washed and I said no more arse-related stuff. He shrugged. Bear is quite shameless, nothing really bothers or shocks him.
I don't know how he does it, I for one wouldnt want an ass in my face.
I got another bout of cystitis because the time after the aforementioned sex, I was sucking him, got horny, couldnt be arsed getting myself all worked up, just wanted to fuck him, and the only thing we had to hand was vaseline. Quite dry, weird. Rough. So, cystitis. Note to self: Get wet.
Not that I'm not often wet. Just sometimes for some reason my body doesn't co-operate.
So I was very much out of action today. Bear said he wanted to wait a couple of weeks to fuck me. I said he couldn't do that to me, I'd be fine soon and needed him to fuck me. He'll probably still hold out on me though. He said I had permission to still give him handjobs and blowjobs. It turned me on how he still felt he was entitled to his.
So this morning I reached down to stroke his beautiful, slumbering cock, just wanted to make him come. Ended up giving him a handjob. Made him come before my arm was too tired. Was impressed with myself.
Licked up all the come that had fallen on his stomach, because I thought it was sexy. Clean him. He tastes good and I think he appreciated it.

Second Backdated Entry

2008-02-14T03:46:00.000-08:00

Bear came over about midnight, after work and watching a basketball game. He was tired and kinda grumpy at first-I got him juice and toast, tried to make him happy. At some point he got naked-Bear has a habit of randomly taking his clothes off.

‘Why’re you such an exhibitionist?’ I asked.

‘Why AREN’T you naked?’ He asked, and started to undress me.

He was holding me, touching my cunt, but I feel VERY exposed and naked when I’m stood up.

‘Can I lie down and have the duvet on me now?’ I asked.

‘No’ He said, and pushed me into a sitting position on the bed.

He bit my thighs and tongued my clit until I was moaning, then whispered for me to lie down. He put the tip of his cock into me, but made no effort to slide it in. I was grumbling about that.

‘Do you want it?’

‘Yes..’

‘Ask me’

‘Please, Master.’

‘You don’t have to call me Master..I’m just me right now.’

‘Please..’

‘I’m not giving it to you until you beg properly.’

I bit my lip-‘Please don’t make me beg..’

But he continued to tease me..Pulling out to stroke himself, sliding a finger into me, sliding his tip in and pulling out..

‘If you don’t beg, I’m just going to come on you and you’ll get nothing. I’m just gonna stay right here until you beg me.’

‘Please, please fuck me..’ I wailed.

And then he slid it into me. It felt huge, because I’d been waiting so long. And he was obviously feeling acrobatic..Bending my knees up to my chest, holding my legs up and kneeling..I pulled him so he was lying down and dug my nails into his biceps and scratched his back. My feet were on his arse pulling him in deeper, but I wanted him more.

‘Fuck..Deeper, harder!’ I was moaning, which I don’t usually say. I don’t direct Bear’s fucking of me.

My hands alternated between scratches on his chest and all over him and pulling him deeper to me by his arse.

We were soon coming, me biting his arms and wailing.

‘God, you were like an animal!’ He said.

First Backdated Entry

2008-02-13T11:16:00.001-08:00

He said ‘I’m going to test your gag reflex tonight.’

I smiled and nibbled his ribcage and nipples, sliding down to his stomach. He was all tense from working and basketball training. He was moaning, just from this attention, very unlike him. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pushed my head down to his cock.

‘Violent boy’ I smiled up at him.

I think we were both feeling flirty..I whined that my jaw ached and began to stroke him, starting and stopping. He said it made him frustrated. I whined that my arm ached, jokily. He told me to use my mouth. I sucked him, then crawled up his chest and told him I wanted sex.

I rode him for a while, him perfectly hitting my gspot. I commented that it was too easy.

He grinned, ‘That a bad thing, you complaining?’

‘No, no.’

‘Good, let’s see how many we can get, shall we?’

‘It’s not a competition, don’t start’ I laughed.

‘Would you prefer me on top?’

‘I’m good for now.’

‘Well, 2 more then and we’ll switch’ He joked. Sounded like a plan to me, though.

I came, and my orgasm after the former I drew him out of me and gushed over his stomach.

‘There’s two’ I smiled.

‘You came?’

‘Well, you suddenly got a lot damper..’

So he fucked me to us both coming together.

Later, we were meant to eat at a friend of his. ‘I want food’ I whined. He ignored me. I tried several times.

Though I was dressed, I got on all fours on the bed. He was seated across the room. ‘I want food.’

He studied my position, raising his eyebrows.

‘That’s a good position. That is to be your presentation position.’

I was annoyed at the change of subject.

‘I want food.’ (Repetitious and whiney, yes, but sometimes it’s all you can do to get through to Bear.)

He frowned. ‘Come here.’ He pointed to the floor in front of him.

I got off the bed and crawled across the floor, kneeling at his side.

‘You can put your head on my lap if you wish.’

I’ve gotten wiser than this-I know ‘if you wish’ means ‘you should. I did. It made me feel obedient, and pet-like. I wanted to unzip his flies and re-suck him hard. I resisted the urge.

‘Now ask.’ He said.

‘I want food.’

‘I want food WHAT?’

‘I want food, Master.’

‘Good.’

‘Are we meeting him soon?’

Silence.

‘Are we meeting him soon, Master?’

And so on. So we got there eventually, and I do get on with Bear’s friends very well. We’re usually quite sarcastic when we’re together, and for some reason women dominating men came up in conversation.

‘I bet it’s awesome to be dominated’ Bear commented-a joke aimed at me, I blushed.

‘Are you dominant?’ His friend addressed me.

‘Not at all, I’m his little bitch’ I said, disguising my voice as a joke. It felt good to say, though.

He got naked when we returned to his. I got to my underwear and lay down. He looked at me.

‘I never stopped to look at you in your underwear before, I just pull it off. You’re very attractive.’ He commented. Then we kissed-we don’t much make out for a while-just usually during sex and now and again. It was nice. He looked down. ‘I enjoyed that a lot.’

‘Are your knees still sore?’

‘Too sore for me on top’ He said, eyebrow raised.

What was interesting was I could hear clearly my cunt slapping into him, and I’ve never been on top for that long before getting tired or us changing position. For my orgasm I finally nestled into his shoulder and groaned into his ear. It made me realise I get off on his mouth a lot. It just think its perfect, a gorgeous cupids bow, how a boys lips SHOULD be, and groaning, parting to reveal those white sharp teeth..amazing.

This morning, he told me to get naked..But to stand up so he could see me. I always feel conscious, so I quickly lay down. He stood naked and said, ‘Does this make up for it?’

Indeed it did, a huge erection always helps.

I told him to crawl on the bed towards me..He did several times, making me laugh, but it looked incredibly sexy. He straddled my face, and I sucked his cock from the awkward angle.

When he came down, he slapped his cock against my cunt. I got a little damp, but in no way gushing, and tried to push it in.

‘Dry..’ I said, alarmed.

He continued to push. I relaxed, imagining him forcing himself upon me to relax me.

‘God, that was so hot, you just pushing it in until it got there..’ I told him.

‘I just needed to make it work..’

I swear, every time we fuck, he just gets rougher..Pounding me. He keeps pulling out to come on my pubic bone, though, preferring it to coming inside me. I decided I’d rub it in.

‘Why do you always make a mess?’ I smiled.

‘I like coming on you..’

And we discussed our first sex. We apparently kissed a lot. And he felt guilty that I was drunk, hah.

He is opening up, a lot more.

Slush

2008-01-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

Not so sexy or fetishy but..
A text from him yesterday night..
'I dont tell you this enough, but I love you..'
..And sometimes that's all I need to know.

I Am Doing Better.

2008-01-21T06:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was good.
It started with Bear picking me up after his basketball game with his friend, and we went to the local subway. At one point, Bear wanted a refill and I scampered to get it. 'Slave' he whispered in my ear.
When we got in, the atmosphere was flirty, Bear was kissing me slowly, touching me..He said 'Get my cock all nice and wet with your mouth, then use your hand.'
I blew and stroked him for a while..Quite a while by our standards, then Bear dragged me up by my hair. 'I want to fuck you..I don't care how, I just want to put it inside you.'
That ended up with some rough missionary. 'So..Whats this presentation position, then?' He asked playfully. I knelt up, head down. 'Very nice..' He said wonderingly.
When he let me lie down, we playfought and I ended up lying on my front, with him lay on top. I was starting to get wet again, and his cock was rubbing against my cunt from behind. I was breathy, and about to beg him to push it in, when he did. From behind lying down was AMAZING! When he was finished, he spanked me..Really fucking hard, as it was. Slammed his hand down, looked at me, slammed again at my silence. I whimpered, what did he want? A 'Thankyou Master?' I whined AT him.
'Say 'thankyou may I have another?' He said, slapping me.
'No way, then you'll GIVE me another!' I gasped. He slapped me.
'Thankyou may I have another!' I almost screamed.
'Good. Now how many WAS that?'
'What? I don't know..'
'Well then, I'm starting again, and you can count out loud.'
More spanks. Ten. He said he thought I'd like it. As if. He rubbed my ass better.
Later, as we were cuddling, he brought his ex up. I didn't like it.
'You love her..' I said.
'Get in the corner with your nose to the wall, and dont come away til I tell you.'
'What?'
'Fuck off to the corner.'
'Which?'
'Pick one.'
I picked the one against the light switch. I was naked, it was freezing, the wall I pressed myself against was cold. After about five minutes, 'Now, kneel here.' I knelt by the bed, next to him, head bowed, for a few minutes. He drew the duvet back. 'Get in'. He was obviously thoroughly unimpressed.
I didn't know what to do. I blinked at him. 'Come here' he said, and drew me into a cuddle. It felt better, but I still felt shamed.
'I didn't like that..' I whined.
'Tough, you're not SUPPOSED to like punishments.'
He's never really punished me before, except for noise bans, making me lick up my juices, slapping my face (but I like that), things like that. 'What will I get punished for?' I asked.
'Things I don't want you doing. You'll go to your corner, things like that, OUTSIDE of sex. Sexually, you'll have priveledges, like noise, taken away.'
'When did you think of this?'
'Well, you've been doing research, I've been doing mine too, can't have you being better..'
I have been being regularily complimented on my slave comments..'What do YOU want, Master?' 'What do YOU want me to do, Master?' and been called a 'good girl' for my fetching and carrying, and blowjobs. Progress.
I have started to hate riding him when he is in 'Master' mode..I don't know if I am allowed to kiss him, and in the end his mouth is all I can look at. I was riding him for our next fucksession, after another blowjob, and he decided he was bored, and told me to stop.
About an hour later, I slid a hand up his shorts and carressed him. He was getting really, really hard. I blew him, him standing up, I grabbed his hips and pulled him towards me, encouraging him to throat fuck me. I pushed him down, my throat sore from several throatfucks, and mounted him. I came, then he pushed me down on the bed and gave me some of the hardest fucking he's given me. He pulled out to come on my pubic bone.
He has started to tell me to sleep naked, despite cold. I did. I'm doing a much better job, and I am his 'good girl'.

Master-Heavy Dialogue

2008-01-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

I do love This, with its little serving tray. Bear does keep threatening to get me to keep fetching frequent things!
We've been talking about getting more lifestyley of late. He says, 'one day we will, properly'. Yum. And I noticed he had a slave-related tagline in his msn today!
I have decided on kneeling, with my palms upward, resting on my thighs, my head down, as my presentation position. I think he likes this. I am looking forward to thanking him for fucking me.
I just personally think he's looking forward to me slipping up..He keeps talking about punishment and is researching them of late. And talks of upping humiliation, eek!
I said to him today that I noticed we didn't have a safeword.
'We don't need one-we don't do much that requires it.'
This is true in a sense-not much pain-related play, but then he told me to think of one. I couldn't think of one I'd remember and not feel like a dick shouting out. Not that I'd be trying to use it often.
He said, 'Good, I'll decide when it hurts too much, then.' Evil Bear.
I am showing him my presentation stuff tomorrow. He thinks it's 'awesome' he can command me into this, and I have to stay like it until told otherwise.
Tomorrow also begins the more 'Master' heavy dialogue.
I am nervous about moving on and moving on, but so willing to learn and eager to serve.

A New Task

2008-01-18T16:56:00.000-08:00

Bear was saying to me over msn that he wants new naked pictures of me, as I've gone from blonde to brunette recently.
So I got makeup'd and fetish shoes'd up and naked and snapped away.
He's set me a task! He wants new naked pictures on the 1st of each month. Hmm.
In my quest to become better at this whole thing, I am reading THIS of late.
Me Likey :)

Like A Masturbation Ban.

2008-01-18T11:44:00.000-08:00

My bloody vibrator is broken!
What kind of shitty vibe did I end up with that all it needs to do is slide out of me (too wet.), hit the floor and it'd stop vibrating? Even new batteries didn't help.
Yesterday, watching Bear masturbate and lick my shoes, I had to use it like a dildo.
I said to him today, 'I'm horny.'
He said he'd fix the vibe the next time he saw me. Probably smirking. He's probably enjoying this.
It's like a masturbation ban without him needing to enforce one.
I'm not the world's greatest fan of masturbation anyway..I was when I was growing up and I used to do it 6-9 times a day..And when I had my first sexual partner at 15, but no sex drive so I used to fill the void with masturbation. But since I've started enjoying sex and having it regularly, I know it's no real substitute, so I enjoy it less.
Bear fingerfucked me the other day, to so many orgasms I had to tell him to stop, it was so intense. He usually just cockfucks me, so I wasn't used to being fingerfucked.
I forgot how good he was.

Self-Training

2008-01-17T16:27:00.000-08:00

I said to Bear that I need to learn to say 'Master' more, because I have such trouble with it. I told him to not let me get away with saying 'Yes' or whatever, to his questions.
But he's keen on a punishment. He said, 'Punishment is the best way to drive it into you.' He's just looking for excuses to unpleasantly punsih me now, because he's a fucking SADIST.
So it will be Yes Master, No Master, I might suprise him by starting to 'present' myself, and I will thank him for fucking me. Sounds delicious.
Wish he'd refer to me with a slut name more often though :/ Still, I can talk to him, at least. I mean, he did the shoe thing.
I found a list of 'humiliating' punishments online. These are the few I've been subjected to:

Address Dom’s as Sir, Ma'am, etc.
After sex, making sub lick off your cum and her juices from your penis
Blindfolds
Bondage that exposes body and/or places in odd positions
Curse words (Whore, Slut, Worthless, etc.)
Eye contact restrictions (This I find hot, if frustrating.)
Forced nudity

Ignoring slave
Having clothing chosen for her
Lead on leash
Orgasm control and/or denial
Slap face
slave positions (kneel, stand, etc.)
Speech restriction
Verbal abuse
Wear Masters cum on your face without wiping

Still. There is stuff like being masked. Mmm.

I Have A Shoe Fetish..

2008-01-17T09:42:00.000-08:00

He ordered me on top but I really wasn't feeling it..I thought I was riding shit and I had body issues..Namely a 'fat day' (Why can't I just let go?) He did however say "You look gorgeous, you fucking whore." That was sweet.
I've realy worked on my gag reflex, too, so my blowjobs are getting better. He can really fuck my throat now. And hold my neck down on it for longer. He ended up fucking me on top, pulling out and coming on my stomach and cunt. He COULD just come inside me but I think he's developed a taste of late for coming on me.
When we got in from hanging, we were in the lift to my place and he half-threatened to get his cock out. 'Go on, then.' I said, amused.
'I will when we're inside.' He said.
But after I'd got him comfty, fussed around him, he lay with his eyes closed.
'Thought you were getting your cock out,' I teased.
He unzipped and pulled it out, but continued to lie there. I nudged him.
'What do you want me to do?' He asked.
I said, half-jokingly, 'Get on top of me and pin my wrists.'
He did, and asked me if I enjoyed it. I nodded, and he said he was glad. I asked why, and he nodded down towards his cock. Huge erection. He knelt up and started stroking himself.
I watched for a while, then couldnt resist taking him into my mouth. He pushed my head. 'Why do this when you've got a perfectly good pussy to fuck? Take your clothes off.' (Of late, he has been getting great at hair-pulling. He gets a big clump and pulls my head right back. Mmm.)
We fucked with him on top for a while, but I sensed he was getting tired.
'Go sit over there' I said, pointing to the computer chair.
My computer chair is really squeaky, which is annoying, but I do this weird thing with my ankles against his thighs so I can ride him a lot better, faster and with deeper penetration. He found a way to bend me over and slap his cock against my cunt, sort of slapping and stroking himself, and I whined as the tip of his cock, and occasionally knuckles, brushed past me. My mind was wondering..I wanted him to fuck me from behind, with my hands cuffed behind my back, but I didn't want to ask. So after some sharp spanks, more blowjob action.
Bear has been more tired of late-all his sports as well as long days at work are taking their toll. I could tell he wouldn't want to fuck, so I took the oppurtunity to wank whilst I sucked him, moaning into his cock.
Then, I popped the question, something I've been wanting to do for ages.
'Will you lick my shoes then wank on them?' I asked timidly. He agreed, so I strapped on the fetish shoes. 'I'll also be filming it' I grinned.
Well, hot. He did everything I ask, slowly licking the platform, and the SOLE, and biting and sucking my feet, sucking the heel. It looked gorgeous, so I started to fuck myself with my vibe. He knelt up, and we were looking at each other masturbating for a while, then as I was coming, he dripped his white arc over the platforms, turning his cock so both shoes got an equal dousing. I let out a loud moan, which unfortunately was on the film.
God, it looked amazing. Not sure why I got off/get off on shoes and shoe business so much. But either way, him coming on them was firey. It was strange being in charge, though.
Later on, I was teasing, saying how he was now the bitch, because he'd said 'I didn't tell you to put your underwear back on.' he said he'd punish me so much it'd make me cry.
'You just want to make me cry, don't you?' I asked.
'Yes, I love the idea. And you probably would love it.' He replied.
I probably WOULD love to be made cry, by hard sex. But I do think he is going to punish me soon-Something I won't enjoy-because he keeps talking about it.
And he obviously won't hint, because he doesn't want me to prepare.
Eek!
Edit: I sometimes want to be more dominant. I want to sneer at him, to push him away with my foot, to tell him to 'stop' or 'go away'. To see him crawl. But I see the sadness in his beautiful blue eyes (Yep, Bear can act submissive at times! It soon ends though, and he gets me back, threefold.) and I just can't do it, I feel so sorry, remember he's MY Master, *I* am owned by *Him*.
That's why Bear is such a good Dom-he doesn't give a shit about my anguish looks, whines, protests..It's all..get on with it.
Like he said today..'Shut up and suck it.'

Feeling Very Centred.

2008-01-14T01:20:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my first entry, 'Turn-Ons', that I have a thing for angelwings. A BIG thing.
Well, Bear bought these huge archangel wings and promised to fuck me in them on Friday (the day before my birthday). I got under the covers whilst he changed and when he told me to surface, he was wearing tight black boxers, had his hair spiked at the front with gel, bondage tape around his wrists and a collar on. So pretty much everything I like.
He fucked me, kneeling so I could see him clearly, looking at me, but I couldn't help really, really whimpering and spurting wetness, so he came before he planned to.
Funnily enough, we settled down to watch 'Deliverance'-Bear has taken to having me lie with his head in his lap whilst he strokes my hair. It makes me feel very safe, very owned, almost like a cat. I sometimes refer to myself as his pet, and that's how that position makes me feel. It struck midnight and he said I could have anything else I asked for. I wanted to be fucked in the arse, which made me laugh because we'd just watched Deliverance.
He got out a condom. I protested, 'It's pink, it's the one with the ribs and dots!'
'Well then,' he smiled, 'It'll just be more interesting, won't it. Bend over.'
He lubed me up and slid in. For the first few minutes of anal I'm like 'Gawd I hope it's coming out clean' but I finally relaxed and got into it-I loved getting fucked in the arse by Bear, he's the right mix of roughness and gentleness, and my cunt for some reason really responds and spasms. So much this time actually, I came twice. Odd.
The next day my cystitis was bad, so bad I was passing blood, so no fucking on my birthday. (I'd worried about Friday with my cystitis, but I texted Bear to say he'd better go easy on me, and he texted back 'how do I do that?')
So we waited until yesterday-we attempted fucking in the shower but even with lube, I was too tense. After shower, Bear was lying there topless in loose cotton boxers. God, I love his torso. I knelt on the floor and started blowing him, then stroking him, then told him I wanted to cut him. He agreed, and I cuffed his hands behind his back (he still has a handcuff mark on his wrist, sexy) and told him to lie down as much as he could..He was still pretty much leaning forwards, but I ran and got the knife, lubed up his cock and stroked him whilst I ran the knifetip over his body and thighs.
I made a big cut down his chest, then re-cut my initial because it was fading and said I could re-do it. It still looked too square so I did a better inital, lighter, on his hip. He asked me something, and I remember frowning and saying 'Don't ask questions!'
I was feeling very dom, but he soon got me back for that. The crap thing about our handcuffs is they have a safety mechanism, and Bear is crafty and gets out of them. I wanted to fuck him, so I leant over him.
"What do you want?" I enquired.
"I'm the one in cuffs..."
I gushed a little. "I want you to tell me.."
"Fuck me with your hand or cunt."
"Which?"
Angry face. "Decide!"
"I can't.."
"Stroke it."
The Master, even in handcuffs. I loved it. Besides, my tiny dom side never lasts. He uncuffed himself, put his hands behind his head and gave me permission to get on top. I rode him, quietly whining-I'm never sure now if I'm allowed to make noise, or he is going to issue a sudden noise ban. I was enjoying it, but I noticed Bear was lying expressionless, no noise, occasionally rolling his eyes. I leant forward and tried to kiss him-he sharply turned his head. I have no idea why, but I found the rejection quite hot. I tried again, got the same response.
Suddenly, "I'm bored. Get off and touch yourself."
I burned in shame. I did want to ask, "Am I not pleasing you Master?" but besides my trouble with that word, I wondered how he'd react. I stood before him (it always makes me feel shy) and he told me to wank whilst he did.
"Now lie on your back and carry on."
I did, until he came. I always look at his face, but again, I'm never sure if this is allowed. Suddenly he pinned my wrists.
"And don't you ever kiss me without permission. Do you understand?"
I nodded.
"Do you understand?!"
"Yes Master!" I choked out.
Legs above my head, pressed into my chest, I couldn't help whining. He was fucking me hard, and we went for about 15 minutes before he pulled out and came on my pubic bone and stomach. With a disinterested look, he wiped everything that had fallen on his hand onto my skin and walked away. When he came back, he said "You may clean yourself up now."
Gawd, it made me tremble. I made him food, got him constant drinks throughout the night and made sure he was comfortable.
I was aware he had work the next day but a couple of hours later I was horny enough to try to talk him into sex again. Made him hard with my hand and coaxed him into being on top..I know he's rather have not done the work, but I wanted to feel the warm weight of him before I slept. He did marvellously, kneeling up and watching his dick slide into my cunt, and when he was coming, "Oh God (Myname)!" He has NEVER called my name before. It was one of the hottest things EVER. I tried not to draw attention to it though-so here's hoping he'll do it in the future!
He also put me over my knee in a jokey way yesterday to spank me, and whilst I enjoy it, I could feel my arse wobbling, which made me sort of..aware of it.
He has also taken to gently NIBBLING my nipples. It was so hot seeing his teeth there yesterday, and he knows not to bite down hard, just a little scraping that makes my toes curl.
Bear and his affectionate bites. *sigh* the majority of the time, we'll be sat together, and he'll lean over and nip me in the arm or neck, or wherever he feels like it. I take it to mean he is reminding me he's there, and he owns me. I love it.

Highschool Position..

2008-01-10T03:33:00.000-08:00

Bear had asked me to wear a particular lingerie item under my clothes yesterday. It is not my particular type-It's very 'slippery' material, quite unflattering, big pink net frills, pink butterflies all over it. But you know, women and men do sometimes have very different tastes in lingerie. So with creative license, I chose my own underwear-cute pastel coloured french knickers with pink frills and a silver heart charm.
At first Bear was quite distant when I went round, but I made sure to position myself so he saw that I was wearing the lingerie. He smiled and took off his top, and then told me to stand up and let him see me in it. I started to feel shy, stood there, so I got back on the bed and began to blow him.
Eventually, "You look good in that..Get on it."
I rode him to climax, then he bent me over and fucked me until he came, wanking over my back. Then we watched dvds for a while. He said, "I'm going to slip a finger into your arse." I scrunched up my face, but did nothing. He laughed. About five minutes later, "I am going to slip two fingers into your arse." Again, I did nothing.
"I'm not going to really, gosh, you suprise me with how good you are sometimes."
I said, "I'm not as good as I COULD be."-This is true-If I was completely good, I wouldn't say 'no' to him, I wouldn't question his demands.
I do think Bear wants to finger my arse-and I wouldn't stop him-but obviously he has to do it in his own time.
We playfought for a while and he said jokingly, "Blow Me." I said, "I want to."
He pushed my head down and he pulled me off by my hair.
"Look," He said. "You get me hard all the time. Now carry on." Pushed my head down, choked me. He has began to say "Good" when he's enjoying himself, which is amazing.
I crawled up him, feeling horny. "Why'd you stop, I want to come in your mouth, get back down there."
I did, for a while, but then somehow we ended up fucking. He seized my ankles and held them above his head, turned me upside down again (his new trick?) and knelt over me, my legs over his arms. I told him it was how I used to picture him fucking me in highschool. He groaned-"I can't wait for Friday, I'm gonna make you scream, I'm gonna fuck you like a little bitch.."
He decided to come in my mouth, so he knelt over me.
For the final time, I started blowing him again, then stopped, knelt up and he started stroking himself. I groaned. "You're making me wet.."
"Whats so wrong with that?" He grinned evilly.
"We've just covered up the wet.." I protested.
He smiled. "Well, there's a sofa there, there's a chair there, and there's a floor. As long as I get to hear you moan, to feel your cunt around my cock, I don't care." Delicious.
He got into the 'highschool' position and said, "Hands above your head. Don't move them."-When I used to fantasise, my hands were tied above my head with his school tie.
I was moaning a lot. "Don't make a noise." He growled. I couldn't help whining, even though I was biting my lip and at one point, a pillow, so he slapped my face. "Shut UP."
When I whined again, his face was like thunder (the look he gets when I disobey is so frightening..The alarm yet intruige of what he will do to punish me rises up quickly..) but continued to fuck me. Eventually, "Okay, make as much noise as you want."
I whined, "A noise ban was so cruel.."
He frowned at me.."You complaining?" I shook my head and took his cock-he gave me SUCH an amazing orgasm at one point, I thought I would pass out. After a while, without a word, he pulled out and spurted whatever he had left to give me across my chin, tits and stomach.
Unfortunately I've woken up with bloody cystitis though, Owies :(

Lots Of Sex.

2008-01-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

So. Bear &I have been having a lot more sex of late.
Usually we'd have sex once a day, or twice with a large gap. Two days in a row now we've had sex 3 times, with very short intervals inbetween.
So. Sunday night. It had been ages since I'd seen Bear, and I'd been planning to dom him for a few days-I got dressed up in my red underwear, and put my handcuff keys around my neck. I planned to huskily ask, "What do you think these are for?" When he 'found' them. But he had other ideas.
After the movie we saw, we got to Bears and he knelt over me. "I want to fuck you-Can I?" And that was all he needed to say-just hearing Bear say 'fuck'. I nodded, nervously, and he stripped us both-him naked and me to my panties-red lace-which he put his face to, licking me through them. He was pretty much all over me, biting my neck really hard, pulling me further and further down the bed by my legs.
He fucked me, making me whine, looking into my eyes, and suddenly lifted my legs up so I was partway upside down and slammed down into me. Amazing.
The second time, I rode the fuck out of him-coming really easily as he hit my gspot, and the third time, we were fooling around, he started fucking me standing up, me lying down, then suddenly "I want to come in your mouth, you know."
Knelt up over my face, I put the head of his penis between my lips and stroked him until he spurted..Which was amazing, as I hadn't tasted his come for ages.
And he said "I love you" with no prompting, drink-free. Just cuddling, a sudden "I love you". Wonderful.
Yesterday, we were showering together, and he was making 'let's fuck' type moves-I have a single freckle on my cunt, which he was stroking and growling. I was all,
"We can't fuck in the shower."
(Every time I've tried, height difference comes into play, and I'd rather not get lifted up by a man)
He said, "I bet we can"..After a few failed attempts at getting between my legs, he bent me over and fucked me from behind, stood up, cool water running over my back. Mmm. His hips were curving into my cunt and I was whining really loud..He was unrelenting, it was amazing. Just holding my hips and driving into me, the shower door opened at one point and the water was flowing over the floor but we didn't give a fuck.
And do you know what I love apart from swallowing his come? When he comes inside me and I later feel it drip out-just makes me feel honoured he let me recieve it.
Later, more riding him hard (I always get concious I'll slam down on his cock the wrong way) until I felt like him fucking me..His hands holding my ankles in the air, it was the roughest sex I've ever had, and I've done rape play! (both with Bear and with an ex)
He later said to me "It looked like you were gonna cry." (I wasn't, my face just gets fucked up when sex is intense) He said, "I saw and thought, fuck it, I'm gonna make her cry." He bet me one day he'd fuck me until the tears rolled down my face and I begged him to stop. Jesus.
Then we watched a zombie movie..Ha. And jokingly, as the credits rolled, I said "Okay, you can fuck me anally now."
I started to suck him, and he said, "Bend over."
I got startled, started to protest that I didn't want anal, but he fucked me from behind until I was whimpering..Nearly as hard as the previous session but still as wonderful..I really do love it from behind.
It's my birthday on Saturday! He promised to do whatever I want sexually on Friday night (and tomorrow he demanded I go around to his house wearing the lingerie of his choice..A black nightie thing with pink hearts, pink netting..Not my kind of thing but I'd wear it for Bear) so he bought me some huge archangel wings for him to wear, and he's gonna 'rape' me.
We watched 'Secretary' yesterday..I wasn't too impressed, not too much punishment, but it was sort of exciting, especially the spanking scene. No-one remembers the beautiful romance of her hunger strike..Just things like the saddle!
I think it'd be a really lovely thing for me to wait for Bear like that.

Naughty Pouncing Bear

2008-01-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

He teases me, and it annoys me.
I like to KNOW I'm getting laid, rather than getting all worked up about it then denied.
We were at a new years eve party yesterday. He said he wants to put toffee sauce on my nipples and lick it off, when we get home. He also said he likes when I ask permission to do stuff to him, which I will DEFINATELY start more.
We got in, he bit my neck, slid down to the floor to my converse and said 'I'd lick ANY shoes you wore, yknow.' Mmm. I have a thing about wanting him to lick my shoes, though HE'S the dom. I thought he was going to lick me out but he came back up, undid his fly and pushed my head down there. I knelt before him on his HARDWOOD floor. Mmm. Extra suffering. And pushing my head down. HOT. I love that his appetite for getting head almost matches me appetite to GIVE.
We went to bed eventually, and there was mucho kissing-'I love kissing you,' he said. He's said that twice in two days now-I don't think we kiss ENOUGH, but he seems fine with the amount. I'm a very kissy girl though..I'll happily lie and make out for hours.
He growled at me to describe what I want him to do on my birthday, but I could only gasp in suprise..what DON'T I want him to do? I said I want him to get the big, big angelwings for my birthday present. I want him to wear them, and fuck me, I want double penetration with a dildo, I want him to lick my shoes and film it, I want, I want..
He said I'd get an 8-hour fucksession. I said, 'You won't last 8 hours.'
He said, 'Thats what viagra is for.' I wanted to try viagra, but he seemed against the idea. I hope he isnt fucking about, and he manages to get hold of some.
He's so, so hesitant about fucking 'around' families, but after a LOT of persuasion, I was able to scramble onto his erection. SO hard. He was all, 'this will have to be REALLY quiet and slow.' But I had that whole..Relief thing again. So relieved to get onto his cock. I love backing onto it in slow motion, feeling its stiffness..He was trying not to whine..
Then his BROTHER coming home was the problem. So we slept.
In the morning, I knew he was semi-awake. He loves the idea of being woken with a blowjob, but I'm really nervous about being told off for molesting him in his sleep-but I could feel his erection against my thigh, so I reached down and stroked it. He smiled and said good morning, and when I moved down to suck it, he pushed my head down onto it, to choke me with it. I LOVE that. I love it. He was all, 'All the way' and demanding I scratch his balls with my nails-it was pretty delicious.
He wouldn't fuck me because his bloody mother was awake, though. :/
I shared two fantasies with him this morning-that I want to be fucked bent over a gravestone (I hope we can fulfil this one, there are two graveyards near us at uni) and kissing him with my blood in my mouth.

Vampire Shirts &Disobeying Him

2007-12-30T07:02:00.000-08:00

Mmm. Long walks, just figuring out the thoughts in my head, figuring out what to put in my blog.
Lots of things..
He doesn’t understand it takes nothing for him to turn me on. This morning, he bit me on the back of the neck. A rush of PleasurePain went through me, and because I’m on my period, I didn’t want to fuck and get it everywhere, so I was like, ‘stop…’
God, I LOVE his bites. I think Bear is a good nickname-we’re quite animalistic people anyway, but he has nips of affection, bites where he just lazily leaves his teeth there (like my friends kitten..) and hard, sexual bites. All of them turn me on, every time.
I think my constant fantasising annoys him, though. I’m a hugely sexual person and I invent lots of scenarios that I’d be totally happy with Bear doing, so I doubt I’d ever get bored of him. I noticed today that he has a hardness to his face-to his jaw, and his eyes are a very cold blue, but there’s a softness in his smile, and in his sleep.
Things I’ve been fantasising about recently..
I dream about being collared constantly, an outward sign to the world that I’m owned. I wish he’d say that more, too. I think about him coming onto the collar..When it’s off me, when its ON me. I wish he’d buy me a piece of slave jewelry, I love the sort of ‘Story of O’ rings. Like I’d ask, though.
I want him to fuck me up the arse-I want him to hold my hips and drive himself into me brutally. God, I remember the first time Bear fucked me up the arse. I’d only enjoyed it once with my exboyfriend, and we did it very gently, spooning. Bear &I tried that for ages but it was just NOT going up my arse. So we fucked doggy, but suddenly, he just PUSHED himself up there. I was biting the pillow with the pain and the force, but when he was actually up there, it was amazing. I love him to assfuck me, my cunt totally reacts and gets into it.
He showed me this vampiristic shirt he has this morning..Black with all eyelets and strings. Quite loose, it could do with being tighter. But I’m obsessed with him wearing that and fangs at the moment, and just biting me. I want him to handcuff me up and bite me whilst I’m helpless.
We had a night out with my friends, then I went home to meet his mum. I could feel the sexual tension in the air and I was absolutely dying for her to go to bed. She did, eventually, and I started fooling around in Bears jeans..(I bought him a pair of black boxers with a green snake on yesterday..very tight, very nice. Shows off his bulge greatly :) but he was all ‘I can’t have sex when my mum’s in the house’. That old chestnut. Like the whole ‘I can’t fuck you when your parents are in’..I don’t know why he makes these promises.
So I got on my knees and started sucking him, trying to ease his jeans off his hips when he was distracted. He was sighing, ‘I can’t, I can’t.’
I said, ‘If you couldn’t, you’d be stopping me. You’ll get sucked, but you won’t fuck me?’ The four gins I had were making me feel quite brave, I’m usually not very good at all at voicing stuff, so I looked at him directly and was like, ‘You know you want me.’
He nodded.
I said, ‘What are you gonna do if I just sat on you, how are you gonna stop me?’
Long story short, we ended up fucking. It was amazing. It’s such a RELIEF to get on his dick after getting wet for so long, begging for it, giving him everything he needs, and seeing it that hard. I have a total lovehate relationship with my period, because even though its great lube (ha), its obviously messy and not very pleasant. Bear doesn’t mind though, which is GREAT. I squirted blood all over his chest accidently once, but we both actually ended up enjoying that quite a lot. So I was riding him, trying to be quiet because of his mother, not really succeeding because of how hard he was, and how we were both fully dressed..Him flies down, me dress up, just for the purpose, like teenagers. He told me he’d came, which was odd because I can usually tell.
This morning, he was feeling really stressed. He got hold of my hand by the wrist and put it down his pj bottoms. ‘Make me happy’ he instructed.
I started to stroke him..God, his full lips parting, biting them..But then he moved my hand again. ‘Balls.’ He said. He usually likes them grabbed tight and tugged on hard, but he said, ‘gently.’ I alternated between stroking him and playing with his balls for about ten minutes, then he said ‘Stop’.
I was disappointed, I asked, ‘Why?’
He looked surprised. ‘You’re my obedient little slavegirl, and you have to do anything I ask.’
I smiled. ‘Put a finger up your arse.’ He said, not a trace of amusement on his face.
I hate disobeying, but I said ‘No!’-I felt it’d look really unflattering, would be messy and there would be no real point.
‘You’re disobeying a direct order?’ He asked. I reminded him that I’d also said no to reverse cowgirl a few days earlier. My reason is I hate my arse. But then I thought, we do it from behind, how lame. I do completely hate saying no to him, I do wish I could be completely obedient to him but I just can’t let myself go. So he let me stroke him (whilst I watched my hands work in his mirrored wardrobe, quite hot) until his hot arc of white shot up and hit him in the shoulder and splashed across his chest. Fucking BEAUTIFUL.

Partying With Bear &How Much Colds Suck.

2007-12-27T07:10:00.000-08:00

I particularly love being at parties with Bear. He gets really emotional when he’s drunk..He cornered me in the kitchen, I sat on a worksurface and he crept between my legs, started telling me sad things about his childhood, I told him sad things about mine, then he moved on to my insecurities about us..Held both my hands and kept saying ‘Look at me.’ He said ‘You’re the one, you really are.’ He said, ‘I love you.’ I wish he wouldn’t, kinda, because I don’t want him to say it, and not mean it. I said it’s so weird for me that I liked him in highschool in ages, and now we’re together, it feels like I don’t deserve it. He said he feels the other way around.
I said, I’m not used to him being nice to me for such a long period of time, can’t he do it all the time? I’m his girlfriend. He cracked a smile ‘I know you are. It’s lovely. You’re like my trophy.’ I think that was meant in a good way, though. A girl I hated was at the party and he stayed by my side, even if the row I had with her was emo nonsense, he listened and totally understood.
Anyway, the sexual stuff. At parties, its getting me to chew the chocolate off a coconut sweet for him, getting me to get him a beer (even if the bag was RIGHT next to him) and open it for him, little things like that that put me in my place.
I was getting dressed for bed, took off my top and he suddenly came down on top of me, licking my nipples.
‘It’s cold!’
‘I’ll warm you up-with my cock, my tongue, whatever.’
So he licked my torso for a good while, then stood up to strip. He usually wears quite loose boxers, but these were new ones he’d received for Christmas, and they were TIGHT. He had this delicious bulge. When he pulled them off he had this HUGE erection-there are different types, aren’t they? Sometimes he’s REALLY turned on and his cock is even bigger than it is normally. This was one of those occasions. I was lay on the bed and he came over, stood up, and pushed his erection in my face. I’d asked for (and received) a phone memory card for Christmas, with the intention of filming our ‘antics’ and watching them back, so I filmed the blowjob I gave him.
God it looked good, I think that’s how I’m SUPPOSED to look, with His cock in my mouth. The hottest part of it was seeing his huge hand on the back of my head, pushing his dick to the back of my throat, choking me. I adore when he does that, his power turns me on so much. And then I looked up at him. I know he loves that.
I also enjoyed the glitter of my lipring underneath his cock.
Lying down-‘Get on it, you fucking wet bitch.’
God, as I mentioned, it’d been a while since he called me names, and I totally ate it up. Just hearing him-Slut, Bitch, Whore, it was just making me come automatically, like second nature.
‘Lick it up.’ He likes to get me to lick up my cunt juice as a form of humiliation, he knows I hate the taste, it has quite a bitter edge to it, unlike the delicious taste of him. When I’d licked it up, I said, ‘It’s gone.’ Ugh, why didn’t I say Master? I have such trouble with the word, its always on the tip of my tongue but I always, always chicken out, except on texts.
I generally rode him until he came, then he was hard again almost straightaway, which is unusual for him, but becoming more common. Nudging me. I started to lick his nipples and bite his ribcage. He was groaning.
‘Do whatever you want with me.’
Ugh. I don’t like when he does this, he KNOWS I only get off on doing what HE wants. Whatever, I only knew I wanted to get fucked. So he stood up, I lay down, my legs on his shoulders, whilst he ploughed into me. He was hitting something amazing in my cunt, I don’t know what it was-not my gspot but amazing. I don’t really talk during sex, but his fucking elicited a ‘oh my God oh my GOD please don’t stop, fuck me as hard as you can’..He’d wanted to come ON me, but I felt him gush into my cunt as I came.
The next day. Now I have a cold, so I’m sucking at blowjobs right now (apart from the one I filmed) because I can’t breathe through my nose. Now I know I should ignore it and just dedicate myself to pleasing him, but not being able to breathe kinda panics me. (He also asked me to ride him like, reverse cowgirl which I said no to..I felt guilty later, I don’t like to say no to Him) but I got him hard with my mouth anyway, dying to keep sucking it but not being able, so I began to stroke him..His moans actually make me plenty wet and plenty excited. I said, ‘How do you want to come?’ He wanted to come on my tits, so he knelt over me, palms flat against the wall, looking down on me whilst I stroked him. God, he looks so effortlessly model-esque when he’s enjoying himself, leaning his cheek against his bicep, his lips parted, all this angelsong coming out..I was fucking SOAKING my pyjama bottoms but I wanted him to come how he wanted. Held back the temptation to beg him to fuck me. I also wanted to film this incredible vocalization but I thought it’d put him off. I kept getting him close then switching hands. Out of frustration after a while, he tugged it from me and spurted across my chest..I love the sensation of it spraying out, hot and wet, high as my neck and hair, all over my chest. He apparently likes the idea of me rubbing it into my skin, but he didn’t tell me this until later.
About half an hour later, I was nibbling his nipples-they were both hard with the coldness of the room, and I reached down to his semi-hard dick. Stroked it until it was hard. Asked him to fuck me from behind.
He’s very animalistic when he does this, pulls right out then slams back again. Always makes me come several times before he does.‘Love’ is such a small word for the feeling.

He Stayed

2007-12-16T05:10:00.000-08:00

Sexual Recapping.
We found a new way to have sex. I basically fold myself up sort of, put my legs on his hips, or press my knees to my chest, or sling a leg over his shoulders. Anything that allows for deeper penetration.
God he says such thrilling stuff to me.
"I like looking at you whilst I'm fucking you."
"Get on your back and spread your legs wide."
"I want you to kneel over me and do yourself."
Growls into my ear (He knows I love that) bites my neck.
He lay me down slowly and made out with me..slowly for like 3 minutes. God it was incredible.
Yesterday I had my knees up to my chest and he was between them, kneeling right over me and fucking me really hard. I started coming really intensely, trembling, and I straightened my legs and pulled his arse closer to me with the sides of my feet. His hips banged into me and he came as I did, the instant I pulled him in deeper. He's so amazing at making me come.
Three times this morning before he did. Because we usually fuck hard and fast, I slicked him down with lube and said 'Go slow.'
I could feel his every inch slipping inside me when he went slowly..Nearly pulling right out then slipping right back inside again. He makes me wail, it's really high pitched and unlike me, like when hentai chicks are getting raped. THAT'S what he makes me sound like.
He's gone home now, and I'm going on Wednesday. Not sure when we'll hang, though.

Dealing With Drunken Bears..

2007-12-12T04:08:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I love being with Bear but sometimes, it's torture, too.
He called yesterday and was so unlike him. Really affectionate, on for 30+ minutes and we did that whole 'You hang up!' thing like on friends. And since I agonize over everything, soon as he DID hang up, it was like, 'Oh God and he's such a good actor too, God why was he not like that when we were friends?'
Later he went out drinking. It'd been a nice evening here, flaking out, listening to Deathcab on repeat, I went to bed about 1AM. Just as I was drifting off, a text.
'You sleeping right now? xx'
Uh-oh. Alarm bells. He calls. Wants to come over. Is drunk. Is falling down.
Tells me he's been hugging people. Uh-oh. Flirting. Saying he's glad he loves me. I wish he wouldn't just say that when he's drunk, but thats men for you isn't it. Basically passes out. I get mad. When we both awake, I see the red cross on his hand is also on his chest. Over the scar of my initial that I cut into him. I feel a bit like he's crossed ME out. He says he's just slept on his hand. I'm not so sure.
Then I notice teethmarks on his neck. Well, a toothmark. He says its his necklace. It looks like a toothmark. I just can't shake this feeling he's messing around on me. It's HIS fault, he said he was ready to settle with me and now..this. But he was still a little tipsy so it's not exactly like I could really have a go.
Keeps pushing my head down. He's such a kidder, though.
"Do you WANT a blowjob?"
"Mmmhmm."
So I go down, though I have morning breath and bedhair and smudged last night's makeup and generally look a tip.
So I suck it, slowly, he's groaning, saying stuff, starts pulling clumps of my hair and using it to pull me up and down. He says
"You've done a good job, you can ride it for a minute if you want."
Sometimes this is how it works, I get rewards.
"I only want to do what you want."
So he pushes my face down to his balls for a while, licking, more sucking and stroking him, then he pulls my hair.
"Get on it."
I ride him, one leg off the bed and on the floor, come two or three times, looking at his bondage tape bracelet, his black nails (they never chip, unlike mine), his hands flat on the wall, his mouth.
"I want to come on you."
I go to lie down.
"Bend over." He instructs.
I look confused, we've never done this game before. So I bend over, all fours on the bed and he slides into me, saying
"I'm gonna take you like a little bitch."
God. And that's all he needs to say. And he fucks me hard, for ages, usually its quite..quick from behind but he goes for ages. I'm whimpering and shaking.
"I want to come on you."
I lay on my back and he knelt over me.
"Play with yourself."
But after about 10 minutes he had to go. Fucking hell.
He put three fingers in my cunt as he was dressing, sat there and wanked me off til I came, within like 30 seconds. I think he gets a kick out of the fact he can make me come fast.
He hugged me.
"Slavegirl" He smiled. "You have to do whatever I want."
A confusing Bear.

Introduction

2007-12-11T15:01:00.000-08:00

I've decided to leave my list of turn-ons up-just so you know what I'm into.
However I've made this attempt at a sexblog, a sex and love blog. For a new relationship. A new leaf.
But how to introduce Bear?
I don't even remember why I started calling him Bear. He does have a deep, growly voice and is partial to the odd growl.
He's 20. I'm 20 in January. He's shorter than me, at 5'8 (I'm 5'10) He's stocky, muscly, a basketballer, and ex-lifeguard. Hot. Tattoo on his arm he had done when he was 16 that he regrets.
Dirtyblonde hair, deep blue eyes with grey splotches around the iris..I say its where he was shot with a shotgun shell. I know that's weird.
I've wanted him since I was 12-we went to highschool together and I used to fantasise about him tying me up with my tie. I hoped he was kinky, and he is. Kinkier than me, even.
I used to write unrequited poetry when he wasn't with me. He read it, we agonised, we're together.
So. Let's rock this bitch.